50 posts, and I'm running out of things to say

... I spat the drink out, starring incredulously at the bartender. "What did you say was in this!?" I demanded, to which he replied innocently "Vodka and urine, mate. Don't worry, it's not mine." "Oh, that's ok then" I said, sipping what was left in the glass.

• 15. One of the first things that really brought to my attention the differences between Australia, England and America are the comedians. While there are obvious examples outside the box, the large majority I've observed follow a simple pattern. American comedians get by through wacky antics, Australian comedians usually have a certain energy and eagerness, and English comedians usually act more reserved. The funny thing about me noticing all this is I can't deliver a joke for shit.

So, 50 posts. And of them probably half actually have a point, of those half probably deliver their point well, and of those probably none are relevant or interesting.

So, I finally jumped on the bandwagon and joined facebook. Since I find myself so far behind the curve, I'm left wondering what sort of social mores and rules exist, and very hesitant to break them.

Who am I supposed to add as a friend? Just close acquaintences? People who I'd be willing to buy a drink? People who I once did that awkward "nearly-walked-into-you-but-stopped-in-time-so-I'll-go-left-but-oh-ho-you-went-that-way-too-I'll-go-right-and-hey-you-went-right-too" dance with in the street and never have seen again? Apparently my brother has upward of 300 people on Facebook, and says he probably wouldn't recognise half of them for a good minute if he met them a second time. Am I allowed to add hot women I've met in a class at Uni and never talked with again, to try and trick my friends into thinking everyone I know is a babe?

What about wall comments and private messages? Are they to be used in an email-like fashion (Dear XYZ, regarding your message of August the 16th, 'yes'. Sincerely, Stephen) or should I be adopting an instant messenger-like premise? (Three thousand messages, half of which consist of "lol im in ur noun verbing ur noun")

Apparently my lack of profile picture is an evil act falling somewhere between murder and hosting late night quiz shows, but the only picture of me on the internet lacks pants, which in itself provides a moral dilemma. No picture, or low quality nude shot?

How often am I supposed to change my status? Is it only for dire situations (Stephen is bleeding profusely) or should I just put in whatever I feel like? (10:15 - Stephen is itchy in the crotch. 10:16 - Stephen is scratching his crotch. 10:18 - Stephen is wondering if he needs to see a doctor. 10:22 - Stephen is calling that nasty skank who gave him this.)

What is the ettiquete? I'm a nerd, I'm supposed to have an instinctive knowledge of this rubbish?