245 posts over a period of about 14-15 months? I think I earned a break.
I'll beback later, hopefully with some more nerdy stuff to talk about.
Showing posts with label Misc. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Misc. Show all posts
Monday, September 14, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Blogpost-words
You know what I enjoy? A movie that knows precisely what it is and honestly just doesn't give a shit. G.I. Joe is a perfect example of this mentality, it knew from the beginning precisely what it was going for and went for it with the force of a thousand hurricanes. Boobs and explosions. It knew what sort of movie it would be and it didn't try to disguise it.
Today I saw a trailer for a movie I intend to see. It's called... are you ready for this? I wasn't.
Ninja Assassin.
Yeah. It's that open about it. It's name is basically "Guy who kills shit REALLY WELL" It's like if they called Die Hard "Pissed off white dude" or Pulp Fiction "Criminal anecdotes + dead people".
The movie - from what I can tell from the trailer - is about a Ninja who assassinates people until he decides he doesn't want to assassinate people or be a ninja (so really the title should be "Ex-Ninja Assassin" or "I can't believe it's not a Ninja Assassin"). Of course the retirement plan involves killing EVERYONE so he doesn't have to kill again. It had a sharp knife on a piece of chain, lots of swords, and ninja stars that had a rate-of-throwing that could challenge machine guns.
This movie knows precisely what it is, and just goes to do that REALLY WELL. There was no hint of a love story in the trailer (though there will be at least half of one, it's an accepted fact in movies), all there were, were a large number of people getting killed to death. I want to see this movie.
Today I saw a trailer for a movie I intend to see. It's called... are you ready for this? I wasn't.
Ninja Assassin.
Yeah. It's that open about it. It's name is basically "Guy who kills shit REALLY WELL" It's like if they called Die Hard "Pissed off white dude" or Pulp Fiction "Criminal anecdotes + dead people".
The movie - from what I can tell from the trailer - is about a Ninja who assassinates people until he decides he doesn't want to assassinate people or be a ninja (so really the title should be "Ex-Ninja Assassin" or "I can't believe it's not a Ninja Assassin"). Of course the retirement plan involves killing EVERYONE so he doesn't have to kill again. It had a sharp knife on a piece of chain, lots of swords, and ninja stars that had a rate-of-throwing that could challenge machine guns.
This movie knows precisely what it is, and just goes to do that REALLY WELL. There was no hint of a love story in the trailer (though there will be at least half of one, it's an accepted fact in movies), all there were, were a large number of people getting killed to death. I want to see this movie.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
filler post part X+1
Short post today. I'm preparing for the first of my 5(or more) interviews I'm doing for my Honours thesis. A tad nervous, but then again she sounded a bit nervous too, so that's all alright then.
I won't really bother with a meaningful post today, since I was just sent a link to this story. It's kinda hard to write when you know full well that nothing you ever do will ever be this cool.
I won't really bother with a meaningful post today, since I was just sent a link to this story. It's kinda hard to write when you know full well that nothing you ever do will ever be this cool.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Taking to the air
You know what, I am running out of nerdgasm topics.
Dirigibles. You know what they are? Picture a hot air balloon, inflated massively, with a full blown interior, kind of like an airplane. Actually, nevermind that, just watch Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and you'll see one.
Using my rudimentary knowledge of things (I know a lot about things, just not much about specific things, and a great deal of general things), here is how I piece together the timeline.
Dirigibles are slower then planes, much slower, even when put side by side with directly comparable technology Dirigibles are slower. However, at the time they were around they had much larger carrying capacity.
However, there are two things that screwed with the history of the development of this stuff. Back then there were three methods of traveling between continents. Boats, which were slow and sturdy. Airships, which were a little faster then boats without the risk of dangers at sea. And planes, which were something the public found highly resistable, I mean, they're a tiny metal box with wings that's supposed to somehow stay in the air! That's friggin' mental!
The two events that occured were:
1. The Hindenburg disaster. Happening between World War 1 and World War 2, it showed just how disasterously Airships could go. Everyone on board killed in a firey conflagration of the elements. Yeah, not pleasent, but it was one of the most widely publicised disasters in media history, because the entire thing was RECORDED ON FILM. Seriously, the "Oh the Humanity!" line is common knowledge. So naturally airships got a bit of a bum rap from that.
2. World War 2. Now, in this one, I MAY be speaking out of my ass. I read this somewhere ages ago, and could be wrong, so if I am just call me on it. In World War 2 there needed to be discussion between America and their European based allies. Of course this couldn't be done over morse code or other unreliable messages, so there needed to be steady, reliable transport for the American President to meet with his allies. Airships were out, for obvious reasons. They couldn't use boats, out of fear of German boats intercepting them. So instead they went for an official plane (which, if I recall right, is the origin of Airforce 1 being used as the designation for whatever plane the President is on).
So, having seen their President go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, side to side (sorry, just been watching too much Dr Steel) on a plane, the American public thought "well golly, if the President can use those fan-dangled plane machines, so can we!"
And now, airships are limited only to the friggin' Goodyear Blimp. Screw Godyear, I want to see research put into Airships. If they had as much technological development as planes did, they'd probably still be slower, they'd be much safer, they'd be much more luxurious (more like spacious train travels then cramped airplane confines) and I sincerely doubt they'd use as much fuel. The only major "Holy crap, we're in trouble" factor with Airships is the fact they need to use flammable gasses to lift themselves, but that is something that could be mitigated and possibly even dealt with entirely as a threat. If not for the Hindenburg, rather then Slow Boat -> Fast plane, there could be the middle ground of Slow Boat -> Moderate Airship -> Fast plane
I want an Airship, damnit!
(P.S. Yes, I know there are still some Airships in use, but I much prefer the mental image of them being used as a cheaper, longer, but more luxurious travel alternative then floating advertising).
Dirigibles. You know what they are? Picture a hot air balloon, inflated massively, with a full blown interior, kind of like an airplane. Actually, nevermind that, just watch Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and you'll see one.
Using my rudimentary knowledge of things (I know a lot about things, just not much about specific things, and a great deal of general things), here is how I piece together the timeline.
Dirigibles are slower then planes, much slower, even when put side by side with directly comparable technology Dirigibles are slower. However, at the time they were around they had much larger carrying capacity.
However, there are two things that screwed with the history of the development of this stuff. Back then there were three methods of traveling between continents. Boats, which were slow and sturdy. Airships, which were a little faster then boats without the risk of dangers at sea. And planes, which were something the public found highly resistable, I mean, they're a tiny metal box with wings that's supposed to somehow stay in the air! That's friggin' mental!
The two events that occured were:
1. The Hindenburg disaster. Happening between World War 1 and World War 2, it showed just how disasterously Airships could go. Everyone on board killed in a firey conflagration of the elements. Yeah, not pleasent, but it was one of the most widely publicised disasters in media history, because the entire thing was RECORDED ON FILM. Seriously, the "Oh the Humanity!" line is common knowledge. So naturally airships got a bit of a bum rap from that.
2. World War 2. Now, in this one, I MAY be speaking out of my ass. I read this somewhere ages ago, and could be wrong, so if I am just call me on it. In World War 2 there needed to be discussion between America and their European based allies. Of course this couldn't be done over morse code or other unreliable messages, so there needed to be steady, reliable transport for the American President to meet with his allies. Airships were out, for obvious reasons. They couldn't use boats, out of fear of German boats intercepting them. So instead they went for an official plane (which, if I recall right, is the origin of Airforce 1 being used as the designation for whatever plane the President is on).
So, having seen their President go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, side to side (sorry, just been watching too much Dr Steel) on a plane, the American public thought "well golly, if the President can use those fan-dangled plane machines, so can we!"
And now, airships are limited only to the friggin' Goodyear Blimp. Screw Godyear, I want to see research put into Airships. If they had as much technological development as planes did, they'd probably still be slower, they'd be much safer, they'd be much more luxurious (more like spacious train travels then cramped airplane confines) and I sincerely doubt they'd use as much fuel. The only major "Holy crap, we're in trouble" factor with Airships is the fact they need to use flammable gasses to lift themselves, but that is something that could be mitigated and possibly even dealt with entirely as a threat. If not for the Hindenburg, rather then Slow Boat -> Fast plane, there could be the middle ground of Slow Boat -> Moderate Airship -> Fast plane
I want an Airship, damnit!
(P.S. Yes, I know there are still some Airships in use, but I much prefer the mental image of them being used as a cheaper, longer, but more luxurious travel alternative then floating advertising).
Monday, July 27, 2009
Logic puzzles in games
As a long term computer-game-player of various types and genres, it is quite easy to notice patterns that follow in the stories and challenges of various types of game. However there is one precise puzzle I have seen so much that it genuinely bothers me now. Yes, I understand it is one of the few types of mathematical and logical problems that can be represented with ease visually, but the number of times I have seen it renders the puzzle moot and pointless.
This is the puzzle. You have three sections of a vaguely triangular shaped object stacked on top of each other, forming the aforementioned vague triangle. This object is located on a single signifier, usually a pole forming a solid physical anchor for the object (which usually has a hole in the middle to fit the pole). There are two more anchors to one side of this. The player must, without stacking a 'larger' section of the triangle on top of a 'smaller' section, or moving a larger section if there is a smaller section on top of it, transfer the entire object to the far anchor.
Usually there are only three sections, sometimes they try to confuse it with four, but it never makes it harder. Assuming there are three sections, this is the (or maybe just a) solution.
1. Top section to far anchor
2. Middle section to middle anchor.
3. Top section to middle anchor
4. Bottle section to far anchor.
5. Top section to beginning anchor
6. Middle section to far anchor
7. Top section to far anchor
It's a seven step puzzle, and I've done it so many times in various games and other situations that I know the solution off by heart.
Why is this puzzle so common? Like I mentioned before, it is a logic puzzle that can be represented pictorially, without the pictorial representation making it ridiculously easy at first glance.
However this leads me on to a tangentially related point: Where is the decision for logic puzzles in games made? Either a game's designer goes "Shit, we need something to lengthen this point" and tries to come up with something, or there's a meeting somewhere where a large number of men in suits (and, let's be equal opportunity, a small number of women in suits) sit around and debate if there should be a logical puzzle linking point A to point B, and what particular puzzle they should use.
So, what inspired this rant? In the first expansion of Neverwinter Nights, there's a riddle section. I friggin' hate riddle sections. Once you know a riddle, you know it, and you can't unknow it. Riddle sections (just like some logic puzzles) just kill replayability. That one section you spent twenty minutes and three pieces of scrap paper (as well as a lifetime of frustration) is now suddenly gone in a matter of minutes.
Even with a strategy guide, some action and timing challenges can be a pain in the ass. The moment you catch a brief glimpse of a logic puzzle section anywhere on the internet, you get that ONE clue you need to ruin it forever. Yahtzee has quicktime events, I have logic puzzles. They ruin the replay value of the game, they're either breathtakingly, balls-achingly hard or so easy you don't even NOTICE the friggin' things, and worst of all, worst of friggin' all... Actually I can't think of a third thing to neatly round off that rant, but they're bad, ok.
This is the puzzle. You have three sections of a vaguely triangular shaped object stacked on top of each other, forming the aforementioned vague triangle. This object is located on a single signifier, usually a pole forming a solid physical anchor for the object (which usually has a hole in the middle to fit the pole). There are two more anchors to one side of this. The player must, without stacking a 'larger' section of the triangle on top of a 'smaller' section, or moving a larger section if there is a smaller section on top of it, transfer the entire object to the far anchor.
Usually there are only three sections, sometimes they try to confuse it with four, but it never makes it harder. Assuming there are three sections, this is the (or maybe just a) solution.
1. Top section to far anchor
2. Middle section to middle anchor.
3. Top section to middle anchor
4. Bottle section to far anchor.
5. Top section to beginning anchor
6. Middle section to far anchor
7. Top section to far anchor
It's a seven step puzzle, and I've done it so many times in various games and other situations that I know the solution off by heart.
Why is this puzzle so common? Like I mentioned before, it is a logic puzzle that can be represented pictorially, without the pictorial representation making it ridiculously easy at first glance.
However this leads me on to a tangentially related point: Where is the decision for logic puzzles in games made? Either a game's designer goes "Shit, we need something to lengthen this point" and tries to come up with something, or there's a meeting somewhere where a large number of men in suits (and, let's be equal opportunity, a small number of women in suits) sit around and debate if there should be a logical puzzle linking point A to point B, and what particular puzzle they should use.
So, what inspired this rant? In the first expansion of Neverwinter Nights, there's a riddle section. I friggin' hate riddle sections. Once you know a riddle, you know it, and you can't unknow it. Riddle sections (just like some logic puzzles) just kill replayability. That one section you spent twenty minutes and three pieces of scrap paper (as well as a lifetime of frustration) is now suddenly gone in a matter of minutes.
Even with a strategy guide, some action and timing challenges can be a pain in the ass. The moment you catch a brief glimpse of a logic puzzle section anywhere on the internet, you get that ONE clue you need to ruin it forever. Yahtzee has quicktime events, I have logic puzzles. They ruin the replay value of the game, they're either breathtakingly, balls-achingly hard or so easy you don't even NOTICE the friggin' things, and worst of all, worst of friggin' all... Actually I can't think of a third thing to neatly round off that rant, but they're bad, ok.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
How they should make a superhero game
I'm currently playing Infamous, and really quite enjoying it. However there's something sticking out about it to me, best summarised in a Yahtzee quote about the good/evil moral choice system. "It's not letting you roleplay because you're either Cole McNice or Cole McDick."
This stuck in my mind, and linked with something I saw in the past. Reading about people's opinions of Fallout 3, I came across a rather bizarre argument. It was an argument over if the 'evil' main character was that evil, focusing on a particular event where there are a bunch of Ghouls trying to get into an apartment building that's still standing and willing to pay for it, but can't because the evil guy in charge is racist and doesn't like them. Long story short, it's not exactly an ideal result if the Ghouls do get in, but the game judges it to be the 'morally good' choice.
So, all this has festered in my mind like the bacteria currently festering in my throat, the main difference between the two being my throat festerings haven't eventually fermented into a thought-beverage I'm quite content with.
Let's take the following hypothetical scenario. A good developer has created a sandbox Action-RPG superhero game in which your character is a blank slate you fill in, choosing powers, appearance, voice, and most importantly moral choice systems determining his/her heroism/villainy. In my personal view, this game would be so awesome it would leave me forever walking around with an erection, but enough about my blood filled penis, onto the thought-beverage I mentioned.
Some people might say "moral choice system? You just agreed with Yahtzee that those things were pointless!" Yes, I did, but they can be made far, far superior by the introduction of additional axis on the graph, eventually making it into a seven sided pandimensional graph only visible to aliens.
Instead of a simple objective-morality-decided-by-developers-good-evil axis, let's consider what would happen if it were instead to rely upon a number of different axis grouped into three groups: Hero/Villain, Super-powered Perception and Public Perception.
The Hero/Villain side of it is a two axis graph, the up-down axis dealing with Crime-stopping vs Crime-committing, and the left-right axis dealing with life preservation. The more the character stops criminal acts, the further north they drift, while if they commit overt criminal acts (such as robbing a bank) they drift south. The life-preserving axis deals with how willing they are to kill. If they get into fights without killing the other side, they drift to the right, if they show willingness to kill they drift to the left.
Put those two axis together and you get one of four (maybe eight if the game wants to be complex) possible titles for the character. Sociopath (bottom left, someone like Doctor Doom), Burgler (bottom right, someone like Cat Woman), Vigilante (top left, someone like the Punisher), or Hero (top right, someone like Spiderman).
Superpowered Perception, once again divided into two axis. First, the up down axis is the character's scale, ranging from local (Daredevil kind of stuff, helps mostly a small area), through national (deals with stuff that affects a whole country, primarily), all the way up to Interplanetary (deals with stuff affecting one or more planets) with a few more levels in the middle. The Left-right axis is the characters "loner" rating, how willing they are to deal and work with others.
Put those together, and this axis influences gameplay. It alters how often submissions might come to you, how often you might be able to call on help (but have to split any pay off, if you're a villain), and what sort of level your help will be called on. The up-down axis will probably move as the character increases in power.
Finally, Public Perception, again into two axis. The up-down axis is media reporting, while the left-right is public view. The brighter the indicator on the up-down axis, the more media reporting you're getting, while the more north it is the more positive it is. This axis would influence the right-left axis, which is public perception. Public perception is how the normal person on the street sees you. This axis would be easiest for the player to manipulate. Doing alot of good acts in public view increases public view of you, while doing them in front of cameras increases the media reporting of you. Alternatively a rich character could pay for positive media coverage to try and increase their perception. In this way a character like Lex Luthor could be a villain in the first group of axis, by through appropriate manipulation to both the public and the media could be seen as neutral, possibly even good.
All in all, this would be awesome. The first of the groups of axis would influence how good/evil they actually are, from a relatively objective standpoint, the second influences gameplay, while the third influences how accepted they are.
Yeah, I'm excited about this. Hopefully some game designed will read my blog and steal the idea.
This stuck in my mind, and linked with something I saw in the past. Reading about people's opinions of Fallout 3, I came across a rather bizarre argument. It was an argument over if the 'evil' main character was that evil, focusing on a particular event where there are a bunch of Ghouls trying to get into an apartment building that's still standing and willing to pay for it, but can't because the evil guy in charge is racist and doesn't like them. Long story short, it's not exactly an ideal result if the Ghouls do get in, but the game judges it to be the 'morally good' choice.
So, all this has festered in my mind like the bacteria currently festering in my throat, the main difference between the two being my throat festerings haven't eventually fermented into a thought-beverage I'm quite content with.
Let's take the following hypothetical scenario. A good developer has created a sandbox Action-RPG superhero game in which your character is a blank slate you fill in, choosing powers, appearance, voice, and most importantly moral choice systems determining his/her heroism/villainy. In my personal view, this game would be so awesome it would leave me forever walking around with an erection, but enough about my blood filled penis, onto the thought-beverage I mentioned.
Some people might say "moral choice system? You just agreed with Yahtzee that those things were pointless!" Yes, I did, but they can be made far, far superior by the introduction of additional axis on the graph, eventually making it into a seven sided pandimensional graph only visible to aliens.
Instead of a simple objective-morality-decided-by-developers-good-evil axis, let's consider what would happen if it were instead to rely upon a number of different axis grouped into three groups: Hero/Villain, Super-powered Perception and Public Perception.
The Hero/Villain side of it is a two axis graph, the up-down axis dealing with Crime-stopping vs Crime-committing, and the left-right axis dealing with life preservation. The more the character stops criminal acts, the further north they drift, while if they commit overt criminal acts (such as robbing a bank) they drift south. The life-preserving axis deals with how willing they are to kill. If they get into fights without killing the other side, they drift to the right, if they show willingness to kill they drift to the left.
Put those two axis together and you get one of four (maybe eight if the game wants to be complex) possible titles for the character. Sociopath (bottom left, someone like Doctor Doom), Burgler (bottom right, someone like Cat Woman), Vigilante (top left, someone like the Punisher), or Hero (top right, someone like Spiderman).
Superpowered Perception, once again divided into two axis. First, the up down axis is the character's scale, ranging from local (Daredevil kind of stuff, helps mostly a small area), through national (deals with stuff that affects a whole country, primarily), all the way up to Interplanetary (deals with stuff affecting one or more planets) with a few more levels in the middle. The Left-right axis is the characters "loner" rating, how willing they are to deal and work with others.
Put those together, and this axis influences gameplay. It alters how often submissions might come to you, how often you might be able to call on help (but have to split any pay off, if you're a villain), and what sort of level your help will be called on. The up-down axis will probably move as the character increases in power.
Finally, Public Perception, again into two axis. The up-down axis is media reporting, while the left-right is public view. The brighter the indicator on the up-down axis, the more media reporting you're getting, while the more north it is the more positive it is. This axis would influence the right-left axis, which is public perception. Public perception is how the normal person on the street sees you. This axis would be easiest for the player to manipulate. Doing alot of good acts in public view increases public view of you, while doing them in front of cameras increases the media reporting of you. Alternatively a rich character could pay for positive media coverage to try and increase their perception. In this way a character like Lex Luthor could be a villain in the first group of axis, by through appropriate manipulation to both the public and the media could be seen as neutral, possibly even good.
All in all, this would be awesome. The first of the groups of axis would influence how good/evil they actually are, from a relatively objective standpoint, the second influences gameplay, while the third influences how accepted they are.
Yeah, I'm excited about this. Hopefully some game designed will read my blog and steal the idea.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Misread excitement
God damnit I hate reading things incorrectly.
I read this as "EA combines Mythic and BioWare into making a giant robot RPG"
God. Damn. It.
I want a giant robot RPG now.
P.S. Additional: Russians are crazy.
I read this as "EA combines Mythic and BioWare into making a giant robot RPG"
God. Damn. It.
I want a giant robot RPG now.
P.S. Additional: Russians are crazy.
Monday, June 22, 2009
More SCPs
Well, I got bored. Here's another one of those SCP things I came up with while I was supposed to be working. Enjoy.
Item #: SCP-829
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedure: SCP-829 is to be kept in a 15 foot by 15 foot contained room at site █. During the regular termination cycle of local class D personnel, one individual is to be placed in 829's containment room for feeding. Two guards are to be stationed in the linked security room at all times to monitor SCP-829 for unusual activity. In the event that one of the three security cameras cease to operate, a single class D subject is to be sent into the room as a distraction while technicians replace the camera. Haste is advised in this endeavour. In the event that SCP-829 escapes, personnel are advised to find suitable hiding locations and make as little noise as possible until the danger has passed.
Description: SCP-829 appears to be a six foot tall male of approximately young-adult age. More precise figures are deemed impossible to determine due to the highly advanced degree of necrosis in SCP-829's body. It is unknown how SCP-829 maintains structural integrity or it's substantial strength, since through the many decaying holes in the subjects skin it is clear the internal organs and structures are experiencing similar decay. Every inch of SCP-829's skin looks like it is in an advanced state of rot, although no leftover skin particles have been recovered from the floor of the containment chamber, implying that the SCP is disintegrating at a molecular, or possibly even atomic level.
SCP-829 appears to be indestructable to common assaults, with its only damage coming from the above mentioned necrosis. Despite repeated attempts during the original containment process SCP-829 appears to be unaffected by fire, and even when doused in petrolium and set alight, the flames only remained present long enough for the fuel to burn away, then dissipated with no obvious damage to the SCP. Large calibre bullets fired at SCP-829 do not seem to impact it. Slow motion cameras showing the bullets ceasing to exist moments before they hit the target. Tests have currently been proposed utilising a melee bladed weapon to see if it can pierce SCP-829's skin, or if it will vanish as the bullets do.
SCP-829 possessed advanced strength, more then capable of applying blunt force powerful enough to break through its containment cell. Of greater interest is what research staff are calling its "decaying touch". If any part of it comes into contact with a human being with a functioning heartbeat, the infected area will begin to decay rapidly. This decay will not stretch beyond the location touched, but touching SCP-829 usually involves it attempting to grapple its intended food, and as such is usually fatal anyway. The use of hazmat and other protective gear either has no effect (for 'thin' protective gear) or very little, as it rips the protection off its target in order to feed. Anything thicker then three milimeters is forcibly removed.
There is no evidence of intelligence beyond that of a very basic animal. When SCP-829 is not feeding, it sits or stands quietly in it's cell, apparently dormant. If an individual enters its cell and it is not already busy feeding it will advance at a moderate walking pace on the victim and restrain them for feeding. If it has not been fed at least once in the previous 43 days (the number was established through unfortunate experimentation) it will attempt to escape from its cell by employing blunt force on the nearest wall until containment is compromised and wandering around in an apparently random pattern until a suitable target has been found. If more targets present themselves after initially feeding it will continue this pattern until no more targets are visible, at which point it will once more fall dormant. If SCP-829 is attacked by an unseen assailant it will attempt to search the area for any sign of targets.
SCP-829's senses are below average for a human being. Tests have determined it can only see things at a maximum of fifty feet away (I would attribute this to the state of decay its eyes are in, but to be honest nothing should be able to see through those eyes - Dr █████), and its sense of smell is about average for a human being. SCP-829's hearing is above average, and apparently it is capable of tracking people to a reasonable degree by sound. This is not supernatural to any extent, as it is about as proficient at this as a reasonable modern day sports-hunter. Unusually, mechanical noises do not bother SCP-829 and it has no reaction to them. For example, the sound of a stick being broken inside SCP-829's cell will attract its attention, but the same sound played through a audio-recorder will provoke no reaction at all. Despite its apparently limited intelligence, current theory is that it is working off learnt behaviour, as is the past few months it has learnt to pay attention when the door of its cell opens (this sound always occurs before feeding).
The feeding process is quite visceral. First, the target is physically restrained by SCP-829's - escape before this point is possible due to the relatively slow speed of 829's pursuit, but after being seized it is considered impossible to escape. Areas where SCP-829's skin touches the skin of its target begin to necrosize immediately, rotting at a highly advanced rate. The second stage involves 829 clamping its jaws down upon the target's neck. It is unknown if this must be done upon the neck, but that seems to be its preference. Once this occurs all systems of the target except the circulatory system and enough of the brain to keep the heart pumping seem to shut down and decay at the same advanced rate. This continues for approximately 20 minutes until the body has decayed to the point it can no longer support the circulatory system, at which point SCP-829 appears to lose interest and discard the remains, which continue their rapid decay. Any attempt to interrupt its feeding process will be ignored. Attacks upon it will be ignored, and attempts to forcibly remove from its target will either be ignored, or result in the hands of the remover suffering advanced decay.
For approximately 40 days after feeding, SCP's rate of necrosis halts, and if it has been fed more then a single human adult in those 40 days it appears to reverse very slightly. Experiments to determine how far this reversal would go were discontinued after forty class-D personnel were used with no results in sight.
SCP-829 was located in the middle of ██████ National Park. Agents were dispatched after reports filtered through of ██ unexplained disappearances in the park over the course of ██ years. SCP-829 was secured with acceptable casualties and transported to site █, where it has remained under the study of Dr █████.
Item #: SCP-829
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedure: SCP-829 is to be kept in a 15 foot by 15 foot contained room at site █. During the regular termination cycle of local class D personnel, one individual is to be placed in 829's containment room for feeding. Two guards are to be stationed in the linked security room at all times to monitor SCP-829 for unusual activity. In the event that one of the three security cameras cease to operate, a single class D subject is to be sent into the room as a distraction while technicians replace the camera. Haste is advised in this endeavour. In the event that SCP-829 escapes, personnel are advised to find suitable hiding locations and make as little noise as possible until the danger has passed.
Description: SCP-829 appears to be a six foot tall male of approximately young-adult age. More precise figures are deemed impossible to determine due to the highly advanced degree of necrosis in SCP-829's body. It is unknown how SCP-829 maintains structural integrity or it's substantial strength, since through the many decaying holes in the subjects skin it is clear the internal organs and structures are experiencing similar decay. Every inch of SCP-829's skin looks like it is in an advanced state of rot, although no leftover skin particles have been recovered from the floor of the containment chamber, implying that the SCP is disintegrating at a molecular, or possibly even atomic level.
SCP-829 appears to be indestructable to common assaults, with its only damage coming from the above mentioned necrosis. Despite repeated attempts during the original containment process SCP-829 appears to be unaffected by fire, and even when doused in petrolium and set alight, the flames only remained present long enough for the fuel to burn away, then dissipated with no obvious damage to the SCP. Large calibre bullets fired at SCP-829 do not seem to impact it. Slow motion cameras showing the bullets ceasing to exist moments before they hit the target. Tests have currently been proposed utilising a melee bladed weapon to see if it can pierce SCP-829's skin, or if it will vanish as the bullets do.
SCP-829 possessed advanced strength, more then capable of applying blunt force powerful enough to break through its containment cell. Of greater interest is what research staff are calling its "decaying touch". If any part of it comes into contact with a human being with a functioning heartbeat, the infected area will begin to decay rapidly. This decay will not stretch beyond the location touched, but touching SCP-829 usually involves it attempting to grapple its intended food, and as such is usually fatal anyway. The use of hazmat and other protective gear either has no effect (for 'thin' protective gear) or very little, as it rips the protection off its target in order to feed. Anything thicker then three milimeters is forcibly removed.
There is no evidence of intelligence beyond that of a very basic animal. When SCP-829 is not feeding, it sits or stands quietly in it's cell, apparently dormant. If an individual enters its cell and it is not already busy feeding it will advance at a moderate walking pace on the victim and restrain them for feeding. If it has not been fed at least once in the previous 43 days (the number was established through unfortunate experimentation) it will attempt to escape from its cell by employing blunt force on the nearest wall until containment is compromised and wandering around in an apparently random pattern until a suitable target has been found. If more targets present themselves after initially feeding it will continue this pattern until no more targets are visible, at which point it will once more fall dormant. If SCP-829 is attacked by an unseen assailant it will attempt to search the area for any sign of targets.
SCP-829's senses are below average for a human being. Tests have determined it can only see things at a maximum of fifty feet away (I would attribute this to the state of decay its eyes are in, but to be honest nothing should be able to see through those eyes - Dr █████), and its sense of smell is about average for a human being. SCP-829's hearing is above average, and apparently it is capable of tracking people to a reasonable degree by sound. This is not supernatural to any extent, as it is about as proficient at this as a reasonable modern day sports-hunter. Unusually, mechanical noises do not bother SCP-829 and it has no reaction to them. For example, the sound of a stick being broken inside SCP-829's cell will attract its attention, but the same sound played through a audio-recorder will provoke no reaction at all. Despite its apparently limited intelligence, current theory is that it is working off learnt behaviour, as is the past few months it has learnt to pay attention when the door of its cell opens (this sound always occurs before feeding).
The feeding process is quite visceral. First, the target is physically restrained by SCP-829's - escape before this point is possible due to the relatively slow speed of 829's pursuit, but after being seized it is considered impossible to escape. Areas where SCP-829's skin touches the skin of its target begin to necrosize immediately, rotting at a highly advanced rate. The second stage involves 829 clamping its jaws down upon the target's neck. It is unknown if this must be done upon the neck, but that seems to be its preference. Once this occurs all systems of the target except the circulatory system and enough of the brain to keep the heart pumping seem to shut down and decay at the same advanced rate. This continues for approximately 20 minutes until the body has decayed to the point it can no longer support the circulatory system, at which point SCP-829 appears to lose interest and discard the remains, which continue their rapid decay. Any attempt to interrupt its feeding process will be ignored. Attacks upon it will be ignored, and attempts to forcibly remove from its target will either be ignored, or result in the hands of the remover suffering advanced decay.
For approximately 40 days after feeding, SCP's rate of necrosis halts, and if it has been fed more then a single human adult in those 40 days it appears to reverse very slightly. Experiments to determine how far this reversal would go were discontinued after forty class-D personnel were used with no results in sight.
SCP-829 was located in the middle of ██████ National Park. Agents were dispatched after reports filtered through of ██ unexplained disappearances in the park over the course of ██ years. SCP-829 was secured with acceptable casualties and transported to site █, where it has remained under the study of Dr █████.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Filler post
Once again, still not able to make a full post, but I suppose I owe you guys SOMETHING.
Ok, here's a link to something that will rip apart your free time.
The SCP foundation (Secure, Contain, Protect). Basically it's an awesome pretend MIB like group who 'procure' items of supernatural or superscience origin that are either too powerful or too dangerous to be entrusted to the world. Just to give you an idea how horrible the place is, all the hazardous work is done by "Class D personnel". Class D is code for "people we got out of the prison system".
Here are a few of my favourites.
Here, wear this, it'll make you healthy, right up until it turns you into a blob of flesh.
Infectious quartz.
Try not to feel 'ick' after reading this.
They can be quite creepy, too.
But they also have a sense of humour.
Sometimes they're downright AWESOME.
And back to creepy.
And the final one for the night.
And, end on something pretty.
From this guy's blog.
Ok, here's a link to something that will rip apart your free time.
The SCP foundation (Secure, Contain, Protect). Basically it's an awesome pretend MIB like group who 'procure' items of supernatural or superscience origin that are either too powerful or too dangerous to be entrusted to the world. Just to give you an idea how horrible the place is, all the hazardous work is done by "Class D personnel". Class D is code for "people we got out of the prison system".
Here are a few of my favourites.
Here, wear this, it'll make you healthy, right up until it turns you into a blob of flesh.
Infectious quartz.
Try not to feel 'ick' after reading this.
They can be quite creepy, too.
But they also have a sense of humour.
Sometimes they're downright AWESOME.
And back to creepy.
And the final one for the night.
And, end on something pretty.
From this guy's blog.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
No post
Sorry, once again no posts.
Stressed out of my ballsack with Uni Honours work. By this Thursday I need to finish a Research proposal, then by next Monday I need to have finished a 2,500 word critical review of two books, only one of which I've read. OH DANG.
Stressed out of my ballsack with Uni Honours work. By this Thursday I need to finish a Research proposal, then by next Monday I need to have finished a 2,500 word critical review of two books, only one of which I've read. OH DANG.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Gorgeous George
I shouldn't be spreading this around so much, but...
This is just proof I am a bad person. I am laughing at this man's bad fortune, but honestly he seems to deserve it.
Who is this man? Why is he so obnoxious on TV, and why does he receive so many horrible prank calls?
Say hello to Gorgeous George. Please feel free to look at more of the videos about him.
Basically Gorgeous George is like a TV version of Kyle Sandilands but with poor pronunciation (if you're not Australian, you wouldn't know who Kyle Sandilands is. You are one of the lucky ones). I really should not be laughing so hard at all the prank calls, especially since most of them are just people shouting "fag", but some of them... Some of them just have me crying with laughter. I don't know why, but for some reason hearing Gorgeous George shout at the TV 'Alright, time for another call! Line one, you're ont he air' and be greeted with the sound of a toilet flushing for the fifth time is absolutely priceless.
Oh, and in one of these videos is my absolute favourite prank call line ever.
Caller: Hi George! I've got a question
George: Well I've got an answer.
C: How, how tall are you? Because it's hard to tell while you're sitting down.
G: I'm Six One.... Read More
C: Really!?
G: Yes really.
C: Wow! I didn't know they stacked shit that high.
This is just proof I am a bad person. I am laughing at this man's bad fortune, but honestly he seems to deserve it.
Who is this man? Why is he so obnoxious on TV, and why does he receive so many horrible prank calls?
Say hello to Gorgeous George. Please feel free to look at more of the videos about him.
Basically Gorgeous George is like a TV version of Kyle Sandilands but with poor pronunciation (if you're not Australian, you wouldn't know who Kyle Sandilands is. You are one of the lucky ones). I really should not be laughing so hard at all the prank calls, especially since most of them are just people shouting "fag", but some of them... Some of them just have me crying with laughter. I don't know why, but for some reason hearing Gorgeous George shout at the TV 'Alright, time for another call! Line one, you're ont he air' and be greeted with the sound of a toilet flushing for the fifth time is absolutely priceless.
Oh, and in one of these videos is my absolute favourite prank call line ever.
Caller: Hi George! I've got a question
George: Well I've got an answer.
C: How, how tall are you? Because it's hard to tell while you're sitting down.
G: I'm Six One.... Read More
C: Really!?
G: Yes really.
C: Wow! I didn't know they stacked shit that high.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Upcoming attractions part 3
1.
Oh shit. This made me nerdgasm so hard I came my god damned SOUL.
Bioware, I take it back, I take it all back. I have had bad experiences with MMOs, they don't mesh well with my playstyle, and KotOR 2 left me with a bad taste in my mouth, but now...
Not only have you turned me from "meh, not sold" on The Old Republic, but you've turned me from a die-hard Jedi player, to the Dark Side.
Seriously, Mr Lucas? Retire. Let Bioware make your movies and TV shows. If you turned that trailer into a 90 minute movie, I would die a happy man.
2. MONKEY ISLAND 5.
What more do I need to say. MONKEY ISLAND 5. Seriously, if you are not already excited, there is something wrong with you, or you were born in the 90s.
Best of all, it's being done by Telltale games. Not sure who they are? They're a collection of ex-LucasArts employees who were around during the hey-day of Point and Click adventure games. They've already released two Sam and Max games.
Like the Sam and Max games, this Monkey Island game will be released episodically. Once a month about a fifth of a game will come out. You can either play them as they come (if the Sam and Max episodes were an indicator, they're good stand-alone), or wait for them all and play it at once.
I'm excited.
Oh shit. This made me nerdgasm so hard I came my god damned SOUL.
Bioware, I take it back, I take it all back. I have had bad experiences with MMOs, they don't mesh well with my playstyle, and KotOR 2 left me with a bad taste in my mouth, but now...
Not only have you turned me from "meh, not sold" on The Old Republic, but you've turned me from a die-hard Jedi player, to the Dark Side.
Seriously, Mr Lucas? Retire. Let Bioware make your movies and TV shows. If you turned that trailer into a 90 minute movie, I would die a happy man.
2. MONKEY ISLAND 5.
What more do I need to say. MONKEY ISLAND 5. Seriously, if you are not already excited, there is something wrong with you, or you were born in the 90s.
Best of all, it's being done by Telltale games. Not sure who they are? They're a collection of ex-LucasArts employees who were around during the hey-day of Point and Click adventure games. They've already released two Sam and Max games.
Like the Sam and Max games, this Monkey Island game will be released episodically. Once a month about a fifth of a game will come out. You can either play them as they come (if the Sam and Max episodes were an indicator, they're good stand-alone), or wait for them all and play it at once.
I'm excited.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Worst segue's ever
In place of actual geeky content I had to think about, here is a list I came up with in twenty minutes. Enjoy.
These are those conversation segue's that can never lead in a good direction. Seriously, NONE of the possible topics of conversation these can transition to, are good.
1. On the topic of Alpaca's...
2. Oh, speaking of police brutality...
3. Since you mentioned horendous smells...
4. While we're discussing onomatopoeia...
5. Yeah, talking about your stupid habits...
6. On the subject of bad news...
7. While we're talking about how horrible this week has been for you
8. Oh, talking about your dead pets...
9. Hey, talking about shitty remakes of your treasured childhood memories...
10. Now that you mention pregnancy...
11. ... and that scar leads me neatly into this next topic...
12. Oh, as long as the topic of your toothbrush is up, I should let you know....
13. ... and speaking of lawsuits, you remember that dude you pissed off?
Actual posts coming soon.
These are those conversation segue's that can never lead in a good direction. Seriously, NONE of the possible topics of conversation these can transition to, are good.
1. On the topic of Alpaca's...
2. Oh, speaking of police brutality...
3. Since you mentioned horendous smells...
4. While we're discussing onomatopoeia...
5. Yeah, talking about your stupid habits...
6. On the subject of bad news...
7. While we're talking about how horrible this week has been for you
8. Oh, talking about your dead pets...
9. Hey, talking about shitty remakes of your treasured childhood memories...
10. Now that you mention pregnancy...
11. ... and that scar leads me neatly into this next topic...
12. Oh, as long as the topic of your toothbrush is up, I should let you know....
13. ... and speaking of lawsuits, you remember that dude you pissed off?
Actual posts coming soon.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Slow posts apology
Due to an influx of work I need to do for my Honours (AKA all the work I should have been doing for weeks suddenly being due soon) this blog is on hold.
I can hear your collective groans of disappointment. Odd, they sound a lot like cheering.
In supplication, here are two of my favourite sites, currently.
They fight Crime.
Texts from last night.
I can hear your collective groans of disappointment. Odd, they sound a lot like cheering.
In supplication, here are two of my favourite sites, currently.
They fight Crime.
Texts from last night.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Upcoming attractions part 2
Just something to start you off.
5. The G.I. Joe movie could be great, it could be average, or it could be horrible.
Here's a link to the trailer.
I want to say more, but really there's too little in the trailer to go off, other then one thing.
Adebisi is in it.
6. SHERLOCK HOLMES.
SHERLOCK BLOODY HOLMES NOW HAS A HOLLYWOOD MOVIE.
You know the ONLY reason I have any faith in this? Robert Downey Jnr. If anyone could play the drug addict, eccentric with faulty logic of fakestreet London, it's Mr Downey Jnr.
Actually, I lie. To me it looks pretty impressive. Obviously the movie trailer has focused on the more Hollywoodsy parts (bare knuckle boxing, something Holmes is already considered a master of in the canon), but I would not be surprised if it was reasonably true to the Holmesian styles.
7. Empire: Total War
I won't bother linking it, since honestly I've not really paid it much attention. I shouldn't include it on "upcoming" attractions since it's already released, but it's "upcoming" for me since I don't have it and likely won't get it.
I know, I know, the idea of me not being balls-out excited by a Total War game is sheer lunacy, but the 18th century sucked. You heard me. The only good thing to happen in the 18th century was the creation of the Swashbuckler.
I just can't bring myself to enjoy the warfare of the 18th century. I put it on this list since I'm open to being wowed by the game should I ever play it, but up until that happens I have no interest in trying it out.
8. Overlord 2.
While I never played more then the demo of Overlord 1, I heard good things about it and have been meaning to try and get my hands on it lately. I have to admit I'm quite curious as to the direction the game will evolve in with the upcoming sequel.
It's good to be bad.
You know, I'm running out of things I'm looking forward to, entertainment wise, this year. Man, is that depressing or what. I was foreseeing three parts in this series.
Oh well. Coming up tomorrow, how Hollywood changing beloved cartoons while making movies out of them isn't new. Gasp, shock horror, etc.
5. The G.I. Joe movie could be great, it could be average, or it could be horrible.
Here's a link to the trailer.
I want to say more, but really there's too little in the trailer to go off, other then one thing.
Adebisi is in it.
6. SHERLOCK HOLMES.
SHERLOCK BLOODY HOLMES NOW HAS A HOLLYWOOD MOVIE.
You know the ONLY reason I have any faith in this? Robert Downey Jnr. If anyone could play the drug addict, eccentric with faulty logic of fakestreet London, it's Mr Downey Jnr.
Actually, I lie. To me it looks pretty impressive. Obviously the movie trailer has focused on the more Hollywoodsy parts (bare knuckle boxing, something Holmes is already considered a master of in the canon), but I would not be surprised if it was reasonably true to the Holmesian styles.
7. Empire: Total War
I won't bother linking it, since honestly I've not really paid it much attention. I shouldn't include it on "upcoming" attractions since it's already released, but it's "upcoming" for me since I don't have it and likely won't get it.
I know, I know, the idea of me not being balls-out excited by a Total War game is sheer lunacy, but the 18th century sucked. You heard me. The only good thing to happen in the 18th century was the creation of the Swashbuckler.
I just can't bring myself to enjoy the warfare of the 18th century. I put it on this list since I'm open to being wowed by the game should I ever play it, but up until that happens I have no interest in trying it out.
8. Overlord 2.
While I never played more then the demo of Overlord 1, I heard good things about it and have been meaning to try and get my hands on it lately. I have to admit I'm quite curious as to the direction the game will evolve in with the upcoming sequel.
It's good to be bad.
You know, I'm running out of things I'm looking forward to, entertainment wise, this year. Man, is that depressing or what. I was foreseeing three parts in this series.
Oh well. Coming up tomorrow, how Hollywood changing beloved cartoons while making movies out of them isn't new. Gasp, shock horror, etc.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
The voice of Megatron
Part two of my 'upcoming attractions' list will be next, for now I am just in awe of a certain man.
What do Megatron, the Mutants in the second Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, and literally HUNDREDS of animals in various animated and live action shows/movies have in common?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Welker
This man. Frank. Goddamn. Welker. This man is a god among the voice acting community, and you should learn to pay respect to him.
Seriously, his list of shows and movies he's voiced things for it twice the length of the rest of his wikipedia article. Read it, and marvel at the many, many roles this man has done.
What do Megatron, the Mutants in the second Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, and literally HUNDREDS of animals in various animated and live action shows/movies have in common?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Welker
This man. Frank. Goddamn. Welker. This man is a god among the voice acting community, and you should learn to pay respect to him.
Seriously, his list of shows and movies he's voiced things for it twice the length of the rest of his wikipedia article. Read it, and marvel at the many, many roles this man has done.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Upcoming attractions part 1
In my own highly arrogant style, I choose to believe everyone who matters is interested in what I am interested in. So, with that in mind, let's have a look at upcoming things that, I believe, will bring THE AWESOME to the party, or at least have the potential to do so.
1. Dragon Age. No one who has been anywhere NEAR this blog will be surprised by this.
It's a Bioware (tick) made western RPG (tick) focusing on a gritty gothic fantasy (tick) world where the player create their own character (tick) including their origin story (tick) without relying solely upon a 'good vs evil' morality system (tick). Your character is the last hope of the world in an epic struggle against horrific monsters (tick tick), attempting to unite the powers in the region against them, forging your own army to stop the potential destruction of the world as you know it (tick tick tick).
Nothing more to say, really.
2. Infamous/Prototype. I am interested in both of these games, but I have a serious dilemma. Which one do I get? They come out at roughly the same time, and both look great, how do I decide? Let's compare the two.
One is a sandbox open world game where you play a character waking up to find himself with super powers, in a city in chaos. You have to use your powers to find out what happened, all the while jumping, climbing, flying your way around the city and dealing with hordes of enemies, learning new uses for your powers.
The other is a sandbox open world game where you play a character waking up to find himself with super powers, in a city in chaos. You have to use your powers to find out what happened, all the while jumping, climbing, flying your way around the city and dealing with hordes of enemies, learning new uses for your powers.
Oh dear.
That's my problem, dear readers. While I'm sure once I get into them they will play incredibly differently, have different stories, characterisations, options and choices, they just seem too similar at first glance to decide. It really comes down to: Do I want to play a shapechanger with an Assassins Creed hood, or a Lightning thrower in a game with comic book aesthetics?
3. The second Transformers movie. I know the original wasn't anything groundbreaking, it "broke" the original series, all that sort of crap, but I friggin' ENJOYED it. It was a fun movie, I like the way Shia played his character, and I will admit if Megan Fox offered, I would say yes.
Can't embed this one, you'll have to click a link. SHOCK HORROR.
There were alot of things I would like to have seen done differently, but overall it was a decent movie. And now the most important part comes, seeing what they do with part 2. It could go one of two ways.
A) It does the same thing nearly all sequels do, misunderstand what made the first one enjoyable and screw itself over (Matrix 2 springs to mind as an example. THE MATRIX MOVIES ENDED WITH NUMBER 1).
B) It actually does what the behind the scene stuff suggests. Now that the first movie has gotten all of the introduction and backstory out of the way, they can focus the movie more on the actual Transformers themselves.
P.S. Mr Bay, should you stumble across this, please bring back Jazz somehow. I know it'll invalidate the whole "death is permanent" thing all stories should strive for to make it a genuine threat, but it's far preferable to his fate. Seriously, if you wanted Megatron to seem threatening, have him kill Ironhide, not the second smallest Autobot in the team.
4. My marriage to Aysel, the Azerbaijanian entrant to this years Eurovision. Ok, so I don't even know her yet, I can't conceive of a possible world in which I would ever meet her, and the likelihood of a girl as gorgeous as her, who's intelligent enough to know multiple languages being interested in me is very slim, but I've got things in my favour!
Such as....
Well...
Shut up, a man can dream. Sorry Zendulo, you may have been displaced as my dream-girl.
1. Dragon Age. No one who has been anywhere NEAR this blog will be surprised by this.
It's a Bioware (tick) made western RPG (tick) focusing on a gritty gothic fantasy (tick) world where the player create their own character (tick) including their origin story (tick) without relying solely upon a 'good vs evil' morality system (tick). Your character is the last hope of the world in an epic struggle against horrific monsters (tick tick), attempting to unite the powers in the region against them, forging your own army to stop the potential destruction of the world as you know it (tick tick tick).Nothing more to say, really.
2. Infamous/Prototype. I am interested in both of these games, but I have a serious dilemma. Which one do I get? They come out at roughly the same time, and both look great, how do I decide? Let's compare the two.
One is a sandbox open world game where you play a character waking up to find himself with super powers, in a city in chaos. You have to use your powers to find out what happened, all the while jumping, climbing, flying your way around the city and dealing with hordes of enemies, learning new uses for your powers.
The other is a sandbox open world game where you play a character waking up to find himself with super powers, in a city in chaos. You have to use your powers to find out what happened, all the while jumping, climbing, flying your way around the city and dealing with hordes of enemies, learning new uses for your powers.Oh dear.
That's my problem, dear readers. While I'm sure once I get into them they will play incredibly differently, have different stories, characterisations, options and choices, they just seem too similar at first glance to decide. It really comes down to: Do I want to play a shapechanger with an Assassins Creed hood, or a Lightning thrower in a game with comic book aesthetics?
3. The second Transformers movie. I know the original wasn't anything groundbreaking, it "broke" the original series, all that sort of crap, but I friggin' ENJOYED it. It was a fun movie, I like the way Shia played his character, and I will admit if Megan Fox offered, I would say yes.
Can't embed this one, you'll have to click a link. SHOCK HORROR.
There were alot of things I would like to have seen done differently, but overall it was a decent movie. And now the most important part comes, seeing what they do with part 2. It could go one of two ways.
A) It does the same thing nearly all sequels do, misunderstand what made the first one enjoyable and screw itself over (Matrix 2 springs to mind as an example. THE MATRIX MOVIES ENDED WITH NUMBER 1).
B) It actually does what the behind the scene stuff suggests. Now that the first movie has gotten all of the introduction and backstory out of the way, they can focus the movie more on the actual Transformers themselves.
P.S. Mr Bay, should you stumble across this, please bring back Jazz somehow. I know it'll invalidate the whole "death is permanent" thing all stories should strive for to make it a genuine threat, but it's far preferable to his fate. Seriously, if you wanted Megatron to seem threatening, have him kill Ironhide, not the second smallest Autobot in the team.
4. My marriage to Aysel, the Azerbaijanian entrant to this years Eurovision. Ok, so I don't even know her yet, I can't conceive of a possible world in which I would ever meet her, and the likelihood of a girl as gorgeous as her, who's intelligent enough to know multiple languages being interested in me is very slim, but I've got things in my favour!
Such as....
Well...
Shut up, a man can dream. Sorry Zendulo, you may have been displaced as my dream-girl.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Eurovision Song Contest
Before I share my night-long commentary on the final of the Eurovision song contest, there are four things I would like to get off my chest.
1. Aysel in the Azerbaijan entry was absolutely gorgeous. A quick wikipedia search revealed she's only turned 20 less then half a month ago. Damnit I feel old now.
2. The German entry was absolutely awesome.
If this entry doesn't make you at least KINDA interested in men, if only for two minutes (until Dita Von Teese shows up), there's something wrong with you.
3. Norway, for most of the voting, was double it's nearest rival. Can I just say that I didn't enjoy the Norwegian entry? No doubt it had it's fans (otherwise it wouldn't have won so convincingly), but I plain didn't enjoy it.
4. Who noticed the voting blocks? That's right, the Eurovision song contest has 'talent' as a secondary consideration at best, the primary consideration being old alliances and grudges between countries. Want to know why Norway won? They had a reasonable entry, and NO ONE DISLIKES THEM.
Now, only my running commentary
7:42
A pair of wires, a giant treadmill, and a pack of adoring women. Wow, last years Russian winner got paid well.
7:45
It seems they saved the 'good' hosts for the finals. It haven't once seen him try to feel her up
7:49
My enjoyment of Lithuania's entrant was ruined when I noticed two things. 1. He has sharp side burns. 2. The piano kept playing when he stood up. ILLUSION BROKEN
7:51
P.S. Lithuania, you gain nothing when using your Eurovision entry to inform the world that your people are flammable.
7:53
Israel, just for getting my hopes up about the possibility of cleavage, then dashing them (damned skin coloured dress sections) I award you nil points.
7:57
The French entrant is gracing us with the little known French dialect of 'phlegmy French'.
8:02
Dear Sweden: A dress should not be described as 'shaggy'. 'Shaggy' should be limited to carpets, dogs and Hanna Barbara cartton characters only
8:05
According to the 'postcards' advertising each country in the Eurovision, the entirety of Europe is populated by breakdancers, skateboarders, and women looking inordinately happy to be crossing the road.
8:08
I was going to list who was off their faces with the Portuguese entry, but it might be quicker to list the people ON their faces. "What do you want the backdrop to look like?" "Take this and draw what you see."
8:29
Call me picky, Russia, but I don't enjoy a 30 foot video screen showing a crying old woman. That may just be me, though.
8:33
And Azerbaijan wins the "most winks in a single performance" with three in three minutes. Oh, and to the dude, if you're singing with a 20 year old and playing a ukulele with an extended neck it does look like you're compensating for something.
8:37
Bosnia's entrant makes me wonder: How much thought goes into the degree of 'scruffy unshaven' look the performers cultivate? Would he have shaven just before the semi's in order to get the right look for the finals, or would he had had the idea look in the semi's, to try and get through?
8:44
Look closely, the Moldovan entrant has "don't panic" written in Moldovan on her left palm.
8:46
If anyone is missing a mop, the Moldovan entrant's backup singer seems to have found it.
8:50
Someone told me the Maltese entrant that a lot of REALLY good female singers are unattractive. She got the equation half right
8:52
The Estonian entrant just confirms it. Violins/string instruments are the new black
9:00
The German entrant has just made me gay. I have no regrets.
9:02
And now they've just brought out a burlesque performer, Miss Dita Von Teese. I'm straight again.
9:04
Turkey: "One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong"
9:10
Albania: A second helping of twin midget joker break dancers and a sequined gimp DOES NOT MAKE IT BETTER. Only one word can describe it: Skeeeevy.
9:12
Norway, we've seen you play your violin twice, and twice you've broken your bow. I think you may be doing something wrong.
9:17
I think the Cameraman had a seizure during the Ukranian entry. I don't blame him I nearly had one myself.
9:19
Oh, and a question to the Ukraine: What IS an "anti-crisis girl"? Is it like a "normal day girl"?
9:20
And a big hello to the Romanian entrant! As a side note,t he dancers, choreography and outfits were chosen by the male population of the world aged 18-55
9:28
There are many things that could be said about the UK entrant, so I'll limit myself to one: I think I saw nipple.
9:33
Wow Finland. I didn't realise it was possible to get away with pants and a pair of sleeves. And nothing else.
9:36
Just so you know, Spain, flesh coloured jump suits with glitter is cheating. You're getting me interested for nothing.
10:28
Oh please, don't let the German entrant lose to the UK entrant. For the love of all things nerdy, don't let the Germans be beaten by Malta!
10:59
Oh thank god, Germany beat Malta! I am content with the Eurovision, justice is served.
11:00
Though the Norwegian entry was about as fun as stringing my pubes appropriately and playing them like a violin, and really didn't deserve to win... It's the Eurovision, no one who deserves to win ever wins it.
1. Aysel in the Azerbaijan entry was absolutely gorgeous. A quick wikipedia search revealed she's only turned 20 less then half a month ago. Damnit I feel old now.
2. The German entry was absolutely awesome.
If this entry doesn't make you at least KINDA interested in men, if only for two minutes (until Dita Von Teese shows up), there's something wrong with you.
3. Norway, for most of the voting, was double it's nearest rival. Can I just say that I didn't enjoy the Norwegian entry? No doubt it had it's fans (otherwise it wouldn't have won so convincingly), but I plain didn't enjoy it.
4. Who noticed the voting blocks? That's right, the Eurovision song contest has 'talent' as a secondary consideration at best, the primary consideration being old alliances and grudges between countries. Want to know why Norway won? They had a reasonable entry, and NO ONE DISLIKES THEM.
Now, only my running commentary
7:42
A pair of wires, a giant treadmill, and a pack of adoring women. Wow, last years Russian winner got paid well.
7:45
It seems they saved the 'good' hosts for the finals. It haven't once seen him try to feel her up
7:49
My enjoyment of Lithuania's entrant was ruined when I noticed two things. 1. He has sharp side burns. 2. The piano kept playing when he stood up. ILLUSION BROKEN
7:51
P.S. Lithuania, you gain nothing when using your Eurovision entry to inform the world that your people are flammable.
7:53
Israel, just for getting my hopes up about the possibility of cleavage, then dashing them (damned skin coloured dress sections) I award you nil points.
7:57
The French entrant is gracing us with the little known French dialect of 'phlegmy French'.
8:02
Dear Sweden: A dress should not be described as 'shaggy'. 'Shaggy' should be limited to carpets, dogs and Hanna Barbara cartton characters only
8:05
According to the 'postcards' advertising each country in the Eurovision, the entirety of Europe is populated by breakdancers, skateboarders, and women looking inordinately happy to be crossing the road.
8:08
I was going to list who was off their faces with the Portuguese entry, but it might be quicker to list the people ON their faces. "What do you want the backdrop to look like?" "Take this and draw what you see."
8:29
Call me picky, Russia, but I don't enjoy a 30 foot video screen showing a crying old woman. That may just be me, though.
8:33
And Azerbaijan wins the "most winks in a single performance" with three in three minutes. Oh, and to the dude, if you're singing with a 20 year old and playing a ukulele with an extended neck it does look like you're compensating for something.
8:37
Bosnia's entrant makes me wonder: How much thought goes into the degree of 'scruffy unshaven' look the performers cultivate? Would he have shaven just before the semi's in order to get the right look for the finals, or would he had had the idea look in the semi's, to try and get through?
8:44
Look closely, the Moldovan entrant has "don't panic" written in Moldovan on her left palm.
8:46
If anyone is missing a mop, the Moldovan entrant's backup singer seems to have found it.
8:50
Someone told me the Maltese entrant that a lot of REALLY good female singers are unattractive. She got the equation half right
8:52
The Estonian entrant just confirms it. Violins/string instruments are the new black
9:00
The German entrant has just made me gay. I have no regrets.
9:02
And now they've just brought out a burlesque performer, Miss Dita Von Teese. I'm straight again.
9:04
Turkey: "One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong"
9:10
Albania: A second helping of twin midget joker break dancers and a sequined gimp DOES NOT MAKE IT BETTER. Only one word can describe it: Skeeeevy.
9:12
Norway, we've seen you play your violin twice, and twice you've broken your bow. I think you may be doing something wrong.
9:17
I think the Cameraman had a seizure during the Ukranian entry. I don't blame him I nearly had one myself.
9:19
Oh, and a question to the Ukraine: What IS an "anti-crisis girl"? Is it like a "normal day girl"?
9:20
And a big hello to the Romanian entrant! As a side note,t he dancers, choreography and outfits were chosen by the male population of the world aged 18-55
9:28
There are many things that could be said about the UK entrant, so I'll limit myself to one: I think I saw nipple.
9:33
Wow Finland. I didn't realise it was possible to get away with pants and a pair of sleeves. And nothing else.
9:36
Just so you know, Spain, flesh coloured jump suits with glitter is cheating. You're getting me interested for nothing.
10:28
Oh please, don't let the German entrant lose to the UK entrant. For the love of all things nerdy, don't let the Germans be beaten by Malta!
10:59
Oh thank god, Germany beat Malta! I am content with the Eurovision, justice is served.
11:00
Though the Norwegian entry was about as fun as stringing my pubes appropriately and playing them like a violin, and really didn't deserve to win... It's the Eurovision, no one who deserves to win ever wins it.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Eurovision Song Contest semi-finals
As my first post in the 200s, I decided to go non-geeky and share something with you. During the Semi-finals of the Eurovision Song Contest I kept a running commentary on facebook, and I would like to share it with you now.
Friday Night
8:17
The Armenian entrant's strategy seems to be "get six women on a bed and set it on fire, that'll win it for us."
8:22
Wow. Just saw one eurovision entrant that looked like one of the women was beaten with an ugly stick, then the second woman was beaten with the first woman.
8:25
Bulgaria's male singer has a higher voice than his female backing singers
8:27
"We've got some horrible dancers! This is bad, how can we improve them?" "Put them on stilts!"
8:30
One of Turkey's female backing singers/dancers obviously called in sick, and they had to replace her with the male dance choreographer in a bad silk shirt.
8:32
Iceland had Neil Patrick Harris' evil twin (in a bad suit) as one of the backing singers
8:33
Macedonia thought Bill and Ted was a serious documentary, and as such based their entrant upon them.
8:37
Romania can't decide if they're ballet or Burlesque
8:42
Just saw the entrant from Finland. It looks like Eminem aged twenty years and forgot how to wear a hat
8:51
Attention Portugal. No one should be that happy to play the Ukulele
Saturday Night
7:50
The Latvian entrant dances like he's worried about snipers taking potshots at him. But I suppose he's a Latvian in Russia.
7:51
Either that or he needs to poo. Or he needs to poo AND is afraid of Snipers
7:54
Serbian entrant. Blond afro, yellow jacket, piano accordion, curly shoes. I want to take the piss out of this entrant, but it already takes so much piss out of itself it should die of dehydration
8:04
The Norwegian entrant had a creepy smile. I think he was a pod person
8:13
The male half of the slovakian entrant looks like he was shagging the work experience girl twenty seconds before going on stage
8:16
It took me twenty seconds to realise Denmark was singing in English
8:25
Slovenia forgot she was meant to come out from behind the parchment and be on stage. "I don't want to go out on stage!" "Oh don't be such a baby"
8:26
Hungary. Oh Hungary, you're not fooling anyone by having three women on stage with you. P.S. Dramatic clothing change is pointless if it's done twenty seconds into the performance
8:31
Azerbaijan: Wow. That backup dancer is... quite manish. Very manish, in fact. I would say more, but she looked like she could beat the crap out of me.
8:34
Greek Entrant: "Quick! Turn up the backing singers and synthesizers! We can still hear the main singer!"
8:41
Moldovan entrant: I wasn't on your side until I saw that your backup singer was holding a stick, then you got me.
8:45
Albadian Entrant: Nikki Webster dancing with a FABULOUS gimp, and the "why so serious" backup dancers
8:53
Half naked Centurion dancers, a giant cog containing a revolving wheel containing a ladder being pole danced around by a half naked woman. It can only be the Ukrainian entrant!
9:00
I am so sorry to all your Dutch people out there. You're being represented by a whale with two turntables and a microphone
9:25
And to make the night more depressing, I just wikipedia'd one particularly striking entrant ((one half of the Azerbaijan duet) and found out she's younger then I am. Bugger.
The Eurovision finals coming up tomorrow night. Stay tuned.
Friday Night
8:17
The Armenian entrant's strategy seems to be "get six women on a bed and set it on fire, that'll win it for us."
8:22
Wow. Just saw one eurovision entrant that looked like one of the women was beaten with an ugly stick, then the second woman was beaten with the first woman.
8:25
Bulgaria's male singer has a higher voice than his female backing singers
8:27
"We've got some horrible dancers! This is bad, how can we improve them?" "Put them on stilts!"
8:30
One of Turkey's female backing singers/dancers obviously called in sick, and they had to replace her with the male dance choreographer in a bad silk shirt.
8:32
Iceland had Neil Patrick Harris' evil twin (in a bad suit) as one of the backing singers
8:33
Macedonia thought Bill and Ted was a serious documentary, and as such based their entrant upon them.
8:37
Romania can't decide if they're ballet or Burlesque
8:42
Just saw the entrant from Finland. It looks like Eminem aged twenty years and forgot how to wear a hat
8:51
Attention Portugal. No one should be that happy to play the Ukulele
Saturday Night
7:50
The Latvian entrant dances like he's worried about snipers taking potshots at him. But I suppose he's a Latvian in Russia.
7:51
Either that or he needs to poo. Or he needs to poo AND is afraid of Snipers
7:54
Serbian entrant. Blond afro, yellow jacket, piano accordion, curly shoes. I want to take the piss out of this entrant, but it already takes so much piss out of itself it should die of dehydration
8:04
The Norwegian entrant had a creepy smile. I think he was a pod person
8:13
The male half of the slovakian entrant looks like he was shagging the work experience girl twenty seconds before going on stage
8:16
It took me twenty seconds to realise Denmark was singing in English
8:25
Slovenia forgot she was meant to come out from behind the parchment and be on stage. "I don't want to go out on stage!" "Oh don't be such a baby"
8:26
Hungary. Oh Hungary, you're not fooling anyone by having three women on stage with you. P.S. Dramatic clothing change is pointless if it's done twenty seconds into the performance
8:31
Azerbaijan: Wow. That backup dancer is... quite manish. Very manish, in fact. I would say more, but she looked like she could beat the crap out of me.
8:34
Greek Entrant: "Quick! Turn up the backing singers and synthesizers! We can still hear the main singer!"
8:41
Moldovan entrant: I wasn't on your side until I saw that your backup singer was holding a stick, then you got me.
8:45
Albadian Entrant: Nikki Webster dancing with a FABULOUS gimp, and the "why so serious" backup dancers
8:53
Half naked Centurion dancers, a giant cog containing a revolving wheel containing a ladder being pole danced around by a half naked woman. It can only be the Ukrainian entrant!
9:00
I am so sorry to all your Dutch people out there. You're being represented by a whale with two turntables and a microphone
9:25
And to make the night more depressing, I just wikipedia'd one particularly striking entrant ((one half of the Azerbaijan duet) and found out she's younger then I am. Bugger.
The Eurovision finals coming up tomorrow night. Stay tuned.
Friday, May 15, 2009
200th post
Well, let's have a retrospective look at the last 199 posts on this blog, with some of my personal highlights pointed out.
I began the blog with high hopes and little conception of what I would actually focus on. 'Topics of nerdity' was my entire brief to myself. Really, I was writing more to myself then anything (I still am, since my readership on a normal day is somewhere between none and "I came here under the belief there is porn?") This can be seen in posts such as the ill-fated 'character' posts. At the time I was writing a half dozen different things (as opposed to now, when I'm only writing two), and as such making up characters for fun. Looking back, if I could I would do something different there, but I'll leave them there now for archive purposes.
For a long time I was undertaking two regular side-streets to my posts. The "100 things about me" and "Non Sequitor Story" things were an amusing idea, just not really applicable to the nerd theme. While I'm proud of the ones I made up, they didn't really fit into the blog.
Really, I think the first post where I took a tone I would adopt later, was this one.
Computer games need good writers
It's about then I started actually discussing things of interest to fellow geeks. A critique of the story involved in a computer game. From there I went past a few retrospectively embarrassing posts, but over time it slowly tilted towards something I feel fits in better with the nerdgasm theme.
Aside: Hmm, I just realised something, for a blog titled 'nerdgasm', I spend alot more time ripping on nerdy things I dislike then building up nerdy things I like. Meh, geeks are meant to be full of INDIGNANT RAAAGE.
I have to say, the start of my blog actually being what it is today came with this post.
The fifth Random Bag post.
The 102nd post is about the time this blog started actually fitting into the theme I prescribed for it. It started actually describing geeky stuff, occasionally branching out into geeky (failed) attempts at humour.
A few of my personal highlights, posts I really enjoy in retrospect:
Game Designers need marketing training: A look at how the games-industry habit of getting the designers to showcase their games can sometimes backfire. I was happy with this one, since it was a genuine criticism of the presentation of a nerdy passtime.
My first foray into criticising Blizzard: I have fond memories of this for obvious reasons.
My lack of caring about Aeris' death: The post that had me labeled as heartless by a few people I know, but it's the truth. Aeris as a character just annoyed me. Aeris, and Final Fantasy seven in general, just irritated me, and this post gives you a reason as to why.
My first criticism of Obsidian, via their game Knights of the Old Republic 2: As readers know, Obsidian is my Moriaty. Except they don't even know I exist, so maybe they're my Dagon. I dunno, whatever works. This was the start of my public hate-hate relationship with them.
I just like the metaphor I used for the current gaming era, here.
A couple of rare examples of a positive attitude in my posts
Anything else of interest is near enough the front page it should be easily found.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did: E.G. Spent twenty minutes pondering which links are worthwhile, then finished it prematurely so you could get back to playing Playstation.
Here's to another 100 at least.
I began the blog with high hopes and little conception of what I would actually focus on. 'Topics of nerdity' was my entire brief to myself. Really, I was writing more to myself then anything (I still am, since my readership on a normal day is somewhere between none and "I came here under the belief there is porn?") This can be seen in posts such as the ill-fated 'character' posts. At the time I was writing a half dozen different things (as opposed to now, when I'm only writing two), and as such making up characters for fun. Looking back, if I could I would do something different there, but I'll leave them there now for archive purposes.
For a long time I was undertaking two regular side-streets to my posts. The "100 things about me" and "Non Sequitor Story" things were an amusing idea, just not really applicable to the nerd theme. While I'm proud of the ones I made up, they didn't really fit into the blog.
Really, I think the first post where I took a tone I would adopt later, was this one.
Computer games need good writers
It's about then I started actually discussing things of interest to fellow geeks. A critique of the story involved in a computer game. From there I went past a few retrospectively embarrassing posts, but over time it slowly tilted towards something I feel fits in better with the nerdgasm theme.
Aside: Hmm, I just realised something, for a blog titled 'nerdgasm', I spend alot more time ripping on nerdy things I dislike then building up nerdy things I like. Meh, geeks are meant to be full of INDIGNANT RAAAGE.
I have to say, the start of my blog actually being what it is today came with this post.
The fifth Random Bag post.
The 102nd post is about the time this blog started actually fitting into the theme I prescribed for it. It started actually describing geeky stuff, occasionally branching out into geeky (failed) attempts at humour.
A few of my personal highlights, posts I really enjoy in retrospect:
Game Designers need marketing training: A look at how the games-industry habit of getting the designers to showcase their games can sometimes backfire. I was happy with this one, since it was a genuine criticism of the presentation of a nerdy passtime.
My first foray into criticising Blizzard: I have fond memories of this for obvious reasons.
My lack of caring about Aeris' death: The post that had me labeled as heartless by a few people I know, but it's the truth. Aeris as a character just annoyed me. Aeris, and Final Fantasy seven in general, just irritated me, and this post gives you a reason as to why.
My first criticism of Obsidian, via their game Knights of the Old Republic 2: As readers know, Obsidian is my Moriaty. Except they don't even know I exist, so maybe they're my Dagon. I dunno, whatever works. This was the start of my public hate-hate relationship with them.
I just like the metaphor I used for the current gaming era, here.
A couple of rare examples of a positive attitude in my posts
Anything else of interest is near enough the front page it should be easily found.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did: E.G. Spent twenty minutes pondering which links are worthwhile, then finished it prematurely so you could get back to playing Playstation.
Here's to another 100 at least.
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