Tuesday, October 14, 2008

If you are given millions of dollars and told to make a game...

... And to this day, I cannot say the word PewsNaper. I mean Nepspawer. I mean Papsnaper. Damnit, I can't say the word.

  • 20. I am a severely forgetful individual. I lose track of time incredibly easily, regularly sit down to do something and forget totally what it was I was meant to do when a shiney thing is visible, and generally never remember to get things done. There are two things I remember. Stories and faces. I can recall story lines to movies I haven't seen in years, and within four scenes can usually remember if I've seen a TV show, even if it hasn't been for years.

So, I recently played Neverwinter Nights 2. The gameplay's alright, and the sheer variety of characters possible excites me in ways only an RPG nerd can be excited ("Muah ha ha, who shall I play today? Ninja-like Monk? Chaotic Evil Sorcerer? Lawful Evil Blackguard? Warlock with no regard for anything but himself? Criminal swashbuckler with a heart of gold? Quiet woodland warrior?"), which are both major bonus'.

The problem, the REAL problem, is the story. I come up with dozens of characters I want to try and play, but that involves going through the story time and time again. If I didn't sympathise or like ANY of the country bumpkin morons in my country bumpkin village no one cares about (yet everyone's heard of in regards to how hardy the inhabitants are) the first time round, why the hell would I sympathise with them fifth time round? I think I'm gravitating towards evil characters just because I get to be rude to the bastards.

Oh, and story writers, FYI, if your young protagonist lives in a small village in the middle of nowhere at the start of the plot, EVERYONE KNOWS you're going to have it destroyed to make the struggle for the world more 'personal'.

No, wait, I told a lie before. The story is mediocre. It's an average tale of a grand ancient evil awakening and you alone have the power to stop it, yada yada. Not great, but passable. What the REAL problem is, is the presentation. A bad story can be excused with good presentation. This game has astonishingly bad presentation. It feels like they came up with an average plot, lengthened it out with dozens of COMPLETELY pointless 'story extenders' ("Oh, I'm sorry, before we let you to meet up with some old guy who'll be very little help, we need you to drive the criminals away from the docks, strike at their lairs in the merchant quarter, and wage war on the Orc tribes in the mountains"), badly recorded half the lines of dialogue and said "Let's call it an early day."

Yes, you read that right. They badly recorded HALF the lines. Not even the whole thing. Either do them ALL or do none. I don't care if it would take another DVD to fit them all on, all or none. Little is more jarring and interrupts the flow of the story more like half the lines being audible and the other half not. It just makes it seem like the unrecorded dialogue is OBVIOUSLY less important, and you don't need to pay attention. But, oh, wait, THIS line is recorded so it must be vital to the plot. It's practically holding up a sign saying "If you zone out here, it won't matter."

And those lines that were recorded? Part of me wonders if they had an actual machine that MADE the lines monotone. The 'hard but loving' father figure talks like he's a 60 year old man reading the weather out loud from the paper in the park, even when there rages battle around him. The Elven Wizard with the 'biting wit' couldn't deliver an insult if it was wrapped up with a stamp on it. And finally, finally, saving the worst for last. The end cutscene narrator. He had NEVER been heard before that I could recall, and was the worst possible choice. Seriously, no, just fucking no. You do NOT want to hear about how all your companions were trapped under the falling rubble never to be seen again by a guy who sounds like he should be resenting being assigned to read out the bingo scores in a church. When the monotonistic economics lecturer is the one informing you of the fate of the known world after your victory over the King of Shadows, it sort of takes the edge off your hard fought victory.

In summary: If you're telling a story, tell it PROPERLY.

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