At some point in the future, a friend and myself have decided on a night we're having out in the town. To keep track of all the things I intend to do in this night, I've decided to dedicate a blog entry to it.
1. Go to a strip club. I honestly don't expect to enjoy it, I just need to say I've been to one.
2. "Have you met Ted" someone. This is where you choose a random woman at the bar who doesn't seem to be with anyone, introduce her to a friend ("Have you met X?") and then walk away.
3. FORCE my friend to go up to an attractive woman and use the pick up line "Wow, you have exquisite boobs. Are you willing to share?"
4. End the night at a Karaoke bar.
As we come up with new things, this post will be updated. If you think of anything new, leave it in a comment, and if it passes the test it will be added to the post.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Say cheese!
... All I could think to say was "I just shat myself", to which Mr William Shatner took umbrage, but apparently it was the password, so I was allowed into the treehouse.
I have no idea where I'm going with life. Currently I have two distinct possibilities in front of me.
1. Get into Honours. This requires a class act of Blarney-stoning in which I convince the Honours convener that I was a victim of the Bellcurve and deserve to get in. Then it involves doing serious research about the nature of internet society, possibly cyber crime so that, worst comes to worst, I can get a reasonable job eventually with some cyber-protection group working for 'the man' or some crap.
The major problem is I just KNOW I'll bollocks up the research somehow. The fact of the matter is I'm genuinely not really an academic person. I can't quote anyone outside of popular culture, I have trouble remembering the theories of particular MAJOR theorists within Sociology (and everything else) despite having studied it for THREE AND A HALF YEARS.
2. Say 'bollocks to Honours' and apply for a diploma in Screenwriting. I've been doing research into the AFTRS Diploma in screenwriting, and already put stage 1 of a 3-stage application in. I do want to try and get into Screenwriting, even if I'm stuck in a boring drama series or something.
A problem with this is as the Diploma is part time, I won't qualify for Vet-Affairs support, so I'll have to (shock horror) get a job. Probably the main problem, however, is that I just KNOW it'll be full of arty wanky people.
"And what does this fight scene between the two protagonists say? Does it imply the inherent instability of relationships within civilised society?"
"Well, no, more just they think the other is a Russian spy."
Sometimes a cool fight scene between a cybernetically enhanced Ninja and a magical Samurai is just a fucking cool fight scene, and not an allegory for the inherent opposition within society between rationality and mysticism.
In the end I'll probably apply for both, and to be perfectly honest take the Screenwriting diploma if they accept me (which I'll find out before the Honours thing)
Ideally though, the comic I'm currently trying to write at the moment (80% through the 'overall' part of the proposal, with 10,000 words down, and finished the script for a first issue at 5,000 words. I plan on writing scripts for issue 2 and 3 to give them an idea of where it will go after the overall series introduction) will be sold to Dark Horse, they'll give me wads of cash I can use to buy a Stormtrooper suit, exercise equipment, masses of alcohol, and potentially a hooker or two (cocaine not included, unfortunately). And maybe if there's some left over I'll do things like 'plan for the future'.
P.S. On an unrelated note: http://www.philosophersnet.com/games Go, play, be merry. My pseudo belief in the Force actually did pretty well in the God-battleground. Second highest honour. Only trouble it had was one of semantics, in which it thought the inherently man-made nature of the force could condemn a serial rapist.
I have no idea where I'm going with life. Currently I have two distinct possibilities in front of me.
1. Get into Honours. This requires a class act of Blarney-stoning in which I convince the Honours convener that I was a victim of the Bellcurve and deserve to get in. Then it involves doing serious research about the nature of internet society, possibly cyber crime so that, worst comes to worst, I can get a reasonable job eventually with some cyber-protection group working for 'the man' or some crap.
The major problem is I just KNOW I'll bollocks up the research somehow. The fact of the matter is I'm genuinely not really an academic person. I can't quote anyone outside of popular culture, I have trouble remembering the theories of particular MAJOR theorists within Sociology (and everything else) despite having studied it for THREE AND A HALF YEARS.
2. Say 'bollocks to Honours' and apply for a diploma in Screenwriting. I've been doing research into the AFTRS Diploma in screenwriting, and already put stage 1 of a 3-stage application in. I do want to try and get into Screenwriting, even if I'm stuck in a boring drama series or something.
A problem with this is as the Diploma is part time, I won't qualify for Vet-Affairs support, so I'll have to (shock horror) get a job. Probably the main problem, however, is that I just KNOW it'll be full of arty wanky people.
"And what does this fight scene between the two protagonists say? Does it imply the inherent instability of relationships within civilised society?"
"Well, no, more just they think the other is a Russian spy."
Sometimes a cool fight scene between a cybernetically enhanced Ninja and a magical Samurai is just a fucking cool fight scene, and not an allegory for the inherent opposition within society between rationality and mysticism.
In the end I'll probably apply for both, and to be perfectly honest take the Screenwriting diploma if they accept me (which I'll find out before the Honours thing)
Ideally though, the comic I'm currently trying to write at the moment (80% through the 'overall' part of the proposal, with 10,000 words down, and finished the script for a first issue at 5,000 words. I plan on writing scripts for issue 2 and 3 to give them an idea of where it will go after the overall series introduction) will be sold to Dark Horse, they'll give me wads of cash I can use to buy a Stormtrooper suit, exercise equipment, masses of alcohol, and potentially a hooker or two (cocaine not included, unfortunately). And maybe if there's some left over I'll do things like 'plan for the future'.
P.S. On an unrelated note: http://www.philosophersnet.com/games Go, play, be merry. My pseudo belief in the Force actually did pretty well in the God-battleground. Second highest honour. Only trouble it had was one of semantics, in which it thought the inherently man-made nature of the force could condemn a serial rapist.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Sue. Mary Sue.
... And that's why answering a cop asking you "What do you think you're doing there, mate?" with "Well I THINK I'm urinating behind a tree, if I'm doing something else please let me know, because it means I'm hallucinating" is a bad idea.
Today I'm going to descuss the greatest bane of writing everywhere, and something all writers must be cautious of, especially if they like one character a bit more then others.
Mary Suism.
Mary Suism derives from a classic parody piece of fan fiction created about Star Trek by a Star Trek fan who'd grown absolutely sick of the fan-fiction pieces where the author inserted themselves into the story. A Mary Sue character is one who:
- Resembles the author (often having a VERY similar name)
- Is usually very young (since often the Mary Sue writers are very young)
- Among the most brilliant/talented in their field in the world
- The love interest of one or more of the other characters
- Practically worshipped by everyone else, with the only people who may possibly not like them are A) main characters who soon realise how great they are, or B) villains who hate them just to show how villainous they are.
In my current fumbling attempts at writing a comic script and planning out what would be in the future (writing something for the first time is like trying to take a bra off for the first time. Awkward, slow, takes too long, and you have a hard time getting the clasp off), I decided one of the characters should be an adaptation of a character I've used before and quite enjoyed. The difficulty there is that my previously established enjoyment of the character could lead to a Pseudo-Sueism, with him (while he doesn't resemble me, for starters he's physically fit) becoming the ultimate at everything. The other problem this can cause is over-compensation, reducing an effective character to the whipping post of the story because you're so afraid of making him 'too good'.
So, I've told you the main problems with the fear of writing a Mary Sue character (overpowered wankery vs under-capable uselessness), now, for my highly considered, in depth proposal on how to avoid that problem?
Shut up, sit down, write what you want to write and enjoy it yourself. And remember, no one will know that character is meant to be you fulfilling all your fantasies if you change the name.
"Well my dear Aayla Secura, let me, Stefan, show you how strong with the force... I am... *Bom chicka chicka chicka bom bom*"
Today I'm going to descuss the greatest bane of writing everywhere, and something all writers must be cautious of, especially if they like one character a bit more then others.
Mary Suism.
Mary Suism derives from a classic parody piece of fan fiction created about Star Trek by a Star Trek fan who'd grown absolutely sick of the fan-fiction pieces where the author inserted themselves into the story. A Mary Sue character is one who:
- Resembles the author (often having a VERY similar name)
- Is usually very young (since often the Mary Sue writers are very young)
- Among the most brilliant/talented in their field in the world
- The love interest of one or more of the other characters
- Practically worshipped by everyone else, with the only people who may possibly not like them are A) main characters who soon realise how great they are, or B) villains who hate them just to show how villainous they are.
In my current fumbling attempts at writing a comic script and planning out what would be in the future (writing something for the first time is like trying to take a bra off for the first time. Awkward, slow, takes too long, and you have a hard time getting the clasp off), I decided one of the characters should be an adaptation of a character I've used before and quite enjoyed. The difficulty there is that my previously established enjoyment of the character could lead to a Pseudo-Sueism, with him (while he doesn't resemble me, for starters he's physically fit) becoming the ultimate at everything. The other problem this can cause is over-compensation, reducing an effective character to the whipping post of the story because you're so afraid of making him 'too good'.
So, I've told you the main problems with the fear of writing a Mary Sue character (overpowered wankery vs under-capable uselessness), now, for my highly considered, in depth proposal on how to avoid that problem?
Shut up, sit down, write what you want to write and enjoy it yourself. And remember, no one will know that character is meant to be you fulfilling all your fantasies if you change the name.
"Well my dear Aayla Secura, let me, Stefan, show you how strong with the force... I am... *Bom chicka chicka chicka bom bom*"
Friday, August 22, 2008
Filler
... Anyway the moral of the story is never, EVER say what I just said to a pregnant woman, especially when her ex-convict brother is in the room.
I'm bored and thought this up while still half asleep. It goes out to Anson, Carlos, Anna, and the Flight of the Conchords.
For anyone curious as to the song this is responding to, youtube "Flight of the Conchords Episode Hip hop" and it should be there.
Steve!?
Steve...?
Steve....
Wait, you serious?
What an imperious
Nefarious
Meritless
Villainous
Pretender to the crown.
He spread no rumours, you delirious?
You've got nothing to fear-at-last.
Unlike my main man Tiberious
You hearin' us?
Livin' in fear'in of conspiratous
The Armies of Rome didn't kill Julius
It was the dog Bruticus and those Republication
It's THOSE you should get the hate on
You look like you need information
Before you make your own deliberation
Here read this publication
It lists all denominations-
that deserve descrimination
Within this and other fine nations
You listen to the 'right' station?
The DJ writes in crayon
And goes on an'on
'Bout nothin'.
Like me.
I'm bored and thought this up while still half asleep. It goes out to Anson, Carlos, Anna, and the Flight of the Conchords.
For anyone curious as to the song this is responding to, youtube "Flight of the Conchords Episode Hip hop" and it should be there.
Steve!?
Steve...?
Steve....
Wait, you serious?
What an imperious
Nefarious
Meritless
Villainous
Pretender to the crown.
He spread no rumours, you delirious?
You've got nothing to fear-at-last.
Unlike my main man Tiberious
You hearin' us?
Livin' in fear'in of conspiratous
The Armies of Rome didn't kill Julius
It was the dog Bruticus and those Republication
It's THOSE you should get the hate on
You look like you need information
Before you make your own deliberation
Here read this publication
It lists all denominations-
that deserve descrimination
Within this and other fine nations
You listen to the 'right' station?
The DJ writes in crayon
And goes on an'on
'Bout nothin'.
Like me.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Comic book writer?
.. So anyway, moral of the story is that head really ISN'T as fun when she has a mouthful of beer. Next week I'll try it with tequilla.
Just a short post today of actual real-life stuff. Sorry, all two of my readers (there are literally TWO of you. I installed google analytic a day ago. Two readers)
I want to be a writer. Basically I can't really imagine myself enjoying ANY other job. Perhaps professional alcohol taster, but I'd always want to swallow (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. Shut up, juvenile Steve), which would ruin my health.
I'm halfway through draft 2 of my screenplay, and completely stalled. So a friend recommended I try writing it as a comic book. Hey, why not! Sounds like a good idea. Thing is, I know from trying to write screenplays that the first one is always shit. So, I used the story I've got in mind for my RP campaign and I'm writing it as a comic book script.
God damnit this is fun.
You have no idea
I get to just DIVE in to this fantasy world, and drag readers along with it. I don't know why, this just feels so... fun!
So far I've killed five superheroes. Here's a taste.
Panel 2: Page width panel showing Magic Bullet once more set up to fire, the ruins of the explosion that occurred behind him still there. His sniper rifle is firing at something off panel.
MAGIC BULLET:
Bang.
Panel 3: Return to the previous view from the News helicopter above. Now the view shows Bladesman’s sword cutting through some exposed wires on Onager’s back, but Blinker suddenly drops, a splash of blood visible coming out of one side of her head.
REPORTER (OP)
B- Blinker is down! I repeat, Blinker is down! O- Oh my god, Blinker is down!
PAGE TWELVE (Six panels)
Panel 1: Relatively close up view of Bladesman, shock on his face.
BLADESMAN
NO! Jenn!
Panel 2: Bladesman landing next to Blinker’s still body.
Panel 3: View from behind of Bladesman crouching down, cradling Blinker’s still body to his chest.
Panel 4: Same view as Panel 3, but now with a large looming shadow blocking a lot of the light to them.
Panel 5: View from the front of Bladesman holding Blinker close, tears in his eyes. Behind him Onager holds his right arm up, the railgun in his armoured suit aimed at Bladesman’s back.
ONAGER
It’ll be quick.
Panel 6: Close up shot of Onager’s arm firing.
Just a short post today of actual real-life stuff. Sorry, all two of my readers (there are literally TWO of you. I installed google analytic a day ago. Two readers)
I want to be a writer. Basically I can't really imagine myself enjoying ANY other job. Perhaps professional alcohol taster, but I'd always want to swallow (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. Shut up, juvenile Steve), which would ruin my health.
I'm halfway through draft 2 of my screenplay, and completely stalled. So a friend recommended I try writing it as a comic book. Hey, why not! Sounds like a good idea. Thing is, I know from trying to write screenplays that the first one is always shit. So, I used the story I've got in mind for my RP campaign and I'm writing it as a comic book script.
God damnit this is fun.
You have no idea
I get to just DIVE in to this fantasy world, and drag readers along with it. I don't know why, this just feels so... fun!
So far I've killed five superheroes. Here's a taste.
Panel 2: Page width panel showing Magic Bullet once more set up to fire, the ruins of the explosion that occurred behind him still there. His sniper rifle is firing at something off panel.
MAGIC BULLET:
Bang.
Panel 3: Return to the previous view from the News helicopter above. Now the view shows Bladesman’s sword cutting through some exposed wires on Onager’s back, but Blinker suddenly drops, a splash of blood visible coming out of one side of her head.
REPORTER (OP)
B- Blinker is down! I repeat, Blinker is down! O- Oh my god, Blinker is down!
PAGE TWELVE (Six panels)
Panel 1: Relatively close up view of Bladesman, shock on his face.
BLADESMAN
NO! Jenn!
Panel 2: Bladesman landing next to Blinker’s still body.
Panel 3: View from behind of Bladesman crouching down, cradling Blinker’s still body to his chest.
Panel 4: Same view as Panel 3, but now with a large looming shadow blocking a lot of the light to them.
Panel 5: View from the front of Bladesman holding Blinker close, tears in his eyes. Behind him Onager holds his right arm up, the railgun in his armoured suit aimed at Bladesman’s back.
ONAGER
It’ll be quick.
Panel 6: Close up shot of Onager’s arm firing.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Am I not geeky enough?
So out of the bathroom charges the drunken man I'd ASSUMED to be the boyfriend, toga completely askew, both reddened nipples showing, waving around a baton slurring "Shtop in the name of the lawsh!" Which particular plural of laws he was refering to, was a question I asked myself as I fled as fast as my clown shoes allowed.
I read through some of my previous posts, and while they're geeky nothing jumps out to me as being geekier then socially acceptable (except posting up character concept stuff). So, in order to rectify this I am going to be so meta-social-analysis you will either become hard (if you're a lady)/moist (if you're a man)* or you will hunt me down and stab me with a brick, just to teach me a lesson.
Yes friends, today I am being... Retro geek. And not in the cool "ha ha, I have a T-shirt with original Doom sprites on it" way, but in the "not yet old enough to be retro" way.
I am going to talk, non-ironically, about Pirates and Ninjas.
When discussing the Pirate V Ninja conflict, there are a couple of assumptions one has to make.
1. We are talking about the fantasy conceptions of these characters. The Ninja is a master of the oriental arts of flipping out and killing things, who can hide in a white room with nothing in it, all the while being a mammal. The Pirate is a swashbuckler who swings from ropes and lands exactly where needed, can outfight a dozen swordsmen all the while making love to the governors daughter and sailing his ship away, despite his ship and his port being on opposite sides of the town.
2. BOTH are the fantasy conceptions. Saying the fantasy Ninja can outfit a bunch of deck rats is pointless, and of course the mystical Swashbuckler can outfit peasents who's greatest ability is hiding among other peasents.
3. Both know the other is there, and it's a purely hand to hand combat battle. The Ninja's traditional strength is stealth and sneaky assassination, I know, but were he to do that to the Pirate, it'd be over before you can say "Watch out, a Mammal's coming!" Also, the pirate's main advantage over a Ninja would be their ship filled with GIANT CANNONS. Even a Ninja would struggle to survive a cannon ball to the hull of the rowboat they're going out to the ship on. So, for the sake of fairness, it's a reasonably even fight.
4. It's not a plain battlefield. Pirates are masters of dirty fighting, and anyone who's seen a hong-kong martial arts action movie knows that it's not martial arts unless they're using the environment to fight. So, we'll have them fight on the deck of an abandoned ship, so they both have stuff to play with.
5. Hitting below the belt IS allowed.
Ok, so, who would win?
Obviously the the winner is the internet nerds having a great time debating the eventual outcome, until some wanker comes along and says something stupid believing he's funny. For the record, the following statements count as 'wanker fodder'.
"The Robot I send in wins, obviously"
"McGuyver"
"Chuck Norris kicks both their arses"
"hay guys check this link LOL I ROLLRICK'D YOU!"
"Wolverine kicks both their arses"
"I'm the Goddamned Batman!"
* Yes, that was deliberate. HA HA. Pseudo humour.
I read through some of my previous posts, and while they're geeky nothing jumps out to me as being geekier then socially acceptable (except posting up character concept stuff). So, in order to rectify this I am going to be so meta-social-analysis you will either become hard (if you're a lady)/moist (if you're a man)* or you will hunt me down and stab me with a brick, just to teach me a lesson.
Yes friends, today I am being... Retro geek. And not in the cool "ha ha, I have a T-shirt with original Doom sprites on it" way, but in the "not yet old enough to be retro" way.
I am going to talk, non-ironically, about Pirates and Ninjas.
When discussing the Pirate V Ninja conflict, there are a couple of assumptions one has to make.
1. We are talking about the fantasy conceptions of these characters. The Ninja is a master of the oriental arts of flipping out and killing things, who can hide in a white room with nothing in it, all the while being a mammal. The Pirate is a swashbuckler who swings from ropes and lands exactly where needed, can outfight a dozen swordsmen all the while making love to the governors daughter and sailing his ship away, despite his ship and his port being on opposite sides of the town.
2. BOTH are the fantasy conceptions. Saying the fantasy Ninja can outfit a bunch of deck rats is pointless, and of course the mystical Swashbuckler can outfit peasents who's greatest ability is hiding among other peasents.
3. Both know the other is there, and it's a purely hand to hand combat battle. The Ninja's traditional strength is stealth and sneaky assassination, I know, but were he to do that to the Pirate, it'd be over before you can say "Watch out, a Mammal's coming!" Also, the pirate's main advantage over a Ninja would be their ship filled with GIANT CANNONS. Even a Ninja would struggle to survive a cannon ball to the hull of the rowboat they're going out to the ship on. So, for the sake of fairness, it's a reasonably even fight.
4. It's not a plain battlefield. Pirates are masters of dirty fighting, and anyone who's seen a hong-kong martial arts action movie knows that it's not martial arts unless they're using the environment to fight. So, we'll have them fight on the deck of an abandoned ship, so they both have stuff to play with.
5. Hitting below the belt IS allowed.
Ok, so, who would win?
Obviously the the winner is the internet nerds having a great time debating the eventual outcome, until some wanker comes along and says something stupid believing he's funny. For the record, the following statements count as 'wanker fodder'.
"The Robot I send in wins, obviously"
"McGuyver"
"Chuck Norris kicks both their arses"
"hay guys check this link LOL I ROLLRICK'D YOU!"
"Wolverine kicks both their arses"
"I'm the Goddamned Batman!"
* Yes, that was deliberate. HA HA. Pseudo humour.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Credibility
So there I was, holding the bloody spatula having NO idea what this French chef was shouting at me - as I've said, I don't speak French - wondering if I should ring OOO.
Ok, time for the actual post.
Recently I bought a book. Don't get excited, it's not a credible book, it's "The ultimate book of Useless information". Basically 'A thousand and one bits of pointless trivia'. I was having an amusing time reading through it, having a chuckle at the odd and bizarre information housed in it's times-new-roman font ("Huh, Queen Victoria refused to believe in the existence of lesbianism, and scratched out all reference to sex between women in the anti homosexualityu bill before she signed it. Apparently that's why female homosexuality was never prosecuted in Britain"), and generally having a moderately enjoyable read.
Until I read the following: "Scientists do not know why duck quacks do not echo."
Bog off. Thank you very much "The ultimate book of Useless information", you just ruined my read. By quoting that myth commonly known to be false, you just ruined all credibility you had. Now I'm doubting EVERYTHING you wrote (even more so then I normally do for these 'gathering of trivia' books). Maybe Queen Victoria removed all reference to lesbianism in that bill because she liked a bit of a downstairs tickle from the lady-friends? Maybe they WEREN'T originaly going to name Charlies Angels 'The Alley Cats'?
How could you do this to me TUBOUI!?
All because you wanted to fill three lines by claiming "Duck Quacks do not echo"!!?
Get out. Just get out of my house. I'll send you your stuff later, just go.
I think we need to see others. I'm sure you can find someone willing to read you... you whore. But I'm a discriminating reader, where am I meant to find things of interest I want to read?
Leave now, whore. I'm going to read some Dr Karl.
http://www.snopes.com/critters/wild/duckecho.asp
Ok, time for the actual post.
Recently I bought a book. Don't get excited, it's not a credible book, it's "The ultimate book of Useless information". Basically 'A thousand and one bits of pointless trivia'. I was having an amusing time reading through it, having a chuckle at the odd and bizarre information housed in it's times-new-roman font ("Huh, Queen Victoria refused to believe in the existence of lesbianism, and scratched out all reference to sex between women in the anti homosexualityu bill before she signed it. Apparently that's why female homosexuality was never prosecuted in Britain"), and generally having a moderately enjoyable read.
Until I read the following: "Scientists do not know why duck quacks do not echo."
Bog off. Thank you very much "The ultimate book of Useless information", you just ruined my read. By quoting that myth commonly known to be false, you just ruined all credibility you had. Now I'm doubting EVERYTHING you wrote (even more so then I normally do for these 'gathering of trivia' books). Maybe Queen Victoria removed all reference to lesbianism in that bill because she liked a bit of a downstairs tickle from the lady-friends? Maybe they WEREN'T originaly going to name Charlies Angels 'The Alley Cats'?
How could you do this to me TUBOUI!?
All because you wanted to fill three lines by claiming "Duck Quacks do not echo"!!?
Get out. Just get out of my house. I'll send you your stuff later, just go.
I think we need to see others. I'm sure you can find someone willing to read you... you whore. But I'm a discriminating reader, where am I meant to find things of interest I want to read?
Leave now, whore. I'm going to read some Dr Karl.
http://www.snopes.com/critters/wild/duckecho.asp
Monday, August 11, 2008
Ikea is evil
Ikea is the grand evil of the modern age.
It is the breeding ground of middle class wank, a world in which it is believed that it is not only acceptable to stand around discussing the benefits of the 'Billy' wall unit/bookcase in comparison to the multitude of other possible styles, but it is ENCOURAGED.
I had to walk around Ikea today, staring at row upon row of useless, pointless pieces of wood arranged in such a way that it supposedly looks elegant and classy. Just a word of notice, YOU DO NOT GET ELEGANCE AND CLASSY FROM IKEA. It is mass manufactured nonsense you put together yourself!
The Alan key is the greatest torture the world has devised since meeting someone who thinks every appliance with a clock in it must be programmed for the exact some time. "You know what would be a GREAT idea. Selling chunks of wood people have to put together themselves to make flimsy pieces of furniture. And they'll do it with a tiny piece of metal that slips constantly!"
When walking through Ikea, I saw an arc-shaped 'thing' holder with the middle of the arch being hollow. At first I thought it was pretty stupid, since the only people who could comfortably reach the top would be so tall they'd bump their head doing anything under it, but I figured "well, it gives people a chance to put stuff in the middle of the arch, like maybe a TV stand or something."
To: Me@Optimistic.brain
From: Me@Realworld.brain
Subject: WRONG
Incorrect!
It was DOUBLE SIDED. If you wanted to get your moneys worth, you had to put it IN THE MIDDLE of the room, so you could access both sides. What the bloody hell!? What sort of middle class "ha ha, this'll put me ahead of the Jonses" idiot decides a piece of furniture that acts as a mini-door that has to be put in the MIDDLE of the room to be useful, is a good idea!
And then I saw the Shoe holder. It was seriously just a metal grill you put in your wardrobe so your shoes weren't on the ground. Oh no, they were now TEN INCHES above the ground. Never shall your precious shoes be sullied by touching the ground again! (except when you need to walk). It looked like someone had shrunk down two bike racks and superglued them together.
Oh, and the next big thing! Listen carefully boys and girls, since this is the important one. The next big thing in furniture is... No handles.
You heard me. There are no more handles on chest of drawers or anything that opens. Now the wood that acts as the door has an awkward incline along the unhinged edge, so you need to dig your fingers in awkwardly and pull to open them. Call me crazy, a bit wild, a maverick if you will, but I for one LIKE handles. They're simple. "Grip and pull". But apparently that's an extra piece of wood we don't need (it's probably recycled into those bloody tiny pencils they sell), so it's gone the way of dignity: TOTALLY UNNEEDED IN IKEA.
Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.
Avoid Ikea. Retain dignity.
It is the breeding ground of middle class wank, a world in which it is believed that it is not only acceptable to stand around discussing the benefits of the 'Billy' wall unit/bookcase in comparison to the multitude of other possible styles, but it is ENCOURAGED.
I had to walk around Ikea today, staring at row upon row of useless, pointless pieces of wood arranged in such a way that it supposedly looks elegant and classy. Just a word of notice, YOU DO NOT GET ELEGANCE AND CLASSY FROM IKEA. It is mass manufactured nonsense you put together yourself!
The Alan key is the greatest torture the world has devised since meeting someone who thinks every appliance with a clock in it must be programmed for the exact some time. "You know what would be a GREAT idea. Selling chunks of wood people have to put together themselves to make flimsy pieces of furniture. And they'll do it with a tiny piece of metal that slips constantly!"
When walking through Ikea, I saw an arc-shaped 'thing' holder with the middle of the arch being hollow. At first I thought it was pretty stupid, since the only people who could comfortably reach the top would be so tall they'd bump their head doing anything under it, but I figured "well, it gives people a chance to put stuff in the middle of the arch, like maybe a TV stand or something."
To: Me@Optimistic.brain
From: Me@Realworld.brain
Subject: WRONG
Incorrect!
It was DOUBLE SIDED. If you wanted to get your moneys worth, you had to put it IN THE MIDDLE of the room, so you could access both sides. What the bloody hell!? What sort of middle class "ha ha, this'll put me ahead of the Jonses" idiot decides a piece of furniture that acts as a mini-door that has to be put in the MIDDLE of the room to be useful, is a good idea!
And then I saw the Shoe holder. It was seriously just a metal grill you put in your wardrobe so your shoes weren't on the ground. Oh no, they were now TEN INCHES above the ground. Never shall your precious shoes be sullied by touching the ground again! (except when you need to walk). It looked like someone had shrunk down two bike racks and superglued them together.
Oh, and the next big thing! Listen carefully boys and girls, since this is the important one. The next big thing in furniture is... No handles.
You heard me. There are no more handles on chest of drawers or anything that opens. Now the wood that acts as the door has an awkward incline along the unhinged edge, so you need to dig your fingers in awkwardly and pull to open them. Call me crazy, a bit wild, a maverick if you will, but I for one LIKE handles. They're simple. "Grip and pull". But apparently that's an extra piece of wood we don't need (it's probably recycled into those bloody tiny pencils they sell), so it's gone the way of dignity: TOTALLY UNNEEDED IN IKEA.
Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.
Avoid Ikea. Retain dignity.
Friday, August 8, 2008
New character time!
... So that night is the reason I've always had my mobile phone number embroided into my underpants.
Since I don't have a witty topic prepared, today I'll just do two things:
1. Go read www.pixcapacitor.com. It's done by a good mate of mine, who created the NSS.
2. Time for a new character thing!
Goeleb
History: Born to a wealthy, nurturing family in France, Andre Goeleb was the toast of his upper class group of Friends. Regular trips to various European countries locations of significance when he was young made him realise two things. One, that there was such nobility found in the great men and women of past times, such nobility that no longer seemed to exist. And two, that he felt empty. There was no great war, no great cause of his time that he could stand up and be proud of participating in. This emptiness consumed him, right up until his twenty second year of life, when superpowers suddenly appeared in the world. Andre Goeleb was one of the 'lucky' ones. He found himself with superhuman strength and endurance, able to take a bullet to the chest and not drop. Once when learning the extent of his powers he was even accidently impaled on a three foot long metal spike, to which he responded by climbing off it, looking down at the wound, and being amazed as he watched it close straight up in front of him. He knew his life would never be the same, the world was changing, there were causes to believe in, life changing events were happening!
Unfortunately for the world, he met 'The Lord'. An ancient, near immortal man, the charismatic Lord was easily able to persuade Andre to join his side, talking about how under the reign of himself, the world would be improved for the better. Andre was easily seduced to the cause by talk of being seen as the first lieutenant of the new world order.
Personality/Motivation: Goeleb is fanatically loyal to his master, at times seeming more like a barely chained attack dog then a leader of men. Despite that he maintains his upper crust attitude to life and other people, making snap judgements about the worth of others and mostly refusing to deviate from those judgements, unless something spectacular happens.
His near invulnerability means he is a genuine leader among the Lords soldiers, more then happy to charge headfirst into the fray, leading the way for the rest of the troops. They follow his powerful example, often not even considering that this battle is alot less likely to be fatal for him, then it is for them.
As a sign of his devotion to his master, he scars himself every morning, a factor not many people understand, but then, he isn't someone easily understood at all.
Powers/Abilities: A powerful healing factor and diamond hard skin coupled with strength enough to casually lift a sports car aloft without winding himself, means that Andre is one of the most feared direct combatants a person can face. Highly intelligent and tactically minded translates into a mind that can work its way around problems he would have trouble facing in single combat. Perhaps his only weakness is the ease in which he was brainwashed by the Lord, possibly indicating that his mind, while intelligent, isn't the best at protecting itself.
Appearance: A six foot tall tall, athletically muscular man, usually dressed in either a formal suit or his battle uniform. A single thin scar runs down his face over his eye, in many ways improving his looks. His face usually holds a polite smile in most situations. The only thing that seems to remove it is anger at troops who have failed his master, or pure rage at people who've insulted his master.
Since I don't have a witty topic prepared, today I'll just do two things:
1. Go read www.pixcapacitor.com. It's done by a good mate of mine, who created the NSS.
2. Time for a new character thing!
Goeleb
History: Born to a wealthy, nurturing family in France, Andre Goeleb was the toast of his upper class group of Friends. Regular trips to various European countries locations of significance when he was young made him realise two things. One, that there was such nobility found in the great men and women of past times, such nobility that no longer seemed to exist. And two, that he felt empty. There was no great war, no great cause of his time that he could stand up and be proud of participating in. This emptiness consumed him, right up until his twenty second year of life, when superpowers suddenly appeared in the world. Andre Goeleb was one of the 'lucky' ones. He found himself with superhuman strength and endurance, able to take a bullet to the chest and not drop. Once when learning the extent of his powers he was even accidently impaled on a three foot long metal spike, to which he responded by climbing off it, looking down at the wound, and being amazed as he watched it close straight up in front of him. He knew his life would never be the same, the world was changing, there were causes to believe in, life changing events were happening!
Unfortunately for the world, he met 'The Lord'. An ancient, near immortal man, the charismatic Lord was easily able to persuade Andre to join his side, talking about how under the reign of himself, the world would be improved for the better. Andre was easily seduced to the cause by talk of being seen as the first lieutenant of the new world order.
Personality/Motivation: Goeleb is fanatically loyal to his master, at times seeming more like a barely chained attack dog then a leader of men. Despite that he maintains his upper crust attitude to life and other people, making snap judgements about the worth of others and mostly refusing to deviate from those judgements, unless something spectacular happens.
His near invulnerability means he is a genuine leader among the Lords soldiers, more then happy to charge headfirst into the fray, leading the way for the rest of the troops. They follow his powerful example, often not even considering that this battle is alot less likely to be fatal for him, then it is for them.
As a sign of his devotion to his master, he scars himself every morning, a factor not many people understand, but then, he isn't someone easily understood at all.
Powers/Abilities: A powerful healing factor and diamond hard skin coupled with strength enough to casually lift a sports car aloft without winding himself, means that Andre is one of the most feared direct combatants a person can face. Highly intelligent and tactically minded translates into a mind that can work its way around problems he would have trouble facing in single combat. Perhaps his only weakness is the ease in which he was brainwashed by the Lord, possibly indicating that his mind, while intelligent, isn't the best at protecting itself.
Appearance: A six foot tall tall, athletically muscular man, usually dressed in either a formal suit or his battle uniform. A single thin scar runs down his face over his eye, in many ways improving his looks. His face usually holds a polite smile in most situations. The only thing that seems to remove it is anger at troops who have failed his master, or pure rage at people who've insulted his master.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
So there I was
In honour of my mate Carlos leaving, I shall now make it a habit to put up nonsequitor story points on the blog.
What's an NSS? It is for when someone new joins a conversation, just for you to say out of nowhere to make him think he's missed part of the most awesome story ever. And so, here are some examples.
1. ... So there I was, around the middle of the line of people, starring off at the penguin tank in the distance, with somone else's pants around my ankles...
2. ... And then this absolutely ENORMOUS guy, nearly seven feet tall, more muscle then organs, walks up and asks me to dance....
3. ... And to this day I have no idea what happened to my hose, or why he thought a watermellon was a suitable "I'm sorry for what I did" gift.
Edit: Additional:
4. ... So there I was, clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, and I was stuck in the middle with this guy.
5. And I look up from pulling up my pants, and there's this little old asian lady grinning at me. And to this day I don't know if she was laughing at me, or laughing with me.
6. ... So what else could I do with him looming over me? I congratulated him on an excellent Optimus Prime costume and left.
What's an NSS? It is for when someone new joins a conversation, just for you to say out of nowhere to make him think he's missed part of the most awesome story ever. And so, here are some examples.
1. ... So there I was, around the middle of the line of people, starring off at the penguin tank in the distance, with somone else's pants around my ankles...
2. ... And then this absolutely ENORMOUS guy, nearly seven feet tall, more muscle then organs, walks up and asks me to dance....
3. ... And to this day I have no idea what happened to my hose, or why he thought a watermellon was a suitable "I'm sorry for what I did" gift.
Edit: Additional:
4. ... So there I was, clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, and I was stuck in the middle with this guy.
5. And I look up from pulling up my pants, and there's this little old asian lady grinning at me. And to this day I don't know if she was laughing at me, or laughing with me.
6. ... So what else could I do with him looming over me? I congratulated him on an excellent Optimus Prime costume and left.
Quick post
Already this blog is starting to die! Oh the shame of it.
Anyway, just a short post today, I have to shoo an awesome guy out of my country today. Heading off in 15 to meet up with him at a station, then go with him to the airport. I may have to be a bastion of strength today for people quite upset at him leaving.
That's a bonus to being such an internet junkie. I know I can still keep in contact with him, even if he isn't there in the flesh.
How awesome is this guy? I once told a story about lesbiens that ended in me having to buy him TWO drinks. He nearly earned a third, but fell just short. If he'd gotten the head the lesbien was talking about, it would have definately been three drinks.
Anyway, just a short post today, I have to shoo an awesome guy out of my country today. Heading off in 15 to meet up with him at a station, then go with him to the airport. I may have to be a bastion of strength today for people quite upset at him leaving.
That's a bonus to being such an internet junkie. I know I can still keep in contact with him, even if he isn't there in the flesh.
How awesome is this guy? I once told a story about lesbiens that ended in me having to buy him TWO drinks. He nearly earned a third, but fell just short. If he'd gotten the head the lesbien was talking about, it would have definately been three drinks.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Update on me and part 3
First off, AWESOME week away. I have decided my new dream life involves a spa somehow.
I'll have a bigger update in a day or two, including my reason I'm a good week and a half late on this post.
And now:
Part 3: The Corruption
True horror always involves in some way the corruption of what we all already know. Most is a simple "Oh my god, this normal person has turned out to be a funked up psychopath!", but the better horror usually takes it further. Look at Steven King, ALL of his books, in some manner, involve the corruption of something normal. The Birds, an obvious example, is where a common visitor to human cities and homes suddenly starts acting completely out of fashion, corrupted from a normal part of life, to a horrific foe.
And of course, the classic example of the corruption used in fear is the Zombie. People, some of whom you know, suddenly turning into monsters who cannot be reasoned with, corrupted from their trusted positions within society to becoming nothing but bloodthirsty, flesh eating creatures. Who can say they'd be ok with having to put a bullet in the brain of their best friend or lover?
There'd be more, but I'm currently being even nerdier then normal.
I'll have a bigger update in a day or two, including my reason I'm a good week and a half late on this post.
And now:
Part 3: The Corruption
True horror always involves in some way the corruption of what we all already know. Most is a simple "Oh my god, this normal person has turned out to be a funked up psychopath!", but the better horror usually takes it further. Look at Steven King, ALL of his books, in some manner, involve the corruption of something normal. The Birds, an obvious example, is where a common visitor to human cities and homes suddenly starts acting completely out of fashion, corrupted from a normal part of life, to a horrific foe.
And of course, the classic example of the corruption used in fear is the Zombie. People, some of whom you know, suddenly turning into monsters who cannot be reasoned with, corrupted from their trusted positions within society to becoming nothing but bloodthirsty, flesh eating creatures. Who can say they'd be ok with having to put a bullet in the brain of their best friend or lover?
There'd be more, but I'm currently being even nerdier then normal.
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