The Dreaded Bag of Random

Posts shall be sporadic at best over the next week. Monday to Thursday, I'm working 8 until 5-6. Thursday to monday, I'm relaxing near a beach with excessive alcohol in my system. It's a hard life I've got.

1.

Every now and then I read through random news, and I came across this. This is goddamned awesome. Only question I can ask myself is "Were I trying into that town, would I stop, turn around and flee?"

The answer is yes. Yes I would.

2. http://lab.drwicked.com/writeordie.html

Absolutely awesome site. I'm already making use of it. It forces you to write, something I have a hard time disciplining myself to do (although apparently if I'm writing useless stuff, I can do it pretty well. You know those recent posts talking about where Final Fantasy 7 failed and Knights of the Old Republic was painful? Both over 1.5K words each.

Oh, and if you want to know what the "horrible sound" it promises should you violate the extreme alarm is? It's Hanson.

3. I am horrible at guessing ages. I've mentioned this before, but now it's just ridiculous.
Everyone reading this blog should be a fan of Mythbusters, and if you're not you're probably reading this post by accident, somehow unintentionally ending up here looking for Halo leet tactics (if so, apparently insulting the sexuality of your enemies is popular) after I made a few posts disparaging Halo.

Have a guess in your head about how old the various Mythbuster teams are. Now go wikipedia it.

I know, I know. I'd guessed Adam and Jamie at 50s, while Kari, Tori and Grant were early 30s. Turns out the trio are all mid to late 30s (Kari 35, Tori and Grant both 38), and Adam's only 42. Man, I suck at ages. It must be because they're all having fun with pyromaniacal glee. I don't associate people over 20 as giggling at giant flaming explosions.

4. My brother used to be a major Warhammer 40K (plus Necromunda and Blood Bowl) player. He lost interest when they started making things really serious. He began playing in 3rd edition (as best he can remember), but still collected their monthly Magazine (White Dwarf) until about issue 270. He's got these, and out of boredom I've been picking them up to have a look-see every now and then.

Dear god did it get wanky. More to come in a larger post about where Games Workshop buggered up their own canon, for me.

Where's my bloody rocketpack

This isn't actually a post about rocketpacks, I just stole that phrase from an Australian comedian (unfortunately I can't remember his name) about his dislike of the 'future' (AKA the present). He was promised that the future would have hover cars and rocketpacks, and it had better damned well deliver!

Rocket packs were his beef. Mine is space travel.

The more I think about it, the more I think there are three requirements before mankind really starts traveling through space.


1. Commercial viability.

It's a horrible fact, but Fight Club is right. It will be the commercial companies that first explore other planets. This isn't the age of discovering "the new World" with the Aztec cities of gold hanging around on the horizon. No government will fund an incredibly costly mission to colonise other planets while there's need for that money on Earth, and no company will do it unless there's potential for profit.

So, before any space exploration stuff can happen, we need to find some commercially viable substance to seek out in space. Either some amazing mineral that's awesome to build stuff out of, some incredible powersource that justifies the power cost of getting into space and then some, or even just some kind of space moss that cures cancer, dandruff and erectile difficulties, all at the same time. Until we find that commercially viable substance, space will be explored at a snail's pace.


2. Space Elevator.

By now most nerds know what a space elevator is. It's a building (or even just a cord with the elevator attached) made of super-tough materials linking the surface of the planet with the outer atmosphere. The space station it's linked to in the outer atmosphere is where space ships dock and take off from, avoiding the difficulty of trying to break atmosphere as they take off, saving them immense amounts of energy.

Of course, the energy required to lift an elevator that high into the air would be about the same as it takes to get a space ship to lift off. The reason the Space Elevator is genius is that it has two elevators in place. Once mining, or intergalactic trading, or space moss collecting starts out in space, the minerals need to be returned to earth. This means that there would be a second elevator. As one elevator is lowered to the ground containing the produce, this energy is transfered into lifting the other one up. Clever, huh?

Of course, to get this sort of thing we need to start making more regular trips into space, yada yada. Plus there's the issue of control of the space elevator, which country owns it, do other countries have to pay to use it, is it in fact only owned by a company and they charge the government and other companies for it's use, etc etc.


3. F-T-L travel

ALL nerds know this one. Faster then Light travel. Of course alot of sci-fi has them actually somehow traveling faster then light, but this is pretty ridiculous. You'd need some way in which the various pieces of debris and massive amounts of matter (such as, you know, planets, suns, asteroids etc) don't interfere with the travel or cause any kind of danger.

In general the more practical (wow, that word is so inappropriate there) solution would be to 'jump', or teleport between locations. Blah blah blah, complex physics stuff, blah blah blah. Executive summary: Not in our lifetimes.



Next time someone gets kidnapped by Aliens to be anally probed, be sure to ask them when they plan to share some technology with Earth. We could use a leg up in the journey to outer space. After all, the sooner we get into outer space, the sooner our militaries become filled with giant robots. And who doesn't want that?

Seriously, put your hand up if you don't want giant robots.

You, the prat at the back with your hand up, get the hell out of my house.

It's good to be bad

I had a whole post written up about my annoyance at feel good statements like "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but that doesn't stop today smearing poo all over your new shirt" (notanactualquote) but it seemed a bit over the top and pointless. That in turn got me thinking about other things that are over the top and pointless. And that's stories (it happens most often in games, where the need for a horde of easily moralisable henchmen outweighs the need for any type of in depth though, most of the time) in which an entire race of naturally occuring/commonly encountered evil creatures exist.

Ignoring for a moment the entire illogicality of an entire race of evil creatures (presumably autonomous intelligent, for the sake of this perspective, since the evil insect race has been done to death), stemming from the fact that the social contract wouldn't be worth the paper it wasn't written on, and as such any society they create would come crashing down in a collapse of hedonism and pointy things. Ignoring that for a minute we come to the fact that it's just lazy and boring.

I'm in the minority (I believe) who think that Vader was at his most badarse when in Episode 6. Anyone who gets his hand cut off by his own son after trash-talking him, has a sudden moral crisis and then saves said-son while being electrocuted. Post hand-cutting kick-arsery and sudden Heel-Face-Turn seems more badarse to me then choking someone to death for parking too close to the curb.

I mean planet.

Why did I suddenly tangent into Darth Vader? Because as a villain he had style, panache, ruthlessness and the ability to play the keyboard from ten feet away, but he still had a sense to him that there was a depth, something underneath the plastic and wheazing that gave his character a bit more then "Boring evil enforcer in black armour" going for him. Then Anakin Skywalker showed up and turned into the most boring Mary Sue imaginable.

And so it is with entire races of evil people. It doesn't matter how detailed you make their history and backstory, they still seem shallow and pointless. Make an entire race of bad guys and you might as well make them wear armour saying "XP & lootz here. Form orderly line" since that's all they are.

A villain who has a reason for their villainous acts rather then "It's what my people do" is infinitely more entertaining and enjoyable for all intents and purposes. And while "I'ma doin' it for money and profits" can be just as one-sided as species-orientated-evil, in the hands of a good writer it much easier to sympathise with the villain (and as such feel both elated and defeated when he ultimately is beaten, which should be the goal).

Note, this only occurs in the hands of good writers. Villain from Neverwinter Nights 2, I'm looking at you here. You were such a poorly written cookie cutter example of "Feel sorry for him while beating him" it was just shoddy.

Huh, I managed to get through a whole criticism arguing against why I dislike an entire species of evil creatures without mentioning the inherently unnerving racism arguement.

... Ahh dang.

THERE IS NO **** HERE

Edit: 25/05/2009I am censoring this page, in the hopes you weirdos STOP COMING TO MY BLOG.


Ok, at first this was kinda funny. Yesterday on google analytics I noticed my blog suddenly received a larger number of hits then normal. Then I checked where they came from.

To people google searching "Nerdgasm *****", "Nerdgasm ****", "Nerdgasm+****" or "Nerdgasm.org", I have NO idea what the hell you're looking for, but it is not here. The picture of me naked is on another site, there is no ***** content here.

I just did a quick check, my site doesn't even come up in the Google top ten hits if you search ANY of those! Please, stop coming to my blog looking for nerdy ****. It was funny at first, but now it's full of squick. Bad squick.


Oh ho, look at me, I learnt how to link.

Aren't I clever.

P.S. Blazing Saddles is AWESOME.

P.P.S. Wall-E is just as AWESOME.


Edit: Additional:

Since posting this, the **** people continue to show up, and they're now jumping straight to this page.

Seriously, no porn. Can one of you tell me WHY so many of you are googling "Nerdgasm" plus many words indicating ***** entertainment?

Since this phenomena started, I have had numerous google hits on some truely horrific things. Seriously, somehow a couple of people even managed to get here looking for German ***** entertainment. My personal favourite, my absolute top of the peak favourite creepy search term that somehow got to my blog?

"aeris kotor ****"

Yes, I know writing it will result in more hits from people looking for it. But seriously, if you're looking for Knights of the Old Republic/Final Fantasy 7 ****, you DESERVE to come here so I can mock you.

The Internet is for ****, we all know that, but why do you have to look up some weird-arse shit? Who honestly thinks "man, this crossover would be so hot", and then goes looking for it. Honestly, are normal ******* not enough for you people?

I seriously hope rule 34 fails for you.

The problems with KotOR 2

Let me start off by saying I can appreciate what Obsidian were trying to do with this game, trying to delve somewhat into the philosophical stance of the Force, if it can be genuinely trusted as an amorphous energy field interacted with through the means of ring-worms, or if it should merely be seen as a tool. They tried to expand upon the different philosophies of the light side and the dark side, attempting to present the extremes of both as the problematic doctrines they would likely be were they to actually exist.

Now let's get into the real fact of the matter. The real fact of the matter is that were Knights of the Old Republic 2 a sexual act performed by a beautiful woman, it would convince me a life of celibacy is a reasonable alternative.

The additions to the roleplaying advancement system from KotOR feel more like a "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if X!?" rather then "We've done testing, and analysis and decided this will be a balanced addition." This meant that playing as anything other then the super-speedy "I get 7 attacks per turn and thus do seven times the damage of EVERYONE ELSE" Jedi is effectively choosing the harder path. Note I say 'harder' not 'hard' since the game is ridiculously easy. I understand you're meant to feel like an all-powerful Jedi, but on my three playthroughs I never felt like I was in any type of danger at any point.

But as the first Knights of the Old Republic proved you can get away with less then amazing gameplay if the story is worth it, and for me KotOR 2 just proved this. It proved it by having a horendous story, and thus not getting away with it.

A common cliche used in games where the past of the character is very important is to give them amnesia so they have to slowly discover what it is they did and why it triggered the impending zompocalpyse, hopefully before they get their faces eaten off. KotOR2 did something similar to this, in that your backstory is very important to the current story, but they it forgets to tell you what it is until about 5 hours in, and even then it's only dribs and drabs. Seriously, how hard would it be for them to throw in something early on letting you know that you don't like the Jedi, you're a war general, and you were responsible for one of the worst attrocities in the entire Mandalorian War (WHOOPS. SPOILERS)? I always try to play the light side goodie goodie first in games with moral choices, so it would've been nice to know that suddenly having my character loving the Jedi is a complete about-face for the mad bastard with a poor memory.

One of the goals of characters on your side is to have them someone the playercan sympathise with, even if they're not entirely likeable if you can sympathise with them and their situation it's much easier to care when they're in trouble. In this regard KotOR 2 failed miserably, as the only character who's even joining you made sense was the personality-blank Zabrak, who was a supposedly melee fighter but who had so few hitpoints there was no point in taking him anywhere, thus you just left him on the ship, whipping him and screaming "Make me a goddamned lightsaber".

All the others either joined the party so late in the game or made so little sense with their presence most of the time you were sitting there saying "Why the hell are you even here!? Don't you have jobs you people could be doing rather then mooching off of the food processor of my ship!?"

There is one exception to this though. the elderly female ex-jedi DOES have a reason to be there, as she tries to 'teach' you, but seeing as the only way to make her happy is to be a manipulative wanker and she happily insults everyone who dares to breath the same air as you, I was getting a bit of a creepy vibe from her and decided to leave her in the ship. (WHOOPS. SPOILERS) Then later on when her betrayal happens and you have to track her down, are you supposed to feel sorry for her, surprised at the betrayal, or angered maybe? I didn't feel any of that, I was just glad I got the chance to kill the smug little pain in the arse in the end, and was wondering when the final dialogue would end so I could put my lightsaber in her creepy face.

And that's another problem. In Knights 1 there was a major genuine threat (a giant ever-growing armada of evil space ships coming from an unknown source intent on squashing the galaxy flat beneath it's boot? I'd call that a threat), but in Knights 2 you just never feel it. Early on in the game you get introduced to Sith Frankenstein and his Sith Assassins, then you bounce around for a while without any major menacing of you except from the easily defeated "I can't believe it's not HK-47" assassin droids (which I wish I could learn more about but can't because they released the game six months early), and even those droids aren't much of a threat.

After a while you're introduced to the threat of Sith "Long Dark Robes and stupid mask" (or LorD RASM for short). Well I tell a lie, you don't meet Lord Rasm, you meet his apprentice, who you kick the snot out of and she joins you. I didn't realise that was the normal way to get employees in the Star Wars universe. Lord Rasm is supposed to be heavily threatening, but that's the thing, neither he nor Sith Frankenstein seem to have a real goal other then "Cause shit and screw things up for the player". They don't seem to have any genuine kind of plan, and barely seem to acknowledge each other's existence beyond one or two cutscenes. In fact the randomness of their actions make it difficult to work out who the Sith troopers you meet belong to, or if you just happen to be running across they out of coincidence. They feel less like powerful Sith Lords and threats to the galaxy and more like annoying little boys on the right carpet who've worked out how to use static electricity to zap people.

Finally, the pacing of the game makes little sense. As an example, early on in the game you're fighting your way through a space station/ship. Well I say fighting, you're just walking through it and occasionally you see a spawn of Sith Assassins ten feet away who were supposed to be invisible, but it's quite obvious they were just created. You kill them, take their stuff (very little of which makes sense "Barry, why are you carrying that antique armour into battle?" "Well I don't want to lose it, do I? I wish Sith Frankenstein would give us lockers...") and move on. At no point do you feel rushed, with plenty of time to wander around and take all the stuff you see. You get through it all (whoop-di-do), get to your escape ship without any threat in sight for the last three rooms, walk in, and suddenly the exciting music starts up.

"It'll take some time to get the engines working! You'd better give the gun turret a workout!"
Wait, what? Is that normal practice in the Star Wars universe? The engine is starting up, quick, shoot up the hanger for a laugh.

Suddenly it goes to a cutscene where you're all under fire while getting into the ship. Huh!? Where did this come from!? Was I meant to feel like I was being rushed? Then you're in the gun turret and shooting at the same soldiers you killed in Knights 1, with no explanation how they got there. You just went THROUGH the ship they would've arrived on to get to your own ship! Surely you would've noticed one or two as you were taking all their shit!

Which is another thing, the game never explains where they came from. Supposedly they're all just leftovers from the Sith in Knights 1, who decide to join up with the Sith Lords, but to me that makes no sense. "We've all just got our aces kick in the war, let's join up with these guys and keep fighting a war we have no chance of winning, under some people who have no real objective." And why keep the same uniforms? They're just associated with losing now. Or maybe they were on discount at the "Evil henchman uniform rental shop" because of all the lightsaber holes.

That's one thing that makes no sense. They never really explain where these Sith guys came from, and them having huge infrastructure around themselves makes little sense, it's just there to give them an aura of menace and so you can kill lots of people on your way up to them. They might as well call their armies "XP & Loot Battalion"

(WHOOPS. SPOILERS) Since the Big-Bad of the end is in your party the entire time, it feels like Darth Frankenstein and Lord Rasm are there simply to waste time while you're getting to know her so you feel bad about having to fight her in the end.

One final complaint (the final being written out at least, I have MANY more complaints): One of the genuine appeals of playing as a Jedi in games is the chance to use a laser sword to cauterise bad guy's anus' shut. Unless you play KotOR 2 in a very specific order you might spend ages before you finally get a god-damned lightsaber. You might not even get one if you forget to check specific places in locations you can't go back to. Call me picky, but if I'm playing as a Jedi, I want access to a lightsaber by the time the enormously long introduction is friggin' finished, not twenty minutes before I have to face the first boss. It all seems very deliberately pushing you towards playing the 'optional' planets in a specific order, but without any hints what that order is meant to be. If you don't do Nar Shadaa first, you'll be without lightsaber OR HK-47 (the two good things about the game) for ages, something that sucks more then.... something that sucks enormously.

I tell a lie, one last complaint. I understand the engine used in the game had limitations, but surely the cutscenes didn't have to be THAT awkward. 50% of the time the cutscenes made no sense and you had to guess what the hell was meant to be happening, something not made easier by the bugginess of certain things. This is a problem that existed in KotOR 1 as well, but in number 2 it just seems so much more prevelent.


But seeing as I've spent so long pounding the game, I should end on a good note, I suppose.

The game has HK-47 in it.

Query: What more do you need?

Justice League Unlimited

(The dating of this is a bit screwed up. I started this post (along with a couple of others) a few days ago, and it counts them as being posted when I started them, rather then when I clicked submit. This was actually posted about noon on Monday, Sydney time, so roughly 2am GMT)

Have you ever seen the cartoon "Justice League" and it's follow up "Justice League Unlimited" (from which I stole part of the URL for this blog)?

It's rather obvious I have and despite the fact I was in my 20's when I saw it I firmly believe I was part of the ideal audience for the show. But I'm not here to discuss the positives and negatives of that style of children's cartoon (though that's an idea for another blog post). Let's talk about super-powers, since the Justice League in the original two seasons is a remarkably potent cross section of the variety of super-powers available to characters, and did a pretty good job of reconciling the differences in their respective 'power levels'.

I just spent 30 minutes writing up a rather dry comparison of the powers and personalities of the characters involved, but then I realised I could summarise it in the following manner.

Superman: Boring and always getting knocked the F out so he didn't win everything with his super-everything.

Batman: Mysterious and always winning the day by being so awesome the writers had an erection as they wrote down what he did.

Wonder Woman: Yet another super-strengther. I'm trying to think of more to write, but she really didn't have that much happening. The 'Fish out of water' was sporadic at best, the 'angry warrior woman' was overshadowed by Hawkgirl doing the same thing. Probably the most obvious thing about her is she wanted to jump Batman, but who doesn't?

Green Lantern: Had potential to be utterly cool, but the fact he used his "ring of make anything" to make straight lines and flat walls sort of ruined that for me. Oh, bonus points for the fact he seems to SLEEP WITH EVERYTHING.

Hawk Girl: Angry woman with wings and a mace. Seriously, that's all she seemed to bring to the party. Flying (oh no, no one else can do that) and a mace (why, that'd almost be as good as punching someone with super strength, wouldn't it?)

Martian Manhunter: Is anyone else majorly disappointed with his telepathic abilities? He was supposedly awesome with them, but every time he tried to use them they seemed to screw up. He basically just acted as a dues ex machina. "Oh no! We need to find out where something is! Quick, give the manhunter a henchman to read and let's go."

Flash: Awesome. Pure undiluted awesome. If Chuck Norris' urine became sentient, solid, man-shaped and super-powered it would be both creepy and it STILL wouldn't hold a candle to the Flash.

This is what this entire post has been building up to. My mancrush on the Flash from the Justice League cartoons. Initially he felt underpowered, it was really confusing how he was even meant to be able to keep up with Batman, the unpowered one in the group. But the bastard kept coming up with awesome ways to use his powers, and then every now and then just pulled something out of the hat that was so amazing he won the prize for "being F-ing amazing".

A while back in this blog I wrote something about superpowers. At least I think I did, I can't find it know and I'll be arsed if I'm going to actually LOOK for it. In it I defined what my ideal powers would be, and I have to say after consideration I'm changing all my answers to "Super speed", based on what I've seen the Flash do with it.

But, probably most awesome, is the character's personality. He wasn't perfectly planning everything like the Batman (also known as, being so clinical it's difficult to tell if there is a personality) or goody-goody justice like Superman. He was more level-headed then angry warrior women, and more impulsive then Ex-marine Green Lantern. All in all, a perfect combination for a good quality personality. Oh, and unlike the martian he actually HAS a personality. He's brash, but capable of thinking when he needs to (he just often choses not to), plus he's idealistic enough to be cool without going into the realm of unrealistic. And, best of all, he makes mistakes and isn't perfect in all ways except lack of knowledge about our culture.

Executive Summary: Flash is better then the entire rest of the justice league, and anyone who says otherwise is OBVIOUSLY someone with a different opinion.

And therefore useless.

I did not care about Aeris' death

Aside: Every time conversations turn to tattoos I say the same thing. "I don't really care either way about other people getting them, but for me I don't think that's my style. And even if it was, I can't think of what I would get." That is at a change. They still aren't my style, but I've worked out what I would get. The symbol used by The Flash, the DC character. I'll explain why NEXT post.


In this post, I feel I must defend a statement I made in my last post, after a couple of people mentioned it to me.

This statement is the rather controversial one, in which I said I felt nothing for Aeris when she died in Final Fantasy 7 (WHOOPS. SPOILERS.) I didn't feel anything at the time because of my attitude when playing the game, and I didn't feel anything when recently replaying the game because of my newly found dislike of FF7. Well, dislike is the wrong word. Allow me to clarify both individual playthrough's perspectives.


1. First playthrough (approx early 1997).

Final Fantasy 7 was pretty much my introduction to RPGs. It was the second game we'd gotten on our brand new PlayStation (as in, 1, the original, the first therefore not needing a sequel designation), and it was being touted as the sperm-based emissions of the second coming of Jesus in CD form. It was such a huge game it needed 3(!!) CDs! Think about that folks! That's like, nearly 2 gigabyte of size! You don't get games like that anymore, oh no.

It was released back in January 1997, literally a dozen years ago now, and I was at the grand old age of 10. The story was shallow enough I could understand what was going on, but deep enough for me to feel like it was an epic, grand tale of adventure and awesomeness. The character were easy to understand but had actual LINES, so it felt like I was part of a movie or something.

Aeris, in the middle of this, just shat me to tears. Her personality was wooden and forced and her joining Cloud just felt ridiculous. She shows up, flirts at 'you'/Cloud (rather then with the character) and one of her first acts is to dress up the big-tough-soldier your character is meant to be in women's clothing, bringing about huge numbers of rather awkward jokes that even to a 10 year old felt in poor taste.

At no point did she demonstrate any real degree of personality to me, a ten year old, beyond the statement "I've got a magical bloodline, and I've got a thing for the protagonist". And so, for that reason, my ten year old brain decided not to include her in my party (and instead to stock it with the manly menly options, since I thought they'd kick more butt betterer). Not that character selection seemed to do much. All it really affected to any degree was some minor dialogue, who tried to go on a date with Cloud, and the limit breaks.

Since she was never in my party, when she suddenly left my party my only reaction was "Good thing I never bought her any crap, I'd hate to lose that money". Then when you saw her again and she was stabbed, my only thought was "Damn, now I want a sword like Sephiroth's even more".

I had no emotional reaction to Aeris' death in Final Fantasy 7 on my first playthrough.


2. Recent replay (approx mid-2008).

You'll note I said in the above section "Final Fantasy 7 was pretty much my introduction to RPGs". As you can imagine, this means I've played many, many of them since then. I have laughed at Deekin's antics (although I admit it took me a while to warm up to the little bastard), felt genuine surprise at the reveal in Knights of the Old Republic, and agonised over the choices in Mass Effect, among many other RPGs I've played. I have played most of them through multiple times, and felt the sting of altitis in an MMO.

Note all of the games on that list are Western style RPGs. For me the Eastern style RPG is not so much a game, but a DVD movie with an exceptionally irritating type of menu to play the game where you can get things wrong. I understand many people out there enjoy the games, but I am not a JRPG fan, and I sincerely doubt I ever will be. For me the joy of RPGs is the customisation, watching the game react to your creation of your own character, and how different types of characters respond to different combat scenarios.

As I said, I genuinely enjoyed Final Fantasy 7 when I first played it, but recently I tried replaying the game and found it rather dull. To use an awkward metaphor it was kind of like the fond memory of your first kiss on the playground, before you realise girls aren't yucky but at the same time quite enjoyable. Having a fond memory of that is fine, but if you go back to that experience 12 years on and start trying to get kisses on the playground you should be locked away. What does that awkward metaphor mean? I mean that just because you have fond memories of something, doesn't mean that it's any good in a dozen years time.

Move on people. Final Fantasy 7 was a grand game when it was released, but now there are many many more games in the area, we don't need constant games and movies drawing on it. Remember it fondly, don't drag it kicking and screaming into modern times.

Ahem. Sorry, tangent rant.

In my recent playthrough I found the story came rather flat. It was 2-dimensional pretending it was 3D, a bit like the original Wolfenstein but with more obvious characterisations of bad guys (and to be more obvious then Nazi's takes a bit of doing). Of course, the glaring differences between JRPGs and Western RPGs reared their ugly heads and I was left wondering if there was any real genuine customisability in the game beyond making everyone as balanced as possible and making sure someone on the team had "Steal" materia. Seeing as you seem to be needing to genuinely try to be able to lose, it did lose some of the "on the seat of your pants" danger it was going for at times.

The inability to decide ANYTHING about your own character besides which two friends he takes along, all the while inexplicably leaving everyone else behind, left a sour taste in my spoiled little Western-RPG-sensibilities. Even if you love tang when you're a child, after you've tasted quality chardonnay it's difficult to go back.

And then I came to the part where I was re-introduced to Aeris. The intervening years hadn't granted her personality any points, and she was still flat as a board intellect wise. "I'm a nice girl who gets caught up in all the chaos, BUT JUST SO HAPPENS I've got a magical bloodline, and I've got a thing for the protagonist". I tell a lie, her personality has grown a whole sixteen more words in the intervening 12 years.

Again, any attempt to feel sympathy and care for her was bludgeoned to death early on when she once more threw my tough grizzled soldier in a dress, rather then let him cut his way through the crime boss' henchmen. Which made no sense, as that's what the character ends up doing once they get inside anyway.

Not to mention she is one of the first things to really throw out my suspension of disbelief. Quiet gentle slum-girl is able to fight just as well as super-soldier terrorist? Even in Anime they'd at least justify it with her having some magical ninja background or something. Then again, at about this point in the game you're being attacked by roving rocket-launching monster robot houses, so I suppose I'm just being picky.

Then came the grand vanishing and her death... and once more I felt nothing. No, I tell a lie, I thought "huh, it would be a semi-reasonable plot twist, if I didn't already know about it." Second lie. I also was impressed at Sepiroth's sword's ability to cut through the sternum. That's a bloody hard bit of bone, right there.

And so, again, I didn't really care about her being killed. Since her particular speciality (magic, according to the stats which seem to affect damn near nothing) was already covered by other party members I liked more, I never took her in the party. I never grew to like the character, and so when her particular collection of 1s and 0s were removed from my party screen, it... didn't bother me.


I do understand that at various points in this post I seemed to have lapsed away from my original position about lack of empathising with Aeris, but at the same time it's all linked. The JRPG style of storytelling makes it difficult for me to relate to the characters, since I feel more like an observer then a participant, which jars with my engrained RPG ideas.

I dunno, maybe I'm just emotionally stunted. I felt nothing at the end of the second act (WHOOPS. SPOILER) of Neverwinter Nights 2, although that could be attributed to horrendous writing. Then again, as a counter, I was genuinely bummed in Mass Effect, when... Oh no, you'll have to play that one yourself.

Your treasure from this quest is a bag of Random

I do not like shouting about my own calls or insults, but this one I am particularly proud of, and shall do so anyway.
"She's the Bronze Medal of trophy wives. No, that's not true. She's the certificate of participation, of trophy wives."

1. I don't get Halo or Half-life. Neither of them. I've played them and at least attempted sequals (played Half Life 2 at a friend's place, I refuse to install Steam). Halo was a solid FPS with nothing particularly amazing attached, and Half Life is apparently a "Paragon of storytelling", but basically is "stuff happens when science goes wrong!" mixed with "Evil Aliens from another dimension!"

Normally this isn't a problem, but I'm meant to be the jack of all nerds (at least that's what my claim to fame is). If the jack of all nerds doesn't like those series, what's the problem with either A) Me or B) The series?

To let you lot make your own mind up, here is my perspective on both sides.

HALO: Nameless, faceless, emotionless protagonist (let's be honest here, he barely talks and his backstory exists to make him a depth-less killing machine. He may be different in the novels, but in the games he's just... boring) fights off hordes of wacky looking aliens to save the world. Put that in a movie and it would be dull as Micheal Moore reading the phone book.

Even the Gameplay, it's principal claim to fame doesn't grab me. It does what it does solidly, but at no point is it really engrossing for me. The fact that they had to introduce a new character (the arbiter) to have some kind of characterisation in the games just annoys me. And the Fans then DISLIKED the Arbiter! These are people who never outgrew the "Faceless badarse = genuine character" stage of narratives.

Which brings me neatly around to what annoys me greatly about Halo. I am not one for disliking something merely because it's fans annoy me (ok, that's a lie, but run with it) but the hardcore Halo fans weird me out. I've listened in on people playing Halo online (supposedly where it shines), and it scared me. The 'average' vocal gamer (even taking into consideration my previously discussed exponential idiot growth rule) in that game is the sort of person I don't really enjoy associating with. I'm sure there are some exceptions, but I'm sure there are some socially enjoyable arsonists out there, but I still wouldn't invite them into my living room.

HALF LIFE: I don't care if you DO hang a lampshade on it (google that), having your protagonist be such an 'Everyman' that he NEVER FRIGGIN' SPEAKS is taking it too far. Shadey government types and oh-so evil alien empire (complete with put-upon minorities who don't actually dislike humanity) round out the generic cast. Again, the gameplay is solid and both seem to be immensely moddable (something I can only respect), but nothing grabbed me.

My dislike of Half-life isn't in the same league as Halo, but at no point has anything about the series struck me as "YOU MUST ENJOY THIS". At no point have I really cared about the plight of the main characters (although this could be a sign that I'm emotionally stunted, since I cheered when Aeris died) or the human race in general, in those games. So much of the game seemed to be "Hey, check out what we can do!" rather then attempting to expand anything about the game.

I will credit the Valve people with designing a reasonable game that many people will enjoy. I am not one of those people, and I sincerely doubt I will ever be one of those people.


2. I was going to put in something about my dislike of Warcraft stuff, but I've already done that in this blog. Even got a google hit from it.


3. Some of you may be familiar with Jack Chick (you can google him yourself, I refuse to link the bugger). Basically he's the epitome of strawman arguements and demonisation of the 'enemy'. Dungeons and Dragons leads to satanism, tolerance of homosexuality is the road to hell, etc etc. But you can find the saviour, and yada yada yada.

What I WILL link you to is something I found recently. This:
http://www.fredvanlente.com/cthulhutract/pages/index.html
The Lovecraftian equivilent.

I don't know about you lot, but I feel like Lovecraft's equivilent is much more convincing then Chick's weak nonsense.


4. I have decided to rectify a cardinal sin I've commited.

I, Stephen, THE NERDGASM, have never watched Robotech.

This shall be fixed.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The worst bit about fantasising about the most awesome game that could ever exist, is knowing it never will. Anyway, onto the blog post.


Let me say straight off the bat I rate the Ninja Turtles in the following order from coolest to least-cool.


1. Michelangelo

2. Donatello

3/4. Leonardo/Raphael.


I believe my reasons for this will become clear.


As all writers know (or should know) having characters all the exact same sucks, is dull, and bores the hell out of everyone. Ninja Turtles exemplifies why writers should strive for differences in their characters. Each of the turles exemplifies a different personality type, and the resulting conflicts between them (followed by the mending of bridges just in time to kick Shredder's acehole) works well as a narrative.


But really, this is a post about human-sized Turtles trained fiercely in various martial arts moves who use those abilities to fight evil, in a cartoon designed to sell toys. So examination of the narrative capacities of this falls flat in the face of GODDAMNED AWESOME.


Leonardo - The archetypical 'hero'. He takes responsibility for his actions and those of his allies, even if they won't, and functions as a guiding force for the group. This sense of responsibility, combined with his emphasis on "the right thing" leads him to be the most boring of the Turtles. Sure, theoretically he's the most heroic of them all, and usually the one who's "right" (in most arguements his apology at the end seems to be "I'm sorry I got angry with you for being so wrong, nob-head"), but... seriously, BORING.


Raphael - The bad boy. The one who punches first and gets angry at pretty easy to achieve provocation. He's passionate, firey and doesn't care what rules are broken in order to get a 'good' result. Underneath all his bad boy attitude lurks a heart of gold and a fierce loyalty to his friends. In other words, he's Wolverine. Raphael just strikes me as a moron, his style of doing anything gets on my pecs, and the number of times he's gotten into crap because he charges off alone and has to be saved by his brothers... you'd think he would've friggin' learnt by now.


Donatello - The smart one. In some media forms they overdo Donatello's "smart", making him an aspergas sufferer able to put together gadgets that would shame the bastard lovechild of McGuyver and Q. Other time he's "one of the boys", just as humourous as even Michelangelo, but with a bit more intelligence. While Raphael and Leonardo argue over leadership style, Michelangelo and Donatello sit back, watch and share a Pork Rind. He's good value, but a bit too "driven" for me.


Michelangelo - The laid back one, and the one whom it could be argued I've based my life around (sans the enormous shell and ninja skills). He's laid back, enjoys a joke, has a great time when he's off duty, and kicks shell when he's on duty. What more is there to say? Michelangelo is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and even that is up in the air (in Mickey's favour).


The thing that makes me most upset about doing this post?

I realised I'm no longer a Teenager. I'm older then the Turtles.

I'ma gonna go do old people things.

When I say "RANDOM" you say "BAG"

RANDOM!


....


... You're really not into this, huh? We'll try it again.


RANDOM!


("Bag?")


Near enough.



1. http://countycomm.com/microhook.htm

On one hand, this is awesome, the fact that grappling hooks are now so easy to get. On the other hand, this is such a small one it is ineffective as a penis substitute, plus it requires you to screw the hooks in before use. Not to mention the most epic fail of the entire product, "Special note to Ninja Warriors: This will not support your body weight."

A grappling hook that can't support your body weight is useless when my mind finally snaps, I convince myself I'm a super-hero and go out to fight crime. But, let's face it, the fact they have to make this specifically known to their customers is awesome.


2. http://thesomewhatambitious.com/

I might as well just link you all here. My brother sent me the link recently, and I'm probably going to end up stealing enormous numbers of the things they link to. It's a nerd-blog, that does nerd better then I do it. Goddamn it.


3. Some superpowers I can really see the appeal of (superspeed, teleportation, super-strength, agility, wall crawling, etc etc) but some just don't DO it for me. Elemental based powers just fall flat for me. I thought of this when a friend directed me to a game called Infamous (coming out on the PS3 this year) after I was talking to him about Prototype. In it your character is granted Electrical powers.

I can see where that's dangerous, I wouldn't want to be hit by a bolt of lightning, but... I dunno, the imagery doesn't evoke anything for me. It's like you're even more of a one-hit-wonder then the Hulk ("HULK SMASH" "yes yes, Mr Hulk, but that won't help us with this forensic murder mystery, will it?"). But even worse then that, it feels like a one-hit-wonder they're trying to artifically inflate. Let's be honest, the most intricate plan an electrical person could do would be throw lightning at someone through a conductor. Instead people keep trying to come up with different ways it (and other elemental powers) can be used.

Have a look at the Infamous stuff. Apparently he can use "electrical armour" to protect himself. Well done, now the bullets being shot at you are more charged then a 9 volt battery, so probably hurt even more. Or he can shoot "A ball of lightning". Call me picky, but isn't lightning a multi-pronged line of things arcing out? A ball just sounds random. Plus since it's lightning, it'd be moving too fast for people to even see.


4. There is one internet saying I like to use in real life. Especially about completely inappropiate things. "Pics or it didn't happen". And I don't even use that seriously on the internet, I just love the concept that until you can back it up with evidence, ANYTHING is up for debate.

"I saw a Bilby!" "Pics or it didn't happen"
"Man, this is really awkward. I slept with that girl." "Pics or it didn't happen"
"Obama is now officially president!" "Pics or it didn't happen"
"I've got a blistering headache" "Pics or it didn't happen"
"Here due, I've got you a beer" "Pics or it didn't happen"

Throw it into your real life conversations, just to see how people react.

Upcoming game: Prototype

If you want info on the game, best thing I can do for you is send you to the main page (http://www.prototypegame.com/). What I'm going to talk about is my thoughts on it.



Prototype is a Sandbox (oohh I love that word) game where you play generic "out for revenge against the people who did this too me" loner in the middle of a sprawling city gone mad. Check out some of the videos.

Do you want to know why I'm excited though? Not because some of the gameplay actually looks pretty fun. Not because it's a sandbox game with superhuman free-running (though that's a major bonus). Not even because you're capable of killing and mimicing someone's appearance, and if you do so for high ranked generals you can call down airstrikes and send orders to 'your' troops. Not because you're capable of leaping hundreds of feet into the air and 'gliding' around, or landing with a shockwave that sends cars flying. Not even because you're capable of picking up cars and hurling them around.

Look at all those statements again.
Chameleonic mimic
Flight
Super-human traveling
Super jumping
Super strength

Those are all super-powers. Prototype PROVES that it's possible to have a sandbox style Action RPG in which you play a superhuman (who could be either heroic or villainous) set loose in a city. How amazingly awesome would that be? You could be a hero, trying to stop robberies, capture criminals, save the city/world with your super-powers. Or you could be a villain, destroying without care as you rob banks and use those funds to accumulate what is needed for your doomsday/hostage-holding plan.

Someone, get cracking. I want it to have:

• Incredibly open-ended power choices (preferably points-buy) with the ability to improve or add powers as you level up
• An in-depth character-appearance-creator
• A maximum level so high it'd take months to reach it
• Crime of varying levels (street crime, all the way up to superhuman crime) occuring 'randomly' as the hero is out on patrol
• The option for some characters (which can be traded in at character creation) to de-disguise themselves so they can fit in fine with the normal population
• A number of possible storylines fit into various points, that the player can either follow up (E.G. Hero finding clues to a dastardly plot and finding out what it is, or Villain being offered a chance to be part of a super-villain team for the soul purpose of taking out a super-team) or ignore. If they choose to ignore, the plot doesn't just "not happen", it happens without them (E.G. The super-robot army the hero decided not to follow is finished and invades the city, or the super-villain team sans the player take on the super-hero team in broad daylight in public).
• A 'Degree of crime' meter for villains. A villain who causes massive destruction of property and injury/death while robbing a bank is considered a much greater threat then a villain who sneaks past dozens of guards and takes a diamond without anyone even noticing.
• The ability at creation to choose a 'wealth variable'. That is, an amount of money you get weekly, which can be raised like anything else at level-up. Either this money (plus any ill-gotten gains from criminal acts) or level-up-points can be used to upgrade your lair (or even buy a lair in the first place) or acquire limited-use gadgets.
• Lairs possess workbenches (for use in making limited-use gadgets or in some cases permanent use gadgets), fair-aid benches, costume modification benches, police-radios (or in updated cases, computer tapped into all burglery alarms in the city), garages for super-vehicles and Investigative assistance computers (as long as you purchase them, of course).
• If you gather ALOT of notice and don't get a lair that's highly hidden (purchased at creation) your lair can be invaded by villains with a grudge against you, either when you're there, or when you're not. They can either just trash the place, or alternatively you can be alerted by the security alarm as your defence systems slow down/restrain them.
• Foes access from a large list of potential rogues' gallery. As you continually encounter one or two of them, they become tagged as Nemesis', and at times will deliberately seek you out.

Someone try to tell me this isn't a game you would nerdgasm about. Here's hoping someone in the industry sees the potential of Prototype.

I am an Honours Student

Am I a bad person for finding this line about Cleopatra's geneology funny? "The high degree of inbreeding among the Ptolemies can be seen from the ancestry of Cleopatra VII. As the Ahnentafel below shows, she only had four great grandparents and six (out of a possible sixteen) great-great-grandparents (furthermore, four of those six were descended from the other two)."

"(S)ix great-great-grandparents" "four of those six were descended from the other two."

That is far, far too hilarious. (Source, Wikipedia)



This is going to be another weak post, but it's something I brushed over before, but now want to brag about.

I am now undertaking my Honours in Sociology. My application was accepted, and I am currently mid-way through the enrolment process.

Ho. Lee. Crap.

I'm over the "Excessive swearing as an outlet of how awesome I think this is" stage, and right smack into the "Nahh, this isn't really happening" stage.

The thing is, I received this a day or two after I realised my other two options I'd attempted (a screenwriting post-grad degree at AFTRS, and a stageplay writing competition) had both failed. A few months ago, thinking "It's all good, I've tried three things, one of them will pay off at least. Hell, I may have to decide between them." Then when two of them have failed, and you're left with just one left... Holy crapballs that is stressful. And then for it to pay off. It's better then sex (well, not really, but it's damn good).


And now, I need to earn the title Nerd with something nerdy in this post. I have stated in the past my desire to own a Stormtrooper outfit. I doubt this will happen until I have enough money that casually throwing away several thousand dollars is no big deal. However, I have come to the conclusion that, should I buy a costume, I'll be limited to Darth Vader, because of my size. Damn being 6'3 (approx).

Hmm... maybe not. I just checked the ever-so-helpful Google (a little TOO helpful, if you ask me. Google is a conspiracy I tells ya! A conspiracy!) and I've been informed the normal Stormtrooper height is 1.8 meters. I fit into that.


Oh, and also, I came across a hilarious arguement on the internet while searching Star Wars costumes, that I MUST share. The internet has alot of stupid arguements, but this one takes the cake, headbutts it and wonders why the birthday boy is crying before being escorted off the premises for ruining the party for everyone. http://www.bobafett.com/boards/viewtopic.php?id=2152&p=1

Who would win in a fight between HK-47 (An Extended Universe Star Wars character, basically an amusing psychopathic Assassination droid who somehow manages to be awesome) Vs Master Chief (Halo main character). I mean, even by internet standards this is a pretty stupid question to ask.

We all know HK-47 would kick Master Chief's ace.



P.S. Next post: The GOOGLE CONSPIRACY.

RPG design programs

I just realised something recently, I think more people have read my blog now then seen the picture of me naked at Stonehenge (it was for a dare). My words are now better known then my arse. Part of me is joyful about this, part of me... feels a sense of loss.


Automated RPG design. It's a wonderful thing.

A few posts ago I mentioned my wish for there to be more Silhouette RPG programs for designing vehicles and characters. It would make it far easier, where you could just throw the numbers in, and the program did all the mathematical calculations for you. It sounds like I'm just trying to be lazy at first, right? Well, I sort of missed the point of being lazy. I've designed my OWN Excel sheet for Silhouette vehicle design. I won't put it up for download anywhere, since it's very rough, doesn't look fancy, and in alot of places I've just ad-libbed things. Still, for someone who pretty much failed maths in High School, I think putting together cells with formulas like the following is pretty impressive.

=((F4+F7)^2*(F4+F7)^2+(E5+F7)*E5^2)*F6
=(D11*D11)+((E21^2+E23^2+E25^2)-H25)*F27

Granted it's mostly just multiplication and addition, but still it looks pretty damn complex. And considering I did formulas of varying complexity for over 100 cells (at least) in accordance to the rules laid out over 20+ pages, I'm impressed with myself.


Professional work is much prettier, though. Take into account a new program I've downloaded recently because of my interest in the RPG "Mutants and Masterminds", it's like a simpler version of the HERO system, using D20 RPG rules as a base. First time I looked through it, it didn't grab me. However this time though I can see why it's celebrated as one of the better D20 systems. Plus it has around about the variability of HERO (probably just a bit less) without requiring as much over-the-top-detail. The Program is called "Hero Lab 3.0", and can be used for Mutants and Masterminds, 3.5 D20 OGL, and even World of Darkness. Sometimes simplicity is a strength in and of itself.

While I am immensely proud of my excel sheet, I prefer if someone else does the hard work for me.

Filler and DF update

I am slowing down in my old age. It only takes seven hours of drinking to do me in.

Just a short filler post today, since I can't think of anything witty, insightful or informative to talk about, hung over as I am.

Though I imagine people may be wondering if Dwarf Fortress has it's grip on me.

No it doesn't. I can't even work out how to start a game.

I shall make a Fortress out of Dwarves

I just read the greatest ever method for telling a true gamer geek from one who merely attempts to be one. Ask them the question "Who is hotter, Lara Croft or Samus Aran". If they need to stop to think about the answer, they're genuine. If they ask who Samus Aran is, or don't know it's a she, they fail.

• 100. Bugger me. I didn't even know there WERE 100 facts about myself. Apparently there are. Here's the final one. This year I gave myself three Resolutions (yes, yes, I know New Years resolutions are nothing but a cheap prank people play upon themselves to fool themselves that as an arbitrary measure of time passes things will improve on the incoming measure of time, while in reality if they REALLY wanted to make changes in their lives they would be capable of doing so indepedantly of outside meaningly time-period indicators). 1. Finish my script and other writing projects. 2. Do something with my life other then "Sit around". 3. Get into shape. 2 and 3 are on track (getting into Honours and exercises, respectively) while 1 is struggling.

Well, goodbye cruel worlds. Farewell harsh mistresses of time and space. Toodle-oo reality.

No, I'm not doing anything drastic with my frail mortality. No, I'm not ceasing to blog, or anything drastic like that.

I've just downloaded Dwarf Fortress. So on the off chance I become one of those sucked into it's ACSIC (or however it's spelt) art world of amazing simulation, I figured I should leave behind a message telling people what happened.

For those of you who do not know what Dwarf Fortress is, google it. Go on, I'll wait here.

.... Some time later ....

Scary, isn't it? A ridiculously complex simulation of a fantasy world in which Dwarfs carve a home out of rock and inhabit it, while under siege from various horrible races, friendly races come to trade, and Elephants run amock. And with me playing it, I can see three things happening.

1. I try it, it doesn't grab me, and I go back to wishing giant robots existed in the real world once more, letting my half-formed Dwarven society collapse under the weight of it's ill-supported rock tunnels.

2. I try it, I get sucked in for a couple of weeks, watching my fortress flourish and grow, become amazing in the space of a short time, getting to know the details of all my minions... then a rogue elephant goes crazy and smashes everything in my fortress, killing all my Dwarves and ruining numerous in-game-years worth of work. I delete the game and never look at it again.

3. I try it, and am discovered numerous years later having died of malnutrition, being written off as "missing, presumed dead", with an adendum attached to my autopsy report, saying "his Dwarven society still flourished in the years since he died, however."

Someone make Silhouette programs for RPGs

Ace Ventura is the first place I ever saw a Mangina. What is a mangina? Don't google it.

• 99. Someone I know who I find quite physically attractive (it's a she, just so you all know) recently lost all attraction from me. Why? Nothing they did. I just had a horrible dream where I walked in on an Eiffel tower involving her. Don't know what an Eiffel tower is? Don't ask. I know it's unfair, since it's nothing she did (and no, for those Freudians out there, it doesn't mean anything), but still... bang, attraction GONE.

I've worked out what I enjoy about roleplaying games (as in, the pen and paper ones). Considering I've never played them, I can't imagine that qualifies. It might, but for now I'll just write it off saying "It's obviously something else." It's not the ability to munchin* out uber characters, since my characters are decidedly un-uber, and never made to min-max outside of the normal "Well this guy is a light-armour wearing melee-er, so I'll get him weapon finesse and a high dexterity" or it's equivilent.

What I love is the ability to codify different concepts of characters. A while ago I bought the Hero system character creator version 3. A long while ago now. Before I even started this blog. Do you know how many characters I made? Over 100.

I made up over 100 characters, probably 90 of them unique (there were a few who had a couple of characters who had more then one stat sheet, for various reasons) including: Back story, motivation, powers, personality and appearance.

I love just making up characters, and give them some type of permanency through a series of numbers defining who they are in a sense of physical (and sometimes social) interaction.

I recently downloaded an excel spreadsheet, that was incredibly designed (thank you, Adam Kent) allowing me to make Star Wars Saga edition RPG characters. They need to use this in the sequal to Knights of the Old Republic (I don't count the upcoming MMO). (EDIT: Since a couple of people have gotten here through google searches looking for this excel sheet, I went back and found where I downloaded it from. Here.)

This works against me sometimes. I love the Heavy Gear system (named Silhouette, used in a variety of gaming systems) from what I've read of second edition. However there are no computer programs to allow you to make characters OR vehicles in it (and it has the best vehicles creation system in a game I've ever seen. And I've seen a reasonable number of RPG systems) available on the internet.

If it had those programs, I would rant and rave about it for MONTHS. But I just. Can't. Find. Them.

I'm tempted to write my own excel spreadsheet about it all.

Yeah, I can't do it.


*In Roleplaying terms, a Munchkin is someone who ignores all attempts at 'story' and character development in order to 'win' and make the most powerful character possible.


P.S.
A quote for future reference that I must keep hold of. The law of comedy threes.
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me a third time, COMEDY."
- ANt (all capitalisation is deliberate)

Apologies to the Heinlein estate

I do not like Jane Austen's writing.
A) Books based around a social scene I have no interest in
B) Books based around a type of plot I have no interest in
C) Books based about a period of history I have no interest in
D) Books written within a cultural period I majoritively disagree with
E) Books focusing on heroines I find annoying and useless.

A+B+C+D+E = X
X = I'd rather read Discworld.

• 98. I am now a Postgraduate student, studying my Honours in Sociology (with luck) specialising in the difference between normal social interaction and internet based social interaction.

I must beg some forgiveness here. Some of you (longer term readers then others) will know I recently read Starship Troopers. Some of you will also know I was highly critical about the book (I believe I stated the phrase "I prefer the movie. At least the movie is fun, and only takes 90 minutes of your life"), resigning it to somewhere between facist state propoganda and the worst example of Strawman politics since... well recent periods of political bickering, really, but still a pretty damn bad example. The book just seemed like the author was trying to convince us this would be an infinitely preferable society to live in.

However, I recently read up more about Heinlein's past, personality and writing style.

While you couldn't pay me to read another one of his books, he actually seems like a decent person, and nothing like someone who honestly believes criminal offenses should be punished with a public flogging. From what I've read, he genuinely seems like a nice guy.

According to TVtropes.org (tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RobertAHeinlein), he "loaned Philip K, Dick money when he was having trouble with the IRS, and phoned him to cheer him up when he was ill - despite never having met him in person before that point. Also, Heinlein and Dick had diametrically opposite views. On virtually everything." Not to mention other bits mentioned.

Reading through more of his catalogue, he doesn't seem like the type of person to buy into a millitary fantasy-world where everything is awesome because the army is great.

So, for my previous overly harsh sentiments to Robert Heinlein, I apologise.




You still couldn't pay me to fucking read Starship Troopers again.

Bag. Random, Bag.

"Growing old is a requirement. Growing up is optional"
- Bob Monkhouse (Voice of Mr Hell, among other things)

• 97. I cannot wear hats. My head is too big.

Hooray for random bags. They mean I get to just reference things instead of be required to bring about insightful commentary.


1. http://arbesman.net/milkyway/
If you do not find that amazingly awesome, you and I are on two. Different. Wavelengths. I will find SOME way to use this map in actual things.

2. Now I want to see this movie. I know it isn't real. MAKE IT REAL.





3. Flavour fail (hosted by failblog.org)


see more pwn and owned pictures

4. Three tropes I wish to share, because they are awesome.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/VetinariParadox

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MagnificentBastard

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CrazyAwesome

Read, enjoy, and try not to get sucked into the site. Happened to me once. I didn't resurface for 28 hours. And that's because I realised I needed to go to the bathroom.

Jar Jar, you're a Genius

One day I wish to meet Brian Blessed (google him). I am going to walk up to him, tell him how much of a fan I am of his work and wish him all the best for the future. Then I am going to ask him to tell me in a loud voice, to "LEAVE THIS PLACE, AND NEVER RETURN UPON PAIN OF DEATH" with as much ham as he could manage. On that day I will be happy with myself. It'd be as awesome as getting Billy Connelly to tell you to F*** off.

• 96. I'm in love. http://revolution21days.blogspot.com. Info on the inside workings of hollywood AND gorgeous? My dear Scriptgirl, I'm never gonna give you up, let you down, run around or, yes, even hurt you.

In my love of furthering internet 'things', I prefer "Jar Jar, you're a genius".

First uttered in the webcomic "Darths and Droids" (http://www.darthsanddroids.net/) (which works in a similar vein to "DM of the rings" (http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?cat=14), by having gamers roleplay out movies), it amazed the authors by becoming the ONLY website on the entire internet that came up when you googled that phrase.

Since then it's been used by spambots for some nefarious purpose unknown, but some bloggers are keeping it alive.

"I think we owe it to the world to sustain and propagate this insanity. So if you haven't done it yet, go to Google and search for "Jar Jar, you're a genius" (with the quotes). Mention the phenomenon in your blog and encourage other people to Google for the term. Make posters proclaiming Jar Jar's genius and stick them up all over town. (If anyone actually does this, send us photos and we'll show them off!)"
(Words apparently quoted from the webcomic creators, on the blog http://revolution21days.blogspot.com)

So, ladies and gentlemen, repeat after me.

"Jar Jar, you're a genius".

Class dismissed.

Decepticorps

Yesterday I read a comic panel scan with the line "You've got to get out of here! Your vagina is haunted!"

That line wins on so many levels. Perhaps the best one being "... Wait, is she supposed to run away from her own lady-bits?"

• 95. I'm not very religious. By that I mean I put Jedi down on my census form. A while back I undertook an online test of how your religious views fare logically, and the Force actually does pretty good. The only place it falls down is in that the force doesn't really have a moral code. It just has two sides, one we prescribe as "good", one we prescribe as "evil".

TO: Decepticon forces
FROM: HR dep.
RE: A few small things

Just sending out this memo letting staff know of a couple of upcoming events and some concerns from the "higher ups".

1. The picnic is still schedualed for this Saturday, and while you're not EXPECTED to come, it would be wonderful if everyone could make it. We do have plans for another attempt to siphon off Earth's natural resources into it's generic Energon form this Wednesday, but by the weekend you should all be in tip-top shape again (and if things go according to plan, alot more Energon wealthy!)

2. There are some mutterings from CERTAIN individuals (not accusing anyone) that perhaps one or two other individuals in the group could lead better then Megatron (almighty ruler of the Decepticons, lord of Cybertron and destroyer of the weakling Autobots). While the Decepticon ranks are quite open, with a very fluent command structure, we do like to keep a team spirit going here. There's no 'I' in Team fellows, and you can't find 'Me' in Decepticon and Megatron (almighty ruler of the Decepticons, lord of Cybertron and destroyer of the weakling Autobots) can't shoot his own gun.

If you have concerns about your current leadership, direct it to the relevant department heads or their delegated representative (Shockwave for the Cybertron branch, and Soundwave for the Earth branch).

3. HR and Megatron (almighty ruler of the Decepticons, lord of Cybertron and destroyer of the weakling Autobots) both appreciate solidarity among you all, and would like to help deal with any concerns you have about your subsection leader. We do occasionally hear things from the Air Wing of our forces, and would like to remind everyone that Megatron (almighty ruler of the Decepticons, lord of Cybertron and destroyer of the weakling Autobots) has the fullest confidence in Air Commander Starscream. However, if you do have more complaints to add to the file, just email them to us and we'll review them along with the others.

4. After a review of our internal policy, we've decided that gestalt robot teams (those under paycode 11-A) such as the Constructicons and Stunticons will only be only paid for their individual members, and not the team as a whole in addition to those individuals. Sorry folks! I argued for this one, as well.

5. We want to remind everyone that just because some members of our group may be entirely unable to speak any language understandable by our audio sensors, doesn't mean you can pick on them. Ravage, Ratbat and Lazerbeak have noticed an increase in 'ribbing' around the workplace (or at least that's what we think they said). This goes just as much for some of the 'lesser able' employees. Trypticon may not have a degree, but he has just as much right to enjoy himself at the workplace as any of us.

6. Here among the Decepticons we believe in Motivation. Though recently we have been getting some reports of de-motivating activity, such as name-calling and the like. Megatron (almighty ruler of the Decepticons, lord of Cybertron and destroyer of the weakling Autobots) would like to remind everyone that when he calls people 'fools' he doesn't really mean it, and is just under alot of pressure, and with that in mind would like to encourage people to treat their fellows with respect. It may SOUND like Megatron (almighty ruler of the Decepticons, lord of Cybertron and destroyer of the weakling Autobots) and Starscream don't get along, but really, why else would Starscream be head of the Aerial wing for so long if that were the case?

7. Above all, do remember that while we are 'work', that doesn't mean you can't have fun!



Swindle

Decepticon H.R. Dept. & Bruticus Right Leg.

Non-nerdy - Weight loss

Two men are in a bar, one of them goes to light a cigarette, but his lighter won't start. He walks up to the second man who already has a lit cigarette, a distinguished gentleman in his late 40s, and says "Excuse me, but can I have a light?"
"No."
"No? Why not?"
"Because if I give you a light, we'll probably start talking, and I'll probably order you a drink. You'll sit down, we'll continue talking, and find ourselves getting along remarkably well. After a while of this you say you should be going, you need to get something to eat. I'll mention I have a roast in the oven waiting for my return, and you'll come home with me. We'll eat dinner, open a bottle of wine, relax and have an enjoyable evening. About that time you'll realise how late it is, too late to catch a cab home reasonably, and I'll offer to let you stay in the spare room. My beautiful daughter is 23 and recently returned home from University, she is also staying in the spare room. Your eyes will meet and you two will fall madly in love, and you will make love to her while I am upstairs. You will get her pregnant, after which you will refuse to marry her, causing immense damage to her life."
"But I will! I will marry her!"
"No you won't, because I won't give you a light."
- Dave Allen (Paraphrased)

• 94. I used to think of myself as a bit of a loner. I've recently realised how wrong this is. If I don't have regular social contact with people, either over the internet or face to face (preferably with alcohol in hand) then I begin to go a bit loony.

I find this hilarious. I am of a reasonably large build, and for that reason I have, over the past few months, adopted an exercise program. It consists of an exercise bike and some weights, with occasional (when I remember) sit ups thrown in. There has been a visible improvement, and comparing me to my graduation photo, taken about 4-5 months ago (the precise date is on this blog somewhere) shows there is visible change for the better.

Yesterday I jumped on the scales to see how much difference there actually is.

I am 3 kilograms (approximately six and a half pounds) lighter. Precisely. 3 kilograms after 4-5 months work.

I find this hilarious. I KNOW I've improved, I can feel a scary amount of muscle in places it wasn't before ("Oh, I didn't know there was meant to be a lump there. Wow!"), and I can see and feel the difference. I know I have lost fat and replaced it with a degree of muscle. All this combines to mean I find it hilarious that after months of work I've lost 3 kilo.

I have told this to about four people as a joke. Every single one of them has responded in a similar manner.

"It's a start."
"Slow and steady is the way to go, mate."
ETC.

I understand and appreciate why they are doing this, trying to encourage me in case I'm getting a bit down about it all. But c'mon, surely SOMEONE else in the world would notice I was grinning as I said it (I'll admit this part is difficult over MSN) and laugh.

I get to say "In my nearly 6 months of exercise, I have lost 3 kilograms".

Someone else, laugh!

Running low on the funny

See below

• 93. In games, other people may be completionists, power-desirers ,realism cravers, or even Along-for-the-riders, I'm an Aestheticist. I don't mean things have to look incredibly stunningly gorgeous. I just mean they have to look cool. There are better graphics then Rome: Total War, but I was jaw-dropped when I first watched 100 Cavalry-men charge into the rear of unsuspecting Spearmen. It just looked awesome.

Short post today about a struggle I'm enduring with this blog.

As long-time readers know, there are three constants in nearly every post.

1. The English Language

2. Opening with a joke (which used to be an NSS)

3. One of the "100 facts about me", which will be finished in a bit over a week, at a guess.


I am running out of funny things. I know most of them weren't that amusing to start with, but now I have... nothin'. I need quick "heh" funnies, rather then long "Ha ha ha!" funnies, and I just can't come up with them.

All the NSS' I come up with are ridiculous nowdays, I've used up all my best (though they went for a LONG time, so I'm proud of that).

And after I ran out of those, I started coming up with weak jokes, quoting actual commedian's good ones (and listing the name, of course. If Uni has taught me anything, it's "Reference, you bastard") and occasionally quoting people I know.

But I have run out. I have no more funny I can think of.

Gah! I need to read some bad joke books, or something.

Spiderman's webbing makes no sense

World of Warcraft and Zombies are probably two of my least favourite things. To that end, someone sent me this video today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjMiDZIY1bM&eurl=http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=logo

• 92. I am ashamed I am so geeky that this even qualifies as a post for me. That is a genuine fact about myself.

Warning, this post is going to get very, VERY nerdy. Like, REALLY nerdy. We're talking "If Wolverine fought Spiderman who would win?" nerdy. I know, I'm ashamed of myself. I find myself questioning science facts, I should repeat to myself it's just a comic, I should really just relax (double points to people who get the reference) but this just has been bothering me. Maybe someone can explain it.

Spiderman's webshooting annoys me.

I'm no physicist, I don't know the precise characteristics of proportionally sized spider-web, but something about Spiderman's webbing around town has just annoyed me. Consider this, replent with badly designed diagrams.

This is an out-of-scale Spiderman swinging through a strangely sparce New York City street, from behind. We see him swinging away from the camera, towards the horizon. He has found himself in the middle of the road swinging off into the distance.

In his swinging, he does what he often does and attaches a strand of web to a building off to his right, in front of him. The approximate dimensions of the line are 64x50 (generic length measurement units), so it's 62^2 x 50^2 = (Square root). Roughly rounded, it's 80 (generic length measurements) long. The point his line is attached to is 275 (approx) GLM's off the ground.

Now I want you all to do something for me.

Now consider this. Take a line of anything (string, whatever) and hold one end against the wall, pull the other end away from the wall so it's at a diagonal angle to it, then pull it in one direction parralel to the wall, then release it. The line will fall straight towards the wall. Even if you provide it with some thrust along the parrallel of the wall, it will only move a short distance before physics pulls it down towards the wall it's held to.

But then surely before Spiderman hits the wall, he'll web onto the street opposite, right? That's what I thought at first, then I realised something. On our inferior-two-dimensional-attempted-representational-of-a-three-dimensional-problem (which I'll trademark as ITDAROATDP, or It 'da ro at DP, if you want it phoenetically) I want you to look at something. In being drawn down to the ground, Spiderman is now FURTHER away from the street opposite, and a longer strand of webbing (probably 120 GLM) is needed to attach, which means he'll just drop closer to the ground.

The trouble with Spiderman's "swinging" is that it ignores one of the primary factors in swinging. When you swing, you hit a lowest point, and then go up. In this going up, you can swing from the point you end at, onto another arc. But the lowest point on Spiderman's webbing arcs are, in fact, a brick wall. Literally. So he needs to swing before he's gone past the lowest point up onto a high point again, meaning he's constantly "re-swinging" from a lower point each time he does it.

There are only two ways I can see it even vaguely working.

1. If Spiderman manages to maintain his vertical height by swinging in a horizontal manner, where he does not approach the ground at the furthest point of his swinging, but to maintain this in a manner countering gravity he would have to swing so fast it would be... quite scary.

2. If the web shooters Spiderman used manages to keep him on a vaguely normal vertical height by 'retracting' the web as it's used. That way he just has to keep swinging before what would be the apex to avoid the buildings, but otherwise his distance from the ground is secure. Never heard any mention of this anywhere. The webbing is meant to be elastic-like, but even then that'd just dip it further to the ground as it stretched, rather then pulling him up.

Holy shit, I cannot believe how nerdy I have been.

I need to go watch some sports, drink beer, and optically fondle attractive women just to be allowed to retain my testosterone.

'Realistic' giant robots

You get no joke today.

• 91. In real life, I am a very laid back person. The only times I really get excited are when things that aren't real are being discussed, such as fictional gaming universes. The real world just doesn't excite me as much. If anything I am too laid back.

I may have discussed this before, but I'm gonna do so again, because I like the sound of my keyboard going 'clackity clack'.

I do love me some giant robot blowing-up action. Get huge (vaguely-)humanoid robots blowing the crap out of things, and I'm content. One of the things that buggers it up for me is just how ridiculous the concept is, generally. Because, let's face it, Giant robots that are combat effective are completely impossible under current scientific capabilities, and that is unlikely to change.

They would require an enormous amount more maintenance then normal millitary machines (probably from a specialist because of their unique movement systems) because of the complexities of the systems required for them just to MOVE, which is a strike against them compared to the (relatively) more simple treads of tanks or wheels of wheeled vehicles.

In a relatively flat battlefield (not enormously mountainous or anything) the giant robot is even more useless. Unlike most vehicles, the giant robot's largest dimension is height, rendering it an enormously visible target unable to utilise most forms of cover. The only exception to this would be if technology was so far advanced the giant robot had the capability to move like a normal person does, which in itself is unlikely.

These are all (hopefully) valid complaints about giant robots which ache in my heart, mind, and loins (I like giant robots THAT MUCH). But there is one RPG/Wargaming system that actually works around these complaints.

In the Heavy Gear universe (created by Dream Pod 9 and using the Silhouette rule system) most of these problems are addressed.

The Robots are about three meters tall, and fill in the roll in between infantry and tanks. They're more versatile and faster then the heavy vehicles, and can both take and dish out more punishment then infantry. The areas they fight in are usually deserts (rocky and/or sandy), meaning heavier vehicles often have difficulties in areas the humanoid 'Gears' (the name of the robots) can manouver easily. In addition, the humanoid configuration they use includes hands, allowing them to swap out their handheld weaponry as needed, rendering them more versatile still. There's a bit of Jedi-Mind-Trick with the maintenance problem ("It's in the future, the tech is more reliable"), but that's forgivable, I think.

In general, I am a major fan of this setting. It's even got a reason air superiority isn't a major factor anymore. With the advent of (somewhat expensive) millitary grade lasers, planes became too risky. It doesn't matter how agile a craft is if they're being shot at by something the speed of light. And few planes can mount the required armour to protect against this sort of assault.

By including Giant(-ish) Robots in a system in which they are an important part of millitary, but not the most powerful part (in a standing fight with tanks, the only advantage Gears have comes from their manouverability, tanks have them out-gunned and out-armoured) it both seems more reasonable, and gives a genuine sense of danger to the Robots. Unlike in Battletech or Armoured Core where 'Mechs/ACs were the be-all and end-all of all forms of combat, in Heavy Gear they need to be used along with a combined arms millitary force to be truly effective.

Look up Heavy Gear. It's a good setting, and the Silhouette ruleset seems pretty impressive for RPGs or Wargaming, allowing a combination of them both.

Why are the stupid people on MY Interwebs?

"I'm going to become rich and famous when I invent a way to stab people in the face over the internet"
Anonymous - www.bash.org

While typing in my friend Anson's name in my phone, predictive text gave me two options before going to the name I had to program in myself. "Bosom" and "Cosmo". That is the GREATEST PORN NAME EVER.

• 90. The reason I enjoy RPGs so much over other games is the potential for customisation. Character customisation is a must. I need to be able to alter nearly everything about the character, so I can play as many different possible characters as I am able. The more I can customise about the game world, the better.

Ladies and gentlemen, I wish to complain about something.

"You!?" I hear your Socratic-dialogue-equivilent (AKA potentially imaginary person used in a literary form to take the position of the Devil's Advocate in the arguement, for the purpose of being outwitted verbally and arguementatively and so to make the reader think an arguement must be irrefutable) cry out in shock and surprise, "but you're always so level headed and uncomplainative!"

After I point out that 'uncomplainative' isn't a word (thus increasing your opinion of me, thinking how clever and intelligent I must be) I then go on to say that yes, I must indeed complain.

I have long held to the theory that as a given population (of any group, nations, social clubs, internet forums, etc) grows, the visible moron population grows exponentially. Note I say VISIBLE, in all likelihood the moron population grows in a linear fashion, but among morons there is a higher chance of them making themselves visible. This results in the morons of the world being a more vocal group, and being more likely to speak up when the option to speak up is present, while intelligent people are more likely to choose to remain quiet. I believe this is the reason many foreign countries have a negative view of America. Have a population of 200 million, and there will be ALOT of visible morons. But I digress.

This problem is at its most evident in the medium you indulge in now (I mean the Internet, not blogging. Hopefully I am not one of those verbose morons). On the internet the fool speaks up and asks stupid questions where the normal person reads and enjoys. Among smaller communities the fool is less likely to be welcomed and so will move on, restricting the growth of that particular group in that community. But among larger communities their growth is unrestricted, and the inability to effectively chastise them for being idiots (Gabe's internet anonymity theory plays out here) results in their moronitude flourishing.

("But Steve" the Socratic Dialogue personification cries, "moronitude isn't a word, and you chastised use for using incorrect linguistics!" I ignore you, making you feel like your complaint is petty. You all bow down and worship how awesome I and my arguements are.)

Let us look at where I personally encounter this most. Youtube.

Go to Random Youtube videos, and sooner or later you will encounter them. They spout contradictory messages such as "this suks ive done beter videos chek em out but hey this is pretty good", or asking ridiculously obvious questions such as "what song is this" when the song is named in the description, in the video, and several times in the comments.

And then there are the ever popular insult posts. These continue in a self perpetuating cycle of two people who disagree accusing each other of being homosexual in a derrogatory manner (if you're really lucky, they're even accusing each other of being African American in a derrogatory manner). These continue on for a while before one party loses interest (possibly distracted by a shiney object, or dragged away from the computer to return to learning basic spelling and social skills), but usually by that point someone else has waded in telling them both to shut up and commiting the same stupid insult attempts as both of them did.

Thank you for letting me vent on this subject.

Half-asked random bag

You're lucky you get a post at all today. Pizza's on the way!

• 89. Lazy. I am lazy. I may have said this already, but that involves checking an archive of the last 88 posts, and I'm too lazy.

I've been lazy lately in many respects. Haven't been updating this thing, haven't been doing my exercises, haven't been writing, haven't even been keeping up with the webcomics I read (which is a sign of genuine laziness, when you don't even have the energy to click a link).

Two things to discuss today.

MICROTRANSACTIONS!!

A common concept in a particular brand of MMOs (most of the non-'mainstream' ones), it is currently branching out into other gaming things.

Today I checked out the PSstore. I had recently borrowed Soul Calibur 4 from a friend (amusing game. I kick EVERYONE'S ace with the fencing style), and had a look-see at what was on offer on the store, expecting a free download or two. EVERYTHING there cost $1.75 (American, presumably) and consisted of a few music tracks or equipment pieces. There were about 20-30 things you could download. That is quite ridiculous, the prospect of spending up to $40 on a bunch of little thingies. But, I have to admit, part of me was tempted. If I had money on the PSstore account, I probably would've googled those costume packs to work out which ones were worth getting, and grabbed them.

This is hardly a new things, even in Western style games. City of Heroes (which fell flat on it's face in it's Asian launch) has had a few microtransaction packs put out. These gave the players new emotes and costume options, and that's all, and people (including myself, back when I played the game) paid $7 for them. It's minimal work for the programers and designers, but not a bad little profit, if the game is popular enough.


Second thing

WIKIPERTS

What is this? It sounds lewd, rude, and possibly unhygenic. No, it's just a term I made up then to discuss people who read about things on Wikipedia and become experts. Everyone'e encountered them, mostly they're just irritating. But now I've got one in my own house.

My brother is currently playing Fallout 3 (a fun game, once I've finished twice and have a third game ongoing in), and is convinced he's amazingly awesome in the game. This claim (one he makes in many games) is somewhat ruined by the fact he plays all games on Easy or less difficulty. But I digress.

As he often does when he has a new game he plays, he becomes a tad obsessed with it. For this, he looked up "Fallout 3 Wiki" in google, and found the Fallout 3 Wikipedia site (not the entry, the SITE, a whole wiki about the game). He looked up various things he hadn't yet gotten to in the game, somewhat ruining it in my view, but to each their own.

Those of you who have not yet played the game but wish to, or are playing the game but haven't finished, ignore the next paragraph.



At one point in the game you get someone on your team called Fawkes. Fawkes is a Supermutant, which are traditionally 9 foot tall bulges of muscles and rage equipped with guns and clubs. They all look very male and very creepy/intimidating, and Fawkes is no different in that respect. What is different is that Fawkes is an intelligent, sympathetic being. When you encounter Fawkes one of your first thoughts is "Giant broad shouldered muscle-bound male brute with a guy name and a guy voice actor. Must be a guy". It's a simple assumption made of the fact before you, and one many people make (similar) conclusions every day. But Fawkes, to further the tragedy of the story, is (possibly) originally a woman. All people, male or female, turn into the 'male-looking' Supermutants when transformed. And since my Brother read the Wikipedia page about Fawkes before he ever encountered the loveable piece of tank, he now INSISTS on refering to him/her as a 'she'. The real irony? When he originally read it, the wikipedia page asserted Fawkes was female. Since he read it, someone updated it with an arguement as to why it is impossible to tell if Fawkes is male or female. Yet he constantly corrects me whenever I refer to 'him'.




There, monstaragraph finished.

Right, post over. You may now resume your normal lives. See you all day after tomorrow (since I'm lazy, and tomorrow from 2pm onwards is drinky-drinky time).

Worlds.com = Selfishness

A semi-serious statement. If you are going to brag consistantly about how awesome you are at a game, going on about how much better you are then other people (E.G. myself), please, PLEASE, shut up unless you play the game on something other then "Very easy".

• 88. I am finally beginning to run low on "100 facts about myself". I hate Australian 50c pieces. They're too bulky, take up too much room in the wallet.

http://www.massively.com/2008/12/29/worlds-com-files-suit-against-ncsoft-for-patent-infringement/

http://www.massively.com/2008/12/30/the-patent-that-stole-christmas/

If you're a nerd, by now you no doubt have heard about this. Normally I try to avoid tackling the more serious factors of nerdom, but this needs a friggin' look-see.

Worlds.com have filed patents for "Scalable virtual world client-server chat system" and "System and method for enabling users to interact in a virtual space". For those of you who do not know what this means, it refers to EVERY method of chatting that occurs in a graphically created environment. Things like YIM or AIM will be safe, but World of Warcraft, City of Heroes, or any other MMO are potentially at risk.

Potentially? They ARE at risk. NCsoft, the owner of City of Heroes, has now got a suit filed against them.

As the second link I posted states, they need some kind of ruling that their patent is valid before they law suit begins in earnest. However, seeing as the patent was approved in the first god-damned place, it doesn't seem impossible to imagine it getting past that stage. The patent was allowed through, simply, because it was decided by someone who DID NOT KNOW WHAT THEY WERE APPROVING. I can't imagine this being any different in the courts. Once the patent is approved by the courts, however, it has genuine legal heft, and it won't look good for NCSoft.

I just did some reading up about "Worlds.com" and what they offer. It is sadly inadequate for anything other then "A chat browser with pictures". What they are doing now is, unfortunately, a sad reflection on them as people. This is not a patent anyone with any knowledge of 'virtual worlds' could have entered innocently. I can see no alternative but it being an entirely calculated move. We all know there are a group of businessmen(/women) within the business world who are after any sneaky trick to make money at the expense of others (the only difference is that some people think this group is larger or smaller then other people think).

At no point could this patent and then lawsuit have been filed for the purpose of "protecting intellectual property", it was entirely devised as a money-making scheme at the expense of the customer.

I can only think of one possible good aspect of this. If we're lucky, there will be some inter-company co-operation. I would not be surprised if Blizzard and one or two other big MMO companies assisted with NCsoft's legal fees. After all, once it's hit NCsoft, they're ALL potential targets, and I doubt Worlds.com will stop there.