Maybe if I dress more provocatively the boys will like me more.

... and then these three men walk into a bar. I was about to laugh, but then I realised they'd all suffered quite serious concussions and were unconscious, so I had to run over, call the ambulance and wait until it arrived, to make sure they were ok. It's not funny. One of them didn't wake up for three weeks.

• 2. I am a firm advocate of 'style over substance'. If you're going to do something, do it with flair.

First, something no one wants to see, but I will throw at you anyway. They are making a straight-to-DVD Ace Ventura 3, without Jim Carrey. Instead they have the 'son of Ace', who waddles.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i01T05x1hjc
Laugh, feel bad about laughing, then realise this kid is probably a stuck up child actor and laugh again, knowing he deserves your scorn.

So, onto the meat of the post (scanty though it will be).

My initial thought for this blog was it would be a barely-looked-at blog, devoid of attention in which I could throw my thoughts for the day on in a mentally relaxing manner and occasionally get feedback when someone stumbles across it or someone I know is directed to it.

Well screw that. I want an audience. I desire for people I've never met to be clamouring to hear about more of my 'wacky adventures' ("Today I had an eclair" "O M G!!!"). And so I am charging you, my readers, with a duty. Well, I say charging you with a duty, more asking for a favour. Well, not even really asking for a favour, since that implies you'll be letting me down if you don't do it, more saying "it would be cool if you did this". Well not even that, really, since you could make some absolute ARSE read the blog and start flaming it for being the work of a moron, or something, more just something you may happen to do if the situation and audience are appropriate, but don't go out of your way for it.

YOUR ORDERS (should you choose to accept them) are to tell people about this blog. This marks my 34th post, and I figure I'm going to be updating this often enough that it'll be a semi permanent thing. In ten years you'll be reading about my wacky adventures with the casting director of the latest blockbuster I wrote, and how easy is it for them to pressure aspiring young actress' into a threesome*.

So, go, spread the word, be viral. I shall stand up and speak for the geek who doesn't stand out.

For the Geek shall inherit the Earth.

Well, not the geek-who-doesn't-stand-out, really. He's likely to just be taken along for the ride by his more successful friend 'The geek with marketable skills'. But indeed, GWDSO shall be there.

*Everyone's heard about how corrupt and den-of-vice-like Hollywood is, I really hope I get there so I can snort sugar off a stripper's chest (since I'll be a writer, so I don't get actual cocaine or hookers, I won't be able to afford it). It'd be a real disappointment if they all turned out to be goody-two-shoes.

"Woo! Everyone celebrate the movie finishing at the wrap party! Alright! I brought a keg!"
"That's wonderful Stephen, but we were all just planning a quick prayer session then going to bed for an early, sensible night."
"Mother fu-"