- Billy Connelly, comedic genius
- 43. It is my fondest desire to start a social trend. For ages I tried to get people to actually say "Station" like in Bill and Ted II. Now I've given up on that, and I'm going to try and get people saying "count" instead of "F**k", in tune with this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AXPnH0C9UA
A while ago I was watching the Robot Chicken Star Wars episode with commentary. There were no less then six different commentary tracks for the 30 minute episode, and I listened to them all (I was bored that day). At the end of the episode two of the writers listed their email addresses, saying "If anyone has listened to this whole thing, shoot us an email.
So I did.
Here is the email, with a few bits ommited for privacy reasons:
"Dude 1 and dude 2, I just watched the SW episode with every single commentary. As instructed, here is the email you asked for.I'd take you up on that drink, but I'm Australian, and as such incapable of waiting the day or so long flight to get to the US for alcohol.
And just so you know, here is a brief overview of a day in the life of a commentary watcher/listener/(verb)er/nerd.
11:00 am: Wake up (optional: Recover from hangover), ponder trying for a job now that I've been out of University for 5 months.
11:30 am: Dismiss thought of job, comfort myself with hope of getting into Honours in Sociology next year.
12:00 : Go to DVD collection for something to do, realise for the hundreth time I've watched every, single, counting one of my DVDs already.
12:05 pm: Have brainwave of watching a DVD with commentary.
12:06 pm: Realise I've watched all my DVDs with commentary already.
12:15 pm: Give up. Put on a DVD I've already seen so there's something in the background while I vainly try to write something worth writing.
2:00 pm: Scream wordlessly at Brett Ratner's commentary after he says the only reason he allowed an exposition scene in Rush Hour 2 is because it involves a woman in lingerie.
3:50 pm: Lose faith in humanity after Ridley Scott says "I didn't bother following the advice of our historical advisers, because THEY weren't there, they don't know what it was like in Ancient Rome."
5:00 pm: Bang head on desk after the amazingly bad editing of two seperate Oceans 11 commentaries (one with Brad Pitt, the other with Matt Damon and Andy Garcia) into one commentary involves Brad Pitt and Andy Garcia both telling the same story at different times.
7:00 pm: Have an immense desire to surrender my anal virginity to Edward Norton after listening to the Fight Club commentary. And I'm not even INTO dudes, myself.
9:00 pm: Decide that if I can write something worth being produced, I can get onto a commentary and finally make a commentary worth listening to
9:05 pm: Realise that would involve getting what I'm writing produced, and give up.
9:30 pm: Wonder in amazement for the upteenth time at the fact the black werewolf in Underworld isn't actually putting on a voice. That's just what he sounds like....
Man. There is little more depressing then seeing my life summarised in 13 daily steps. I'm gonna go drown myself in alcohol and the Anchorman commentary. 'Tis like a movie in and of itself.
P.S. Let Hugh Sterbakov know I got through the commentaries not with the aid of drugs, but through force of will, sheer boredom, and because nothing impresses the ladies more then being able to say you've watched several hundred hours worth of DVDs.
Yeah, ok. That last bit is a lie."
And here is the reply I received from (with the reply to the private bits omited):
"That is a very funny and clever email. Thanks for watching. I think your sense of humor will certainly land you with produced work in the future and I have no doubt someday, someone like you will be listening to your DVD commentary."
Look out world. One day you shall be listening to MY nasally voice on your DVD, talking over Brad Pitt telling you how he screwed up his line that day, much to the hilarity of the crew.
2 comments:
Google Alerts are a wonderful thing. Consider Hugh alerted. Although those inconsiderate bastards would never have conveyed that message for you.
I'm really impressed that you could get through the whole thing without any kind of medicinal aid-- I think you're a world-class iron man of attention span.
Now I'm just left to feel apologetic for not offering something more entertaining, ha ha.
I would repeat the comment I made when I found out someone who's actually a successful writer has commented on my whiney "I wanna be a writer blog, thinly disguised as a commentary on modern nerd culture" blog, but the comment was blasphemous, rude, homoerotic, and illegal in nine different countries.
I'm a Star Wars nerd, the jokes were hilarious, and the commentaries were pretty amusing, so it was easy enough. Only commentaries I've ever struggled with are the ones where they've edited together about six different individual commentaries. It just sounds so lonely when people make a joke, and no one laughs.
And 'pfft' to the guilt of not offering entertainment. It's all good mate. I'll just use it in the future to unsuccessfully try and guilt you into reading over the stuff I write.
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