The rules of the 'net-name'.

Three bars walk into a man. The pressure of having three enormous buildings crammed with patrons inside the frail mortal body caused him to explode violently, the shrapnel of his shattered bones destroying three nearby peach stands.

• 35. I lost religion in my life when, at a young age, I asked my scripture teacher if Aliens believed in god. I was told to stop being a stupid child asking stupid questions. From that day on they lost me. It wasn't until many years later I actually came up with any kind of logical reason not to be religious.

I was thinking about making an in-depth sociological examination of the conception of the Internet Alias (shorthand 'net name'. I just made that up). But then I encountered a problem.

Strictly speaking: There aren't any. I've gone by a LARGE number of net-names in the past, abandoning and taking up new ones I think will be accepted whever I go, but there are just as many people who go by the same name forever, or use their actual name (freaks).

Some names mean something (Nerdgasm is a portmandu of Nerd and Orgasm, implying getting EXTREME pleasure from nerdy things), while others are just high school nicknames carried on, while others still mean nothing (Zendulo (the alias of the girl of my dreams mentioned in this post (http://nerdgasm-unlimited.blogspot.com/2008/10/rare-species-spotted.html) doesn't seem to mean anything.)

For a while I went by the moniker 'The_Master' in my youthful forays onto the scary internet. Of course this led to many many jokes of "The Master Beta"

In general names seem to be completely random. Some very intelligent psychologist could likely analyse the individuals names a person choses, determining what it says about people (Nerdgasm = An unrestrained joy in nerdy things in life. The_Master = A desire for control of life. Etc etc), but in general I just think it's a case of stage fright. Being put on the world stage and told "Make up a name everyone will know you by" is a frightening thing. How the hell are you meant to react to that?

"You! Give us a name everyone you meet online will know you by!"

"Uh... Wait, I... Richard?"

"RICHARD IS TAKEN. CHOOSE AGAIN."

"Oh, crap, I... Super-Richard?"

"SUPER-RICHARD IS TAKEN. Our Databases tell us that in some locations, 'Dick' is a nickname for Richard. YOUR NAME IS SUPER-DICK."

"Hey, wait, I-!"

"SUPER-DICK HAS BEEN BANNED FOR HAVING AN OFFENSIVE NAME."



P.S. Check out Zendulo's videos at http://www.youtube.com/user/zendulo

P.P.S. Yeah, I used brackets inside brackets again. This is how I roll, yeah? ... I am so white.

P.P.P.S. I am actually qualified to make in depth sociological studies of things. I have a degree now. Man that sounds weird to say. Almost as weird of the photo of me receiving my degree from the Vice Dean, pushing out my stomach so you can see the Transformers belt I was wearing.