That line wins on so many levels. Perhaps the best one being "... Wait, is she supposed to run away from her own lady-bits?"
- 95. I'm not very religious. By that I mean I put Jedi down on my census form. A while back I undertook an online test of how your religious views fare logically, and the Force actually does pretty good. The only place it falls down is in that the force doesn't really have a moral code. It just has two sides, one we prescribe as "good", one we prescribe as "evil".
TO: Decepticon forces
FROM: HR dep.
RE: A few small things
Just sending out this memo letting staff know of a couple of upcoming events and some concerns from the "higher ups".
1. The picnic is still schedualed for this Saturday, and while you're not EXPECTED to come, it would be wonderful if everyone could make it. We do have plans for another attempt to siphon off Earth's natural resources into it's generic Energon form this Wednesday, but by the weekend you should all be in tip-top shape again (and if things go according to plan, alot more Energon wealthy!)
2. There are some mutterings from CERTAIN individuals (not accusing anyone) that perhaps one or two other individuals in the group could lead better then Megatron (almighty ruler of the Decepticons, lord of Cybertron and destroyer of the weakling Autobots). While the Decepticon ranks are quite open, with a very fluent command structure, we do like to keep a team spirit going here. There's no 'I' in Team fellows, and you can't find 'Me' in Decepticon and Megatron (almighty ruler of the Decepticons, lord of Cybertron and destroyer of the weakling Autobots) can't shoot his own gun.
If you have concerns about your current leadership, direct it to the relevant department heads or their delegated representative (Shockwave for the Cybertron branch, and Soundwave for the Earth branch).
3. HR and Megatron (almighty ruler of the Decepticons, lord of Cybertron and destroyer of the weakling Autobots) both appreciate solidarity among you all, and would like to help deal with any concerns you have about your subsection leader. We do occasionally hear things from the Air Wing of our forces, and would like to remind everyone that Megatron (almighty ruler of the Decepticons, lord of Cybertron and destroyer of the weakling Autobots) has the fullest confidence in Air Commander Starscream. However, if you do have more complaints to add to the file, just email them to us and we'll review them along with the others.
4. After a review of our internal policy, we've decided that gestalt robot teams (those under paycode 11-A) such as the Constructicons and Stunticons will only be only paid for their individual members, and not the team as a whole in addition to those individuals. Sorry folks! I argued for this one, as well.
5. We want to remind everyone that just because some members of our group may be entirely unable to speak any language understandable by our audio sensors, doesn't mean you can pick on them. Ravage, Ratbat and Lazerbeak have noticed an increase in 'ribbing' around the workplace (or at least that's what we think they said). This goes just as much for some of the 'lesser able' employees. Trypticon may not have a degree, but he has just as much right to enjoy himself at the workplace as any of us.
6. Here among the Decepticons we believe in Motivation. Though recently we have been getting some reports of de-motivating activity, such as name-calling and the like. Megatron (almighty ruler of the Decepticons, lord of Cybertron and destroyer of the weakling Autobots) would like to remind everyone that when he calls people 'fools' he doesn't really mean it, and is just under alot of pressure, and with that in mind would like to encourage people to treat their fellows with respect. It may SOUND like Megatron (almighty ruler of the Decepticons, lord of Cybertron and destroyer of the weakling Autobots) and Starscream don't get along, but really, why else would Starscream be head of the Aerial wing for so long if that were the case?
7. Above all, do remember that while we are 'work', that doesn't mean you can't have fun!
Swindle
Decepticon H.R. Dept. & Bruticus Right Leg.
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