Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The worst bit about fantasising about the most awesome game that could ever exist, is knowing it never will. Anyway, onto the blog post.


Let me say straight off the bat I rate the Ninja Turtles in the following order from coolest to least-cool.


1. Michelangelo

2. Donatello

3/4. Leonardo/Raphael.


I believe my reasons for this will become clear.


As all writers know (or should know) having characters all the exact same sucks, is dull, and bores the hell out of everyone. Ninja Turtles exemplifies why writers should strive for differences in their characters. Each of the turles exemplifies a different personality type, and the resulting conflicts between them (followed by the mending of bridges just in time to kick Shredder's acehole) works well as a narrative.


But really, this is a post about human-sized Turtles trained fiercely in various martial arts moves who use those abilities to fight evil, in a cartoon designed to sell toys. So examination of the narrative capacities of this falls flat in the face of GODDAMNED AWESOME.


Leonardo - The archetypical 'hero'. He takes responsibility for his actions and those of his allies, even if they won't, and functions as a guiding force for the group. This sense of responsibility, combined with his emphasis on "the right thing" leads him to be the most boring of the Turtles. Sure, theoretically he's the most heroic of them all, and usually the one who's "right" (in most arguements his apology at the end seems to be "I'm sorry I got angry with you for being so wrong, nob-head"), but... seriously, BORING.


Raphael - The bad boy. The one who punches first and gets angry at pretty easy to achieve provocation. He's passionate, firey and doesn't care what rules are broken in order to get a 'good' result. Underneath all his bad boy attitude lurks a heart of gold and a fierce loyalty to his friends. In other words, he's Wolverine. Raphael just strikes me as a moron, his style of doing anything gets on my pecs, and the number of times he's gotten into crap because he charges off alone and has to be saved by his brothers... you'd think he would've friggin' learnt by now.


Donatello - The smart one. In some media forms they overdo Donatello's "smart", making him an aspergas sufferer able to put together gadgets that would shame the bastard lovechild of McGuyver and Q. Other time he's "one of the boys", just as humourous as even Michelangelo, but with a bit more intelligence. While Raphael and Leonardo argue over leadership style, Michelangelo and Donatello sit back, watch and share a Pork Rind. He's good value, but a bit too "driven" for me.


Michelangelo - The laid back one, and the one whom it could be argued I've based my life around (sans the enormous shell and ninja skills). He's laid back, enjoys a joke, has a great time when he's off duty, and kicks shell when he's on duty. What more is there to say? Michelangelo is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and even that is up in the air (in Mickey's favour).


The thing that makes me most upset about doing this post?

I realised I'm no longer a Teenager. I'm older then the Turtles.

I'ma gonna go do old people things.