Your treasure from this quest is a bag of Random

I do not like shouting about my own calls or insults, but this one I am particularly proud of, and shall do so anyway.
"She's the Bronze Medal of trophy wives. No, that's not true. She's the certificate of participation, of trophy wives."

1. I don't get Halo or Half-life. Neither of them. I've played them and at least attempted sequals (played Half Life 2 at a friend's place, I refuse to install Steam). Halo was a solid FPS with nothing particularly amazing attached, and Half Life is apparently a "Paragon of storytelling", but basically is "stuff happens when science goes wrong!" mixed with "Evil Aliens from another dimension!"

Normally this isn't a problem, but I'm meant to be the jack of all nerds (at least that's what my claim to fame is). If the jack of all nerds doesn't like those series, what's the problem with either A) Me or B) The series?

To let you lot make your own mind up, here is my perspective on both sides.

HALO: Nameless, faceless, emotionless protagonist (let's be honest here, he barely talks and his backstory exists to make him a depth-less killing machine. He may be different in the novels, but in the games he's just... boring) fights off hordes of wacky looking aliens to save the world. Put that in a movie and it would be dull as Micheal Moore reading the phone book.

Even the Gameplay, it's principal claim to fame doesn't grab me. It does what it does solidly, but at no point is it really engrossing for me. The fact that they had to introduce a new character (the arbiter) to have some kind of characterisation in the games just annoys me. And the Fans then DISLIKED the Arbiter! These are people who never outgrew the "Faceless badarse = genuine character" stage of narratives.

Which brings me neatly around to what annoys me greatly about Halo. I am not one for disliking something merely because it's fans annoy me (ok, that's a lie, but run with it) but the hardcore Halo fans weird me out. I've listened in on people playing Halo online (supposedly where it shines), and it scared me. The 'average' vocal gamer (even taking into consideration my previously discussed exponential idiot growth rule) in that game is the sort of person I don't really enjoy associating with. I'm sure there are some exceptions, but I'm sure there are some socially enjoyable arsonists out there, but I still wouldn't invite them into my living room.

HALF LIFE: I don't care if you DO hang a lampshade on it (google that), having your protagonist be such an 'Everyman' that he NEVER FRIGGIN' SPEAKS is taking it too far. Shadey government types and oh-so evil alien empire (complete with put-upon minorities who don't actually dislike humanity) round out the generic cast. Again, the gameplay is solid and both seem to be immensely moddable (something I can only respect), but nothing grabbed me.

My dislike of Half-life isn't in the same league as Halo, but at no point has anything about the series struck me as "YOU MUST ENJOY THIS". At no point have I really cared about the plight of the main characters (although this could be a sign that I'm emotionally stunted, since I cheered when Aeris died) or the human race in general, in those games. So much of the game seemed to be "Hey, check out what we can do!" rather then attempting to expand anything about the game.

I will credit the Valve people with designing a reasonable game that many people will enjoy. I am not one of those people, and I sincerely doubt I will ever be one of those people.


2. I was going to put in something about my dislike of Warcraft stuff, but I've already done that in this blog. Even got a google hit from it.


3. Some of you may be familiar with Jack Chick (you can google him yourself, I refuse to link the bugger). Basically he's the epitome of strawman arguements and demonisation of the 'enemy'. Dungeons and Dragons leads to satanism, tolerance of homosexuality is the road to hell, etc etc. But you can find the saviour, and yada yada yada.

What I WILL link you to is something I found recently. This:
http://www.fredvanlente.com/cthulhutract/pages/index.html
The Lovecraftian equivilent.

I don't know about you lot, but I feel like Lovecraft's equivilent is much more convincing then Chick's weak nonsense.


4. I have decided to rectify a cardinal sin I've commited.

I, Stephen, THE NERDGASM, have never watched Robotech.

This shall be fixed.