Holiday time!

As you can see, I haven't updated as regularly as I should, as a responsible blogger.

Well, work has been busy, and now I'm going away for five days. So to tide you over, I am attempting something new. A stream of consciousness post. NOTHING in this post shall be edited, it shall simply flow from the previous, with the only editing allowed being fixing up spelling mistakes.

This could backfire immensely.

Recently I've begun replaying the two Knights of the Old Republic games side by side, comparing the two. Please, PLEASE Bioware, don't abandon the single-player KotOR series. This needs something else, something done genuinely RIGHT so it doesn't end on a sour note (KotOR2) leading into a big flat tuba 'blaart'. An odd analogy, I admit, but it fits with the 'note' comment.

I've already discussed parts of the reason I disliked Knights 2 in a previous post, so I won't go into it again, but... come on Bioware. And actually do it YOURSELF this time, don't just pass the job on to Obsidian entertainment like you do with all your sequels, leading to inferior products.

There is a train of thought here. RPG games that disappoint. Someone needs to tell Peter Molynew... Molynus... The guy who made the Sims and Fable, what precisely "open world" is. Open world, in a nutshell, means that when you play the game three or four times over, you should be able to get a genuinely different experience. And I don't mean "I married generic person 1 in game 1, and generic person 1 a bit later on in game 2", I mean GENUINELY different. Random events shaping things and making it nearly impossible to replay the same story twice, choices beyond "Pinnicle of goodness and awesomenarity" and "puppy-sodomiser" (that isn't going to help my current google search result problem, which I've explained in previous posts).

As a genuine offer, computer game companies of the world, put me in an office for three weeks straight with a word processor and a "How to write video game design documents" and I will deliver to you a design that, if implemented right, will make me ORGASM IN MY TROUSERS, and potentially sell very very well. Note I said orgasm there, not Nerdgasm. Nerdgasm's are extreme expressions of self enjoyment sans trouser-stain.

The word 'sans' is not used often enough. I try to slip it in where I can, but no one notices (or if they do they just think "he's trying to sound smart again"), but really the greatest use for this word possible is "sans trousers." Trouser, banana and cheese are the three most inherently funny words in the English language. Other words, such as Vulva, rely solely upon a simple premise in that you do not expect to hear those words, and that is their sole entertainment value. Trousers, banana and cheese are just inherently funny to say. Try to say those in a dramatic sentence and you will fail.

"Someone stole my trousers!"
"I was given a concussion by a hurled banana"
"He was stabbed with some cheese"

No matter how serious the subject matter, it is just not possible to make them dramatic.

Really, pants in general aren't dramatic. I understand the humour value of the following sentence relies upon the fact that in the UK "Pants" means underwear, but one of my favourite ever Zero Punctuation phrases is:

"It ceases to be grovy pants and ends up just being pants".

Pants is also a funny word. Really, there is no word for the things you put around your waist that go down to your legs that can be anything BUT funny. Try to put Pants in a dramatic sentence. It will fail.

Ok, stream of consciousness over.

Wow. That is a scary stream.

See you all in about a week.