R2-D2, an analysis

Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, this is my blog's 150th post. That is a reasonable milestone, and shows a sign of age in the blog. How appropriate then that it falls upon today, my 22nd birthday. It seems that both for me and my blog, a time has come whereupon maturity must reign. We have both grown and developed over this time, one more then the other. I like to believe that as I have matured into what I like to believe is a fine specimen of a man, and as such I like to think this blog has become a genuine example of enjoyable recreational writing. And now, onto the post.


R2-D2 is a giant douche.

I know this topic has been covered before on other blogs, and in many arguements about the effects of the new trilogy on the Star Wars saga, but it is the case.

Let's assemble a collection of facts as visible in the movies.

1. R2-D2 was very familiar with Obi-wan Kenobi prior to the old trilogy. R2 helped Obi-wan and Anakin rescue the Chancellor.

2. R2 was aware that Anakin was Darth Vader. He was present on the lava planet when Obi-wan and Anakin fought, seeing Anakin go crazy-monkey-arse on everyone. The only part that was in any potential doubt was if Anakin went on to become Darth Vader, but considering he was hanging around on the rebel base afterwards where it was all being discussed, surely it would be mentioned at least ONCE around him. If not... you'd have to be stupid not to make the link. Obi-wan wins a fight against Anakin, suddenly Anakin's replaced at the emperor's side by a dude who needs life support to survive.

3. R2 was aware that Luke and Leia were brother and sister.

4. R2 never had his memory wiped, like C3PO did. 5. R2 is more then a mere automated Droid. He is capable of independant thought and decision making. This can be seen in numerous instances in the various episodes. Some notable examples (found in the old trilogy, at the time of most of R2's douchiness) are:
5A. Trying to entice C3PO along on the trip along the sands of Tatooine with promises of adventures.
5B. Actively lying to Luke (via C3PO) in episode 4 in order to get the restraining bolt removed.
5C. R2 making a bunch of protesting sounds when they were closing the door on Luke in episode 5, followed by a disappointed 'whine'.
5D. He displays anger by zapping an Ewok after they release him.
This is among other examples.

6. R2 is capable of independant decision making. This is shown when he stops repairing C3PO despite orders to do so, so he can fix the Millenium Falcon.

So, when we put facts 1 through 6 together, we come to a very specific conclusion.

R2D2 is a bastard.

When he tempts Luke into helping him by promising to show more of the princess booty, it could be argued at that point he hasn't made the link between "Luke Skywalker" from the planet Tatooine and "Anakin Skywalker" from the planet Tatooine, despite having met Uncle Owen's family before and been on THAT EXACT PROPERTY before. He may just be that thick. But then he meets Obi-wan (who claims not to have met him, probably why R2 was treating everyone like he was. He felt annoyed at being snubbed), who mentions Luke's "great Jedi Knight father". Surely he made the connection there.

R2 accompanies the Senator who adopted Leia back to Alderaan. So he should know that the Senator adopted the child (or one of them) that Padme had. From that he could easily deduce there were twins, and that Leia are brother and sister.

Yet he tells neither of them that fact, nor that their father is Darth God-Damned VADER.

If you need further proof? He doesn't even bat an eyelid when he's told C3PO, his constant companion, is going to get his memory wiped. He just. Doesn't. Care.

R2-D2 is a douche.