Friday, January 2, 2009

Starship Troopers vs Starship Troopers.

So there I was, the movie director and crew watching as deviant sex acts are performed in the bed, all the while I'm watching on impassionately. This continued for five minutes before the Director shouted "Alright, enough of that, let's start filming this movie. Let's shoot the scene we introduce Mr Darcy in."

  • 85. If someone is getting genuinely angry about something, I will just back off, back down. Even if they are so ridiculously wrong it is plain even to the eyes of a four year old, I will just back down. I'm sorry if this is an attitude people dislike, but I have a limited number of years on this green and blue wonderful planet, and I do not intend to waste them on trying to convince someone of something by shouting at them. Volume does not equal correct.

I am about to insult Starship Troopers (the book) in the most serious manner ever.

Are you ready?

The movie was better.

The movie was a bunch of late-20's-early-30's actors pretending they were 18-19, joining a pseudo-nazi regime ruled by the millitary, and going through a coming of age ritual while their friends get systematically killed by giant alien insects in a series of pointless action sequences notable at the time for the amazing special effects showing the deaths of many'a redshirt.

And the movie was better.

The book is basically the socratic dialogues written by someone who's grasp of logic was slightly below their grasp of the concept of 'plot'.

This book has no plot. There is no "Introduction", "Complication" or "Conclusion" or even the semblance of things occuring in some kind of sequence that makes sense. For those intended to read the book, look away for the following list, summarising the plot.

1. Johnnie is your normal all American boy in a utopian future world ruled by the millitary.
2. Johnnie decides to undertake national service so he can earn the right to vote (by the way, people who haven't served aren't allowed to vote), and impress a girl (who is mentioned three times later in the book), and because his slightly slow good friend is doing it.
3. Johnnie's mother and father cut him off out of anger.
4. Johnnie meets the tough but fair instructors at his boot camp, and is slowly (excrutiatingly slowly) turned into the ultimate soldier who is immensely superior to any soldier the world has ever seen before, because he's a volunteer doing it all out of love for his country, because his country is amazingly awesome.
5. At some point, a war starts between humans and arachnids (that have space ships, laser beams, and landmines), because the Bugs destroyed an Earth City. Johnnie narrates that this doesn't affect him much, except causing him to have his first drop.
6. Johnnie and his fellow soldiers are amazingly awesome because they're great soldiers and awesome.
7. By the way, Johnnie's mother turns out to have been in the city that was destroyed. Surprise! Despite him saying it didn't matter, his mother was, actually, killed.
8. Johnnie decides to go career and is sent to officer training, in which he becomes amazingly awesomely educated on everything, because he's a millitary officer, and all Millitary Officers are great people who're only ever hard on you for your own benefit, and out of the goodness of their heart.
9. Surprise! Johnnie's father is still alive and has joined the army out of respect for his son, and because it's what he's always felt he should do.
10. Johnnie finishes his training and is in another mission, this time as a commander of a Platoon. And because his Platoon is great, they lose only a few people while succeeding where everyone else failed.
11. Johnnie gets his own company, with his father as the sergeant.

Throw in a few chapters detailing how awesome (future millitary doctrine/future millitary technology/future millitary soldiers/future millitary run society) is, and you've got the book.

The movie is NOT a good movie. But it is god-damned FUN.

The book is NOT a good book. The book was not fun. The book actively angered me at times. Did you know society would be MUCH better if crimes were punished through public lashings rather then jail sentences? Ahh, what a better world that would be. At least according to the book.

And the movie has another major bonus over the book. The movie only takes 100 minutes of my life.

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