Am I not geeky enough?

So out of the bathroom charges the drunken man I'd ASSUMED to be the boyfriend, toga completely askew, both reddened nipples showing, waving around a baton slurring "Shtop in the name of the lawsh!" Which particular plural of laws he was refering to, was a question I asked myself as I fled as fast as my clown shoes allowed.

I read through some of my previous posts, and while they're geeky nothing jumps out to me as being geekier then socially acceptable (except posting up character concept stuff). So, in order to rectify this I am going to be so meta-social-analysis you will either become hard (if you're a lady)/moist (if you're a man)* or you will hunt me down and stab me with a brick, just to teach me a lesson.

Yes friends, today I am being... Retro geek. And not in the cool "ha ha, I have a T-shirt with original Doom sprites on it" way, but in the "not yet old enough to be retro" way.

I am going to talk, non-ironically, about Pirates and Ninjas.

When discussing the Pirate V Ninja conflict, there are a couple of assumptions one has to make.

1. We are talking about the fantasy conceptions of these characters. The Ninja is a master of the oriental arts of flipping out and killing things, who can hide in a white room with nothing in it, all the while being a mammal. The Pirate is a swashbuckler who swings from ropes and lands exactly where needed, can outfight a dozen swordsmen all the while making love to the governors daughter and sailing his ship away, despite his ship and his port being on opposite sides of the town.

2. BOTH are the fantasy conceptions. Saying the fantasy Ninja can outfit a bunch of deck rats is pointless, and of course the mystical Swashbuckler can outfit peasents who's greatest ability is hiding among other peasents.

3. Both know the other is there, and it's a purely hand to hand combat battle. The Ninja's traditional strength is stealth and sneaky assassination, I know, but were he to do that to the Pirate, it'd be over before you can say "Watch out, a Mammal's coming!" Also, the pirate's main advantage over a Ninja would be their ship filled with GIANT CANNONS. Even a Ninja would struggle to survive a cannon ball to the hull of the rowboat they're going out to the ship on. So, for the sake of fairness, it's a reasonably even fight.

4. It's not a plain battlefield. Pirates are masters of dirty fighting, and anyone who's seen a hong-kong martial arts action movie knows that it's not martial arts unless they're using the environment to fight. So, we'll have them fight on the deck of an abandoned ship, so they both have stuff to play with.

5. Hitting below the belt IS allowed.

Ok, so, who would win?

Obviously the the winner is the internet nerds having a great time debating the eventual outcome, until some wanker comes along and says something stupid believing he's funny. For the record, the following statements count as 'wanker fodder'.

"The Robot I send in wins, obviously"
"McGuyver"
"Chuck Norris kicks both their arses"
"hay guys check this link LOL I ROLLRICK'D YOU!"
"Wolverine kicks both their arses"
"I'm the Goddamned Batman!"


* Yes, that was deliberate. HA HA. Pseudo humour.