Ultimate showdown of all time

Having just watched Godzilla: Final Wars, I am left with many questions. Many, many questions, of which I will receive no answers.

However there is one answer I will definitely never receive, which upsets me.

If Godzilla fought Superman, who would win?

I'm trying to imagine it, and it is AWESOME, but I can't picture who wins. Let's try to reason this out. First, the ground rules

1. Godzilla is moving to attack Metropolis, but not there yet, so the fight is happening in a relatively sparse area, but with enough debris around to make it interesting. This means Superman HAS to fight him (to protect the city) but Godzilla can't get an unfair advantage by inadvertently threatening people Superman cares for, thus distracting him (E.G. Lois Lane is in danger... again)
2. Godzilla is pissed at Superman and trying to kill him, rather then just ignoring him and moving on.
3. There are no reinforcements on either side.
4. The story is being written by a neutral party, so no vested interest from either DC or Toho.

GODZILLA:

PROS:
- Enormous Strength. As strong as Superman is, I think current presentation of the man of Steel (rather then the bullshit "I'll spin the earth backwards and reverse time" thing) shows him as incredibly strong, but not Godzilla strong. I would go on record that I think Godzilla is stronger then Superman, and could he get a good grip on him it is entirely possible Godzilla has the strength to crush him to death.
- Radioactive breath. While Superman is probably agile to avoid this while flying, at least once this could be sprung on him as a surprise.
- Immense toughness. Godzilla is ridiculously tough, easily tougher then any other villain Superman has faced.

CONS:
- Slow. While his large gait means Godzilla can move pretty fast, Godzilla would not be capable of the kind of rapid self correcting swing needed to swat a human-sized target in mid air while it's flying. It would be like a human trying to hit a fly. Sure some people can catch them, but it's as much luck as it is skill, and you can swing all day without connecting.
- Large target(s). Superman could never miss Godzilla. He's friggin' massive. More importantly, let's assume that Godzilla, like is the case for all animals ever, has relatively sensitive eyes. Those alone are larger then a human, and as such easy targets for Supe's.
- No Kryptonite. That seems to be the only way to beat Superman these days.

SUPERMAN:

PROS:
- Strength. As I said, I don't think Superman is as strong as Godzilla, that said, he IS very strong. He could easily start using abandoned tanks (or equivalent weigh objects) as projectiles by flinging the damn things at Godzilla, who would have a hard time dodging them.
- Speed. Superman is far, far faster then Godzilla. Godzilla would have a genuinely tough time hitting a flying Superman, either with swinging fists, tail, or radioactive breath.
- Heat Vision. Let me start off by saying I do not believe that Superman's heat vision could hurt Godzilla traditionally. However, a blast of that to the eyes would slow ANY giant Monster down.

CONS:
- Not strong enough. Superman is strong and with a myriad of offensive weapons at his disposal. I do not believe either any of them, or he himself, is powerful enough to take down Godzilla. Hell, I don't even think the Hulk, jumping at full strength at Godzilla's head, punching at full strength on the way through, could knock Godzilla over, let alone Superman.
- Not enough leverage. It's shown in plenty of Godzilla movies the most damaging way to hit Godzilla is to throw him around or knock him down. I honestly don't believe Superman could pull that off. The only way I could see that working is if he, in a matter of seconds, flew past at the same angle and hit Godzilla over and over again on the way past. However, that opens him up to a Radioactive breathing to the face.


Y'see, this is my problem. In the vision I paint above, Superman cannot really hurt Godzilla, while Godzilla cannot hit Superman enough to really hurt him. A full blown stalemate, which is as satisfying as a carelessly abandoned blowjob.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The worst bit about fantasising about the most awesome game that could ever exist, is knowing it never will. Anyway, onto the blog post.


Let me say straight off the bat I rate the Ninja Turtles in the following order from coolest to least-cool.


1. Michelangelo

2. Donatello

3/4. Leonardo/Raphael.


I believe my reasons for this will become clear.


As all writers know (or should know) having characters all the exact same sucks, is dull, and bores the hell out of everyone. Ninja Turtles exemplifies why writers should strive for differences in their characters. Each of the turles exemplifies a different personality type, and the resulting conflicts between them (followed by the mending of bridges just in time to kick Shredder's acehole) works well as a narrative.


But really, this is a post about human-sized Turtles trained fiercely in various martial arts moves who use those abilities to fight evil, in a cartoon designed to sell toys. So examination of the narrative capacities of this falls flat in the face of GODDAMNED AWESOME.


Leonardo - The archetypical 'hero'. He takes responsibility for his actions and those of his allies, even if they won't, and functions as a guiding force for the group. This sense of responsibility, combined with his emphasis on "the right thing" leads him to be the most boring of the Turtles. Sure, theoretically he's the most heroic of them all, and usually the one who's "right" (in most arguements his apology at the end seems to be "I'm sorry I got angry with you for being so wrong, nob-head"), but... seriously, BORING.


Raphael - The bad boy. The one who punches first and gets angry at pretty easy to achieve provocation. He's passionate, firey and doesn't care what rules are broken in order to get a 'good' result. Underneath all his bad boy attitude lurks a heart of gold and a fierce loyalty to his friends. In other words, he's Wolverine. Raphael just strikes me as a moron, his style of doing anything gets on my pecs, and the number of times he's gotten into crap because he charges off alone and has to be saved by his brothers... you'd think he would've friggin' learnt by now.


Donatello - The smart one. In some media forms they overdo Donatello's "smart", making him an aspergas sufferer able to put together gadgets that would shame the bastard lovechild of McGuyver and Q. Other time he's "one of the boys", just as humourous as even Michelangelo, but with a bit more intelligence. While Raphael and Leonardo argue over leadership style, Michelangelo and Donatello sit back, watch and share a Pork Rind. He's good value, but a bit too "driven" for me.


Michelangelo - The laid back one, and the one whom it could be argued I've based my life around (sans the enormous shell and ninja skills). He's laid back, enjoys a joke, has a great time when he's off duty, and kicks shell when he's on duty. What more is there to say? Michelangelo is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and even that is up in the air (in Mickey's favour).


The thing that makes me most upset about doing this post?

I realised I'm no longer a Teenager. I'm older then the Turtles.

I'ma gonna go do old people things.

XvY2: Algebra meets fighting

There was a fighting game on the Sega Genesis called Final Fight, in which the player had to fight a couple of women characters. Since this was deemed inappropriate, Sega refused, so the game creators revealed they were in fact transexuals, since apparently it's so much better to beat up transexuals then women.
http://www.nationmaster.com/encyclopedia/Final-Fight
Scroll down the SNES and GBA version section in Censorship for the proof.

• 75. I am three quarters through the "100 facts about myself" blog post aspect. Ha ha! See what I did there?

As one or two posts might've alerted you, I am fascinated by the concept of "X vs Y". It's the height of laziness and awesomeness at the same time. "Hey, we've got the rights to X and Y, two independent intellectual properties. Let's stretch them both out further by making them fight" or "Hey, those guys with the other intellectual property are willing to collaborate with us, so we both make more money with half the work." (Aliens Vs Predator started because in Predator 2 the Predator ship had an Alien skull on it. Awesome.)

Often the pairings make only the most general of senses. Marvel Vs DC. Two entire UNIVERSES of superheros fighting. There've been some vague crossovers in the past (one or two insane characters saying they've off-panel interacted with someone from the other universe) and a couple of make-no-sense-story-arc-crossovers. Spiderman and Batman teamed up to fight the Joker and Carnage, who were the best of buddies until they disagreed on murder methods. "A giant smilie face bomb that detonates and makes everyone in Gotham die of laughter! MUAHAHHA" "Yeah, or we could slit their throats." "... What did I ever see in you?"

Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe. What do these two have in common? Absolutely nothing. But that doesn't stop them from making a fighting game around the concept. They even came up with a stupid story behind it.

Star Wars vs Soul Calibur. Ok, they didn't call it this, but what else can you call it when Darth Vader and Yoda are brought in to kick the crap out of stupid looking stylised warriors with swords larger then them, which follow no rules of physics and don't seem to be even sharp.


So, what other Vs would be awesome?


Zombies Vs Aliens: To make this as AWESOME as it should be, let's make three assumptions

1. Aliens can be infected with the Zombie virus if bitten (and somehow the bites can penetrate the skin of the Aliens)
2. Facehuggers born of zombies would be Zombie Aliens
3. Zombies still try to eat the Aliens, despite the fact their acid blood would melt them.

Now come on, picture a heavily populated human planet turned into a Zombie-world, with a dormant Alien Nest on the planet. The Aliens awake for some reason, start trying to do stuff, only for them to be facing hordes of the undead, and their own drones being turned into siff limbed zombies, all the while both sides are attempting to get at the few remaining humans (there are always humans) for food/replenished ranks. AWESOME. AWESOME to the MAX.


Batman Vs Jason: Need I say more? Batman's long lost cheerleader cousin is off having careless teenager sex with a jock when this activity rouses the attention of Jason. Batman must protect everyone from the Psycho while they escape, meaning he has no time to do his standard "research their weakness" thing so he can't just defeat Jason in the blink of an eye.

The "I know what you did last Summer" guy against Wile E. Coyote: Both lose, since they have an inherent anti-winning-streak, and are both so predictable it hurts. We all win.

Darth Vader Vs Davey Jones: This one just came to me. Excuse me a moment while I picture the awesomeness.


Think of your own X vs Y and post it in the comments.

Something I haven't done in a while

I recently found out the thin red streak that appears whenever I try to grow a beard (unsuccessfully) is because there was a crazy red-haired Irish lady a few generations back in my gene pool. That's how my mother described her. "Crazy red-haired Irish lady". I love my family.

• 63. I recently had four black helicopters circling my house for about an hour. If this is my last ever post, I want you to know I love you all. Except that guy. He knows who he is.

I haven't made up any random characters in this blog in ages (see the first couple of posts I did), so in lieu of anything interesting or informative (ha! Like this blog has ever been those) I decided to make up a character.

First few characters I did this for were Superheroes, now I'll go with fantasy, since I've been playing fantasy games lately. However, since I am inherently lazy, I am once more going to let someone else do the hard work for me.

In this case, Rich Burlew, the genius behind the Order Of The Stick webcomics. Google him, and nerds will enjoy. Under the 'Gaming' section of his site is one part called the Villain Workshop (http://www.giantitp.com/articles/rTKEivnsYuZrh94H1Sn.html, for those too lazy to find it themselves). In this part he describes an easy way to create villains for a roleplaying campaign, but it can be adapted to create villains for any medium. You can read through this side by side with Mr Burlew's work, but I'll be describing the steps as I undertake them.

Step X: What is the villain's race or class?

I prefer antagonists who can be understood, personally. While the 'utterly alien unempathisable monsterous' kind of villain can be amusing (I'm looking at YOU, Joker), in general I prefer a villain who, if the circumstances were just a little different, could have been a hero. Since there won't be "classes" I'll go with just the race here, for which I'll choose human. No matter the fantasy setting, humans are always there, and they're always the race we relate to most (since MOST of us are humans.)


Step 1: Start with two emotions.

The idea behind this step is that there is a driving emotion behind the villain, something that inspires and motivates them to do evil. Greed is a good starting point. All villains have some degree of greed, but greed for what? I'll go with power, but not in the abstract form, I'll narrow it down to personal power. He wants to become the most powerful being. Does he want to just be the most powerful he can, or does he want to be the most powerful ever? What the hell, I'll go the whole hog and say 'ever'.

The second emotion is what the villain is supposed to inspire in people (in the original text, the players who encounter him. This could be terror, anger, fear, hatred, pity, or anything really. I'll go with Anger, for reasons that just occured to me in the writing of this.

So the human character so far desires personal power (physical? Or physical and something else?) and inspires anger from those who meet him.


Step 2: What events in the villain's past brought about this emotion?

I want the villain to be somewhat empathisable, to have the feeling that he could have been something far more then he is. I'll say some great tragedy. The villain was originally a great man, we'll make him a ruler of some kind, let's say Duke. He was a fair and wise Duke, who took care of all those beneath him, but loved his wife above all. They had many happy years, in which she even bore him a daughter. They all aged somewhat, as time does to people, before the king demanded the Duke aid him in a war effort. Though it pained him, he left his loved ones behind. The war dragged on, until the Duke heard of a raiding party heading towards his home town. Though he rode like the wind, when he got there his band was not enough to hold off the raiders, and he was left for dead. Most of his people killed, including his wife, tore from him the kindness and decency he had been honoured for.

How does this make him greedy for personal power? I'll get more into that in a following section.


Step 3: What is the villain's scale?

Part of me is tempted to make him enormous in scale, but that isn't entirely appropriate. Instead I'll make him semi-local. The scope of his villainy is currently local, but has the potential to affect other areas in a remarkably short time. For now he isn't a global threat, but he is definately working his way up there.

Step 4: What is the villain's goal?

Here is where things start to come together. As we've described, the villain has a lust for personal power. This isn't some wu-shu style fantasy game, where through super-training a character can stand on bamboo leaves (or at least, it isn't intended for that. It could quite easily be used for it). So he must have a method for advancing his personal power (possibly to over 9000). I'll go with a ritual, they're always good for fantasy games.

WHY does he want the power is a question I haven't answered yet. Let's say the loss of his wife has led him to want to preserve all that remains of her, their daughter (a useful plot hook for later on in the medium). He's seen how being a mere man isn't enough to protect that which you love (or once loved, in his case) so he must be more then that.


Step 5: What does the villain need to be able to achieve this goal?

Instead of simply having him become super powerful the moment the ritual is complete, I'll complicate things. The ritual has already happened, his personal abilities are linked with how others feel about him. The stronger the emotions, the more powerful he becomes. As Machiavelli said, love is much harder to control then fear and hatred, and so he set out to be hated and feared. High taxes, regular raids on his own villages, executions at offenses so slight they seem almost random.

Through this he is gathering power, and through that in the future he plots to overthrow the kingdom, and spread the reign of terror until he is feared and loathed throughout the land, becoming more powerful then any other mortal ever known of. All for the noblest of goals, to protect his daughter.


Step 6: What obstacles must the villain overcome?

Early on the obstacles aren't much trouble, just possible rebellious peasents who could be put down by his army. But such possible rebels could be used later in the story somehow, and the tales of how he brutally dispatched their leaders could spread to attract attention.

The most obvious obstacle for later on in his plan to overthrow the king is the fact that kings don't like usurpers (for some weird reason). Obviously such a scheme required the support of a large portion of the ruling class of the kingdom, something not easy to get for someone who goes from being a just and honourable nobleman to a vicious and cruel dictator. So he must find a way (either persuasion, blackmail, intimidation or threats) to get the support required for taking over the kingdom.

Just to make things interesting, let's say this kingdom has an alliance with a 'noble' order (could be anything, Paladins in Dungeons and Dragons, a martial arts temple in a wu-shu style game, a secret organisation of scholars elsewhere, whatever) of people, in which the members of this order are allowed to come and go as they please in the kingdom, doing whatever it is they do. To accomplish the ritual, the villain needed to ally himself with some kind of dark wizardry, who happen to be in opposition with the noble order. This means there is yet another obstacle for him to overcome.


Step 7: What is the villain's primary means of projecting influence?

This is a tricky one. He's obviously somewhat sneaky, able to hold back from acting until he knows it's the right time, but I didn't want him to be too underhanded. I'd prefer if he had some degree of honour or nobility left in him, and that he was somewhat straightforward. To that end I'll make him a leader, he lures others to his side and convinces them to act with him, probably with promises of power and wealth.

But he had to have some degree of manipulator, in order to be forcing the various nobles to support him. Or did he? I've already established a link with some group of evil wizards. Maybe there's someone advising him, luring him down this dark path. This underhanded wizard can be the manipulator in the scheme, the one making the cogs behind the curtain turn.


Step 8: What are the villain's resources?

As established, this villain has some degree of political and personal power, so let's get around to defining what precisely he's got backing him.

• Skillful warrior backed up by magically enhanced abilities.
• Fine strategic mind for warfare
• Some understanding of the subtleties of politics
• Personal army appropriate for someone of the standing 'Duke'.
• Social status appropriate for someone of the standing 'Duke'.
• Agents of various skill levels working for him.
• Alliance with band of evil wizards, including a highly manipulative and cunning adviser
• Alliance (willing and forced) with numerous nobles of various standings throughout the kingdom

Step 9: If no heroes were to interfere, what would the villain's plan to achieve this goal be?

Most of this is explained above, but I'll go into a little more detail here. The villain (I'll give him a name. Blackguard. It's temporary, but describes him well) undergoes a horrific ritual (let's make it really horrible, something making people physically ill if they knew all the details) that binds his 'soul' with his perception. The more he is thought of within the context of powerful emotions, the more powerful he becomes. The Blackguard then subjugates his entire plot of land, oppressing all the peasents he can and letting his name be known, to grow in personal power.

Once that is accomplished he needs to move outside his sphere of influence. Let's give him a degree of honour, let's say he's not even necessarily the power behind this whole situation. He wants to become king so he can do the whole thing to further areas, becoming even more powerful for the sake of his daughter. His adviser is the one taking care of most things. The adviser has his agents (let's make the agents mostly the adviser's, the king is left in the dark) do some spying and reports back on what nobles can be persuaded by the Blackguard, and what nobles cannot. Those who can be persuaded find themselves visited by the Blackguard who either persuades them or leavess the unspoken threat remain in the air, to persuade them. The others either are blackmailed, silently threatened, or in the case of those impossible to alter, eliminated. If the heir is more open to suggestion, he's left in place. If not, the entire family is slaughtered to destabilise the group and deny the king his allies.

Once this is all acomplished, the Blackguard moves on the king, killing him and taking the throne, letting the entire kingdom fall under the same oppression all for his own benefit. From there he plans to accomplish similar things throughout the world, basically conquering it.


Step 10: What are the villain's boundaries?

As stated in the above step, the Blackguard is not the manipulative one. Let's take that to the extreme. Let's say he ALWAYS keeps his word, taking a promise as something incredibly important. He may be a vicious, evil cad, but in some ways he is still honourable. He will only kill those who are a threat (or armed, since most armed people won't be a threat). Maybe even, out of some bizarre need to test himself, he lets worthy opponents live so they may test him again in the future, to make sure he is the most powerful he can be.

Of course, this is only his own personal honour system. He isn't stupid, he knows what his army and his adviser is doing to people, but somehow he reconciles it with himself, since HE isn't the one burning down villages.


Step 11: What is the villain's personal threat level?

Quite impressive. As we've established, he's a skillful warrior who is growing supernaturally powerful with the aid of this ritual. He is a quite genuine threat, and one that most likely cannot be defeated by physical means (at least not without considerable effort).


Step 12: How does the villain treat his minions? How do the minions feel about the villain?

Obviously normal peasents trained as men-at-arms aren't going to be emotionless killing machines, they're going to oppose the idea of wholescale oppression of people they may be related to. My first thought is that he somehow brainwashes them (or more likely, his adviser does), but that closes the ability to relate to some of his soldiers who may be forced into situations they dislike. Let's make it a bit more complicated.

About 10-20% of the army is made up of 'dead' soldiers. They've been stripped of all human emotion, the need to eat, sleep and numerous higher brain functions. Through magic they've been made into the ultimate loyal warriors. 50% of the soldiers are normal people, men-at-arms recruited from the peasentry, they're unsure about what's happening, but a fear of being 'stripped' (as the 10-20% are), fear of 'the stripped', and fear of the Blackguard keeps them in line. The remaining portion is made up of mercenaries caring less about morality and more about the payday.

So we've established a lack of care over his soldiers.


Step 13: What are the villain's visual quirks?

Hmm, I haven't considered this step much so far. Let's look at it. His current placeholder name 'The Blackguard' illicits a certain image. Warrior in pitch black heavy armour. Let's start with that, it works. But let's flip it a bit, let's make him a fighter focused on speed rather then strength. Instead of heavy armour, let's make it light-to-medium, chainmail at most, maybe leather with a few sewn on metal plates. Most important should be the helmet. This allows him to present a physically imposing image quite easily, a very visually distinct helmet.

Next let's consider his actual body. We've established the ritual was quite painful, let's make that show. Heavy bags under his eyes, pale skin, possibly a sinewy appearance. Let's alter it a little further with stark white long hair. It's all a little cliche, but in this case it works, makes him incredibly visually distinct.


Step 13a: What would the villain's theme music sound like?

No clue, I'm not very good at music. Let's just go with something more mournful then terrifying.


Step 14: What is the villain's escape plan?

Again, a little less required then normal. Let's say since the Blackguard is a leader, he never ventures out without a bodyguard. In the rare occasions he needs to flee, he simply leaves his bodyguard behind to delay his foe while he flees on foot (or mounted if available).

However that's a bit mundane and easy to catch. Let's make it difficult. Let's say part of the ritual renders him nearly immortal. He has X number of 'lives'. If he dies, he is recreated by an artefact held within his castle, but let's make it even more unusual. Let's say this is the same artefact that 'strips' his soldiers of their emotions, and each time he revives through it, he comes back with a little less humanity. Sooner or later it won't be able to work, and so he'll be too inhuman to come back. But even worse, soon he'll be unable to remember why he is seeking the power, he just remembers that he's seeking it.



So what do you think? I'm liking this character. He's different, and provides a HUGE number of story hooks.

X vs Y

If a Werewolf bites a dog, does the dog turn into a person at the full moon and prowl around at night ordering takeaway and investing in the stockmarket (two defining attributes of humankind)?

• 57. I have a zombie invasion survival plan. Really, that's all that needs to be stated.

One of the pillars of the geek and nerd community, something that ALL of us have indulged in at one point or another, is the even popular "X vs Y" debate. "If Magneto fought Darth Vader, who would win?" (Magneto, he could just crush the electronics keeping Vader alive, not to mention prevent him from moving his mechanical arms, which seems to be required for him to force-choke people.) It's a staple of our mindset. And so, with that in mind, I present a few new X vs Y's, and my thoughts on the matter. (Note: These are all presented in the spirit of good fun. I'm just coming up with random characters from nerd-culture and throwing them against each other)


Zombies (Romero Style) Vs Werewolves: Werewolves have the initial advantage in that they can rip apart the Zombies and are strong enough to physically crush the head. However against a zombie horde there is only so much close-combat fighting you can do before you'll get bitten. Then we get Werewolves dying of infection at best, or Zombie-Werewolves at worst.
My thoughts on the winner: Zombies.

Obi-Wan (New trilogy) Vs Spiderman: Assuming Obi-Wan doesn't just cheaply mind-trick his way out of it, it's a genuine fight. My opening thought is Spidey would just web the Jedi, but then I realised the lightsaber could cut through the web. Then I though Spidey would take the lightsaber with webbing, but realised Obi-wan could probably keep hold through the force.
My thoughts on the winner: Draw

The Hulk vs Mary Sue: Mary Sue talks the Hulk down from his rage, befriends him, but then dies tragically in a way that will always be remembered and admired despite the fact she didn't really do anything, since the Hulk just gets pissed at her death and kills everyone.
My thoughts on the loser: Us.

Michael Westin (TV show 'Burn Notice'. Good show.) vs McGuyver: Both are improvisational genius' with gadgets. I'll give the edge to Westin because he is a highly skilled fighter and gunman willing to use lethal force, once the gadgets have done their bit.
My thoughts on the winner: Westin

Star Wars vs Star Trek: Star Trek's technology is more advanced, but Star Wars is just plain cooler.
My thoughts on the winner: Star Wars, because I say so.

Spiderman Vs Batman: The two main comic cashcows of the two major comic companies. Spiderman could easily outfight Batman, but Batman would be prepared for the fight and have a dozen plans to let him beat Batman.
My thoughts on the winner: They engage twice, one wins each time, until they find out the Venom Symbiote has infected Joker, and team up to take him down.

Pfft, I could do better then this.

... If we live in a world where lying to children for fun and profit is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

• 34. I am a large individual. Well over 6 foot and toping 130 Kg (although I don't think I'm THAT large, so I'm wondering where the hell all of it is kept. I'm the tardis of largess.) This, and a degree of experience, grants me an enormous advantage when it comes to drinking with friends. And yet the people I drink with try to keep up with me, beer (or other) for beer/other. This results in many humourous situations.

As a birthday present, my parents at one point bought me 'The Marvel Encyclopedia', a list of nearly all the Marvel characters. Since I am feeling lazy, here are some of my personal favourites in the list of the stupidest characters ever.

Ant Man II: The original Ant Man was just Giant Man using his powers in a different way (so his abilities were actually useful). But this guy ONLY had the ability to shrink. Seriously, there are only SO many situations that can be useful. "Where's Scott?" "He's looking under the couch for leftover change. Again."

Batroc the Leaper: He jumps. Seriously, that's it. He jumps really well. He jumps on top of people, apparently. His powers are listed as "Self professed master of Savate, the French form of kickboxing; allegedly an expert hand to hand combatant". The fact that they say 'self professed' and 'allegedly' to me makes it sound like... he isn't. And as much as I like the French (I genuinely do, I'm a fan of the French), they aren't known for unarmed combat. He's a crap practitioner of a bad martial art. Man, he's losing on ALL fronts.

Bi-Beast: One head on top of another. One has a full knowledge of an ancient race's warfare, the other their full knowledge of culture. That's it. He's just one of those ridiculously large, orange skinned aliens otherwise. With a large head with two faces. Whoever sat down and thought "This is gonna be SWEEET" should be put in a sack and beaten with a stick.

The Blob: Big, fat, tough guy. I get what his power is meant to be, it's just... c'mon... he's a big fat guy . Like. ROLLS of fat. More rolls-of-fat then man. You can't take that seriously as a supervillain

Boomerang: Yeah, he throws boomerangs. Some explode. Some release gas. They're still goddamned boomerangs.

Wolverine: I am doggamned sick of Wolverine.

Golddigger: She has no powers. All it really says about her is that she "Crossed paths with Captain America" Seriously, is a character wih no powers who gets screwed over that early REALLY worth a super-name? Even one as bad as 'Gold Digger'?

Jean Grey: Do I have to explain this? You real geeks out there will get what I mean. Amirite?

Left-Winger/Right-Winger: They didn't like the second Captain America, so they tried to have him killed, got their arses kicked in return. Wow. They were a good use of comic book pages.

Mad Thinker: An ugly guy who's really good with robotics. Wow, original. And dull as hell.

Madcap: I don't think I can do this justice, so I'll just type it all out. "A devoted member of a Christian church, Madcap began his descent into insanity following a terrible accident. He was traveling on a bus with his family and forty church members when it collided with a truck carrying an experimental nerve agent. Madcap was the only survivor and in the days that followed he developed the ability to heal himself and cause temporary insanity in others. He has used these talents to cause repeated havoc on the streets of new york. In between short spells in Bellevue Hospital, Madcap has encountered a number of superpowered individuals." Wow. Just. Wow.

I'm only halfway through the book, and I'm giving up there. There are a disturbing number of really... REALLY bad characters in comics.

New character time!

... So that night is the reason I've always had my mobile phone number embroided into my underpants.

Since I don't have a witty topic prepared, today I'll just do two things:

1. Go read www.pixcapacitor.com. It's done by a good mate of mine, who created the NSS.

2. Time for a new character thing!

Goeleb

History: Born to a wealthy, nurturing family in France, Andre Goeleb was the toast of his upper class group of Friends. Regular trips to various European countries locations of significance when he was young made him realise two things. One, that there was such nobility found in the great men and women of past times, such nobility that no longer seemed to exist. And two, that he felt empty. There was no great war, no great cause of his time that he could stand up and be proud of participating in. This emptiness consumed him, right up until his twenty second year of life, when superpowers suddenly appeared in the world. Andre Goeleb was one of the 'lucky' ones. He found himself with superhuman strength and endurance, able to take a bullet to the chest and not drop. Once when learning the extent of his powers he was even accidently impaled on a three foot long metal spike, to which he responded by climbing off it, looking down at the wound, and being amazed as he watched it close straight up in front of him. He knew his life would never be the same, the world was changing, there were causes to believe in, life changing events were happening!

Unfortunately for the world, he met 'The Lord'. An ancient, near immortal man, the charismatic Lord was easily able to persuade Andre to join his side, talking about how under the reign of himself, the world would be improved for the better. Andre was easily seduced to the cause by talk of being seen as the first lieutenant of the new world order.

Personality/Motivation: Goeleb is fanatically loyal to his master, at times seeming more like a barely chained attack dog then a leader of men. Despite that he maintains his upper crust attitude to life and other people, making snap judgements about the worth of others and mostly refusing to deviate from those judgements, unless something spectacular happens.

His near invulnerability means he is a genuine leader among the Lords soldiers, more then happy to charge headfirst into the fray, leading the way for the rest of the troops. They follow his powerful example, often not even considering that this battle is alot less likely to be fatal for him, then it is for them.

As a sign of his devotion to his master, he scars himself every morning, a factor not many people understand, but then, he isn't someone easily understood at all.

Powers/Abilities: A powerful healing factor and diamond hard skin coupled with strength enough to casually lift a sports car aloft without winding himself, means that Andre is one of the most feared direct combatants a person can face. Highly intelligent and tactically minded translates into a mind that can work its way around problems he would have trouble facing in single combat. Perhaps his only weakness is the ease in which he was brainwashed by the Lord, possibly indicating that his mind, while intelligent, isn't the best at protecting itself.

Appearance: A six foot tall tall, athletically muscular man, usually dressed in either a formal suit or his battle uniform. A single thin scar runs down his face over his eye, in many ways improving his looks. His face usually holds a polite smile in most situations. The only thing that seems to remove it is anger at troops who have failed his master, or pure rage at people who've insulted his master.

New character

Just as an extra post, and since I want to get his character written down, meet the next character in my possible future Champions campaign. Same rules as Malice. Feel free to be inspired by this to use him for non-profit, but if he's going to be used for something designed to make a profit, I'd like to be consulted first, and permission gained.

KNIGHT RISEN

History: In Medieval times, there arose the myth of the Noble Knight. Some indeed did personify this myth, those who deserved the title 'nobility'. They were strong, generous souls who took their responsibilities to those beneath them seriously. However, most Knights of ancient times did not embody these chivalrous concepts. They were greedy, caring not for the serfs and peasents beneath them, using them as tools for their own wealth and opulance. As many things did in that time of magic, this less-then-ideal concept became strong enough to gain sentience. Knightly corruption was born and personified, it's physical form that of a Knight in pure black armour, unbeatable in combat and remorseless in slaughter, he became a creature to fear. However, as the idea of 'Knightliness' died, so too did he grow weaker, until in the industrial age he was but a faint spark clinging onto an insubstantial existence.

In the modern age, however, when magic again begins to resurface within the world and there once more comes above the belief there is more to life then what science can explain, the Knight rises, once more. And he feels that without nobility ruling over the lands, he deserves it as a true personification of the Bloodlines of rulers. Woe to anyone who stands in his way.

Personality/Motivation: The Knight Risen is a personification of a concept. He is the corruption of nobility given form. He feels everything he wishes for should belong to him, but not in the manner of the petulant child throwing a tantrum. He just thinks the world is his, and anyone who gets between him and what he wishes for is a thief and should be treated as such.

He speaks of honour, duty and chivilry, but shows no urge to follow it himself. He will chastise an opponent for using anything he considers 'ignoble' tactics, such as ranged weaponry, but will gladly lance an opponent in the back or shoot them with his shotgun himself. Most of the time he feels no need to even speak with his opponent, feeling his actions speak for themselves. Only if someone proves themselves either in combat or of noble birth, will he even lift his visor to speak. Most of the time to demand their surrender, but sometimes to offer them the chance to serve beneath him.

Powers/abilities: As an abstract ideal personified, Knight Risen cannot be killed in the normal means. However, he is not stupid, and if he is outmatched and defeated he will likely flee once he reforms. He has no 'physical' body, only a spectral form that can interact with the physical world, but one that conversely the physical work can interact with. He cannot become intangible, but he can become invisible, although his bike still roars while unseen. Instead of the black steed that needed no food or rest, that he road in the past, in modern times he rides a black motorcycle that needs no fuel and suffers no mechanical faults. Similarly, instead of his black armour he wears black motorcycle leathers that provides more protection then full platemail could. This, combined with his non-physical nature, means that lethal attacks like bullets, blades or knives, are almost useless. There is no substance beneath the leather for the bullet to harm, and blades 'clang' off his hide. Also, as a non-living creature he himself doesn't need food, drink, or rest. He does not age, and even if ripped limb from limb, he will reform nearby within twenty four hours.

Offensively, his spectral status gives him access to a large amount of weaponry, formed from his very substance. Most common for him is a lance tipped with a silver skull with glowing eyes, used in conjunction with his bike in a manner similar to jousting. It's supernatural status gives it the strength it needs to break through a tank's forward armour, when he's going at top speed. As well as that he can form a double-handed warhammer if needed, for unmounted combat, and a new addition to his arsenal is a spectral shotgun that fires flaming slugs. His natural capabilities in combat make him a highly dangerous adversary, which is only heightened by his accumulated skill of centuries.

Appearance: Beneath his motorcycle leathers there exists no form, he is given substance by his outfit. The leathers, including gloves, trousers and boots, cover his entire body up to his neck. His head is covered by a standard motorcycle helmet, with a metal dragon crest standing atop it, similar to how vain knights of old would adorn themselves.

An amalgamation of the past two posts

Just because I thought it would be amusing, I'm going to apply the post about the three aspects of the villain (Motivation, methods, style) to the post about Malice, a villain I came up with for the Heros RP PnP system.

Motivation

Malice's motivation is two-fold, focusing around greed, with an arm stretching out into insanity. His basic motivations are incredible selfish. He wants money and respect, with no care for the harm he causes others in getting it.

If that weren't motivation enough, his sadism and minor psychic abilities meld together to give him an extra motivation which is a mix of insanity and greed. Insanity, because he desires the pain of others, but greed because he desires satisfaction of his own addiction at the detriment of others.

Methods

Not quite as memorable for Malice, but his methods are still unusual. If he were part of a larger villain organisation, his role would almost certainly be distraction.

His usual modus operandi to achieve his full strength is to go into a crowded area, and just start shooting people randomly (already the sign of a true villain). When a threat arrives, he allows the surrounding suffering to overwhelm him, and transform him into 'Malice' form. It's a method that's unlikely to be copied, that's for sure

Style

The trick here is that style isn't necessarily Chilli Palmer, it's just a uniqueness to the character, a 'gimmick' if you will, that makes them stand out and be unique. For Malice it's alot of it is the desire for strength and the lengths he will go to to achieve it.

If I do make use of him in a RP-campaign of some kind, I imagine later on (after I've gotten good use out of him) I'll have a game or two where Malice, in his desire for more power, undergoes experimental procedures that turn him into an even stronger, animalistic style of creature. It's at this point where the heros, who hopefully will have been genuinely heroic in their actions, will have no option but to kill him. With any luck, played well it could be quite a conflicting, challenging moment for them.

First 'short post'

Since I have things planned for today, rather then attempting a thought-provoking post at all, I'll put to paper (so to speak) a character I've had in my head for a long time.

As mentioned in one of the first posts, I am a roleplayer, but more then that I learn new roleplaying systems semi-regularly, and plan out possible campaigns in those systems. Currently I'm considering a campaign using the 'Hero' system used in Champions PnP RPG. Essentially this allows super-hero characters, which means I have to come up with Super-villains. And so, here exists a Supervillain.

If you happen to be a fellow RPG player and considering using these characters, feel free, just mention that you got them from this blog. In the highly unlikely event of you wishing to use these characters in something that will make you money, please be kind enough to contact me first.

MALICE

History: John State was an ordinary petty crook, of no notice to anyone or anything. He was one of the usual suspects if any crime was bungled within his area, and lived on scraps. This was made all the harder for him by the fact he'd had a taste of luxury. An orphan, John was passed around foster home to foster home, most of them a blur, only one of them standing out. It was a wealthy couple of extraordinary money, they gave him everything he could ask for. It was his own fault they rejected him in the end, he couldn't leave behind his bullying ways and child-learnt habits of stealing. He continued to grow up bitter, towards the world, other people, everything. It was about this stage he first started to show signs of sadomasochism.

Acting as hired muscle one night, John found himself helping others rob a chemical plant of something. Things went wrong, as they often did for John, but in this case they went right, in some weird manner. The criminals were caught, but not by the police, by the private security firm working for the company they were stealing from. The police were never called, and all those caught 'volunteered' for clinical studies. None of the others that went in with John were heard of again. John, either through luck or sheer force of will, survived the trials his body was forced through. Eventually his physical form was a twisted lump of what was once a man and the researchers had done what they set out to do.

They had brought forth rudimentary psychic powers in a person. He was able to feel the pain of others, without even necessarily seeing them. This is where the researchers made an enormous mistake. When experimenting on this once, instead of bringing the normal 'scum of the Earth' type they usually did experiments one, they were in a rush and so kidnapped an innocent person off the street. This innocent person's pain had a rather different reaction within John. Rather then simply cause him to react, it caused his muscle to swell and his body to grow. Rather then a mewing shadow of a man, inside the cell, within a matter of seconds, stood a four meter tall beast, a creature of muscle and sinew and scales, enjoying the feast of innocent suffering it was feeling, and wanting more.

Needless to say, John escaped at great expense of life. He is still free to this day, operating under the name 'Malice'

Personality/Motivation: In many ways, Malice is a weak individual. He blames others for all his own failings, claiming nothing bad as his fault, and refusing to acknowledge his mistakes. He doesn't have much self confidence, although he hides this behind a facade, and he is accutely aware of his lack of learning. This means that with the right coaxing, it isn't particularly hard to get him working for you. The only thing more engrained in his mind then his enjoyment of other's suffering, is his hatred of authority figures, as he blames them for his failures (of course).

Malice's motivation is two-fold. Firstly, his more 'sophisticated' side wants what he never had in life. Wealth and respect. While he sometimes confuses respect and fear, in general he simply wants alot of money, and for people to treat him like someone important.

His more sadistic side, however, just wants those who do not deserve it to suffer. He is almost addicted to the sensation of innocents suffering now, and often succumbs to the temptation to make them suffer, despite how much trouble it may cause him.

Powers/abilities: In normal human form, Malice is a tall, strong man who can easily outfight an untrained individual. He nearly always carries with him a handgun (although the type varies based on what he can scavenge), and is reasonable at many 'tricks of the trade' for someone working as a petty crook. He can forge some very basic documents, tail a person without being seen (as long as they do not know to look for him, or anyone), and pick a simple lock. His latent psionic abilities allow him to sense pain and suffering of others, although it is only the suffering of those who do not deserve it that that trigger the transformation.

The pistol he carries is not for combat sake, however. If Malice needs to fight, what he will often do is find a large group of innocent bystanders, hide among them, and then shoot someone. The pain the victim feels as well as the terror of everyone within earshot over hearing gunfire is more then enough to allow him to change. In his altered form he is four meters tall with shoulders two meters wide, and weighs about twenty six thousand kilograms. He has strength enough to lift a small truck over his head without breaking a sweat, and his hide can resist small arms and some heavy arms fire with ease. His strength and incredible toughness alone makes him a threat, but perhaps the most terrifying part of this is how his sadomasochistic side seems to be predominant. This, combined with his near radar-like-sense for innocent victims means that no one is safe when he is out of control. Perhaps most terrifying about all this is just how difficult it is to defeat Malice. Possibly based on the same terrifying process that turns a normal sized man into this behemoth, when he is genuinely injured, his body can - in a matter of minutes - recover from the most greivous of injuries.

Appearance: In his normal human form, Malice usually wears an old, patchy trench coat with baggy pants and a baseball cap to hide his face and untamed mane of black hair. He is a tall man, over six feet easily, with a strong build. His skin is leathery in appearance and makes him look far older then the thirty years of age he has.

In 'Malice' form, his leathery skin becomes an amalgam of scales and fur. His hair extends to run down his spine to mid-back, along the outside of his arm from shoulder to wrist and around his waist (as a pseudo-loin-cloth, thankfully), becoming almost fur-like as it does so. The exposed parts of his skin becomes covered in blood red scales, the only area uncovered being above his pectoral muscles to his head. His neck looks like a hodge-podge of muscles and vigorously pumping veins, throbbing obscenely up towards his terrifying face. Tightened muscles draw his lips back into a skull-like grin and turn his eyes into an unnerving glare.


There you go. I hope that was an enjoyable read.

Just out of interest, do me a favour and read it through again, pondering ways outside of psychics (the obvious method) you think this guy could be defeated.