Justice League Unlimited

(The dating of this is a bit screwed up. I started this post (along with a couple of others) a few days ago, and it counts them as being posted when I started them, rather then when I clicked submit. This was actually posted about noon on Monday, Sydney time, so roughly 2am GMT)

Have you ever seen the cartoon "Justice League" and it's follow up "Justice League Unlimited" (from which I stole part of the URL for this blog)?

It's rather obvious I have and despite the fact I was in my 20's when I saw it I firmly believe I was part of the ideal audience for the show. But I'm not here to discuss the positives and negatives of that style of children's cartoon (though that's an idea for another blog post). Let's talk about super-powers, since the Justice League in the original two seasons is a remarkably potent cross section of the variety of super-powers available to characters, and did a pretty good job of reconciling the differences in their respective 'power levels'.

I just spent 30 minutes writing up a rather dry comparison of the powers and personalities of the characters involved, but then I realised I could summarise it in the following manner.

Superman: Boring and always getting knocked the F out so he didn't win everything with his super-everything.

Batman: Mysterious and always winning the day by being so awesome the writers had an erection as they wrote down what he did.

Wonder Woman: Yet another super-strengther. I'm trying to think of more to write, but she really didn't have that much happening. The 'Fish out of water' was sporadic at best, the 'angry warrior woman' was overshadowed by Hawkgirl doing the same thing. Probably the most obvious thing about her is she wanted to jump Batman, but who doesn't?

Green Lantern: Had potential to be utterly cool, but the fact he used his "ring of make anything" to make straight lines and flat walls sort of ruined that for me. Oh, bonus points for the fact he seems to SLEEP WITH EVERYTHING.

Hawk Girl: Angry woman with wings and a mace. Seriously, that's all she seemed to bring to the party. Flying (oh no, no one else can do that) and a mace (why, that'd almost be as good as punching someone with super strength, wouldn't it?)

Martian Manhunter: Is anyone else majorly disappointed with his telepathic abilities? He was supposedly awesome with them, but every time he tried to use them they seemed to screw up. He basically just acted as a dues ex machina. "Oh no! We need to find out where something is! Quick, give the manhunter a henchman to read and let's go."

Flash: Awesome. Pure undiluted awesome. If Chuck Norris' urine became sentient, solid, man-shaped and super-powered it would be both creepy and it STILL wouldn't hold a candle to the Flash.

This is what this entire post has been building up to. My mancrush on the Flash from the Justice League cartoons. Initially he felt underpowered, it was really confusing how he was even meant to be able to keep up with Batman, the unpowered one in the group. But the bastard kept coming up with awesome ways to use his powers, and then every now and then just pulled something out of the hat that was so amazing he won the prize for "being F-ing amazing".

A while back in this blog I wrote something about superpowers. At least I think I did, I can't find it know and I'll be arsed if I'm going to actually LOOK for it. In it I defined what my ideal powers would be, and I have to say after consideration I'm changing all my answers to "Super speed", based on what I've seen the Flash do with it.

But, probably most awesome, is the character's personality. He wasn't perfectly planning everything like the Batman (also known as, being so clinical it's difficult to tell if there is a personality) or goody-goody justice like Superman. He was more level-headed then angry warrior women, and more impulsive then Ex-marine Green Lantern. All in all, a perfect combination for a good quality personality. Oh, and unlike the martian he actually HAS a personality. He's brash, but capable of thinking when he needs to (he just often choses not to), plus he's idealistic enough to be cool without going into the realm of unrealistic. And, best of all, he makes mistakes and isn't perfect in all ways except lack of knowledge about our culture.

Executive Summary: Flash is better then the entire rest of the justice league, and anyone who says otherwise is OBVIOUSLY someone with a different opinion.

And therefore useless.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The worst bit about fantasising about the most awesome game that could ever exist, is knowing it never will. Anyway, onto the blog post.


Let me say straight off the bat I rate the Ninja Turtles in the following order from coolest to least-cool.


1. Michelangelo

2. Donatello

3/4. Leonardo/Raphael.


I believe my reasons for this will become clear.


As all writers know (or should know) having characters all the exact same sucks, is dull, and bores the hell out of everyone. Ninja Turtles exemplifies why writers should strive for differences in their characters. Each of the turles exemplifies a different personality type, and the resulting conflicts between them (followed by the mending of bridges just in time to kick Shredder's acehole) works well as a narrative.


But really, this is a post about human-sized Turtles trained fiercely in various martial arts moves who use those abilities to fight evil, in a cartoon designed to sell toys. So examination of the narrative capacities of this falls flat in the face of GODDAMNED AWESOME.


Leonardo - The archetypical 'hero'. He takes responsibility for his actions and those of his allies, even if they won't, and functions as a guiding force for the group. This sense of responsibility, combined with his emphasis on "the right thing" leads him to be the most boring of the Turtles. Sure, theoretically he's the most heroic of them all, and usually the one who's "right" (in most arguements his apology at the end seems to be "I'm sorry I got angry with you for being so wrong, nob-head"), but... seriously, BORING.


Raphael - The bad boy. The one who punches first and gets angry at pretty easy to achieve provocation. He's passionate, firey and doesn't care what rules are broken in order to get a 'good' result. Underneath all his bad boy attitude lurks a heart of gold and a fierce loyalty to his friends. In other words, he's Wolverine. Raphael just strikes me as a moron, his style of doing anything gets on my pecs, and the number of times he's gotten into crap because he charges off alone and has to be saved by his brothers... you'd think he would've friggin' learnt by now.


Donatello - The smart one. In some media forms they overdo Donatello's "smart", making him an aspergas sufferer able to put together gadgets that would shame the bastard lovechild of McGuyver and Q. Other time he's "one of the boys", just as humourous as even Michelangelo, but with a bit more intelligence. While Raphael and Leonardo argue over leadership style, Michelangelo and Donatello sit back, watch and share a Pork Rind. He's good value, but a bit too "driven" for me.


Michelangelo - The laid back one, and the one whom it could be argued I've based my life around (sans the enormous shell and ninja skills). He's laid back, enjoys a joke, has a great time when he's off duty, and kicks shell when he's on duty. What more is there to say? Michelangelo is the greatest thing since sliced bread, and even that is up in the air (in Mickey's favour).


The thing that makes me most upset about doing this post?

I realised I'm no longer a Teenager. I'm older then the Turtles.

I'ma gonna go do old people things.