Introspective

Nearly 8 months I've been blogging.

163 posts.

An average of nearly 21 posts per month.

Holy shit and bricks.

Any point to this post? Nope, not really. Just saying that my respect for Jackie Chan is THROUGH THE ROOF: http://www.jackiechankids.com/files/Jackie_Injury_Map_Main.htm

I didn't even know you COULD dislocate your sternum!

Great porn star names

.... So then these day ENORMOUS bouncers walk over, look at the position me and her are in, and say.... Oh hey, I didn't see you there, what's happening? I'm just telling (insert person's name here) about my time in Hamberg.

• 22. I was once propositioned by a German Prostitute in Hamberg. I was a little 'refreshed' as I and a friend were walking through the place, being shown around by a local. An absolutely STUNNING young lady of ill repute walked up, put her hand on my shoulder and said something in German, with a number of similar women behind her (apparently the 'refreshed' tourist speaking English is a good mark). I responded with "Ich niche spreche Deutche" (which apparently translates as 'I speak not German), to which she replied "That's ok, I speak English." I don't know if I should curse or thank the two guys I was with for dragging me away.

I did this post primarily to get my post count up, but partially just to see if I can get any comments.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is your divine duty to, with this post, comment with your own Adult Movie star names. I'm not talking that "name of your first pet as first name, and the street you were born on as your second" crap, but genuinely GOOD names you can come up with.

Here are my contributions.

Rich Handsome
Bolt Lightning.

Your turn.

EDIT: ADDITIONAL: Since you all seem to be winding up here, here's the scoop. I don't know why, in the past week and two days, you all seem to have decided that apparently there's some awesome adult site called "Nerdgasm.org", but the number of you dropping in looking for porn has doubled my blog hits. Normally I'd be ecstatic, but to be honest I feel kinda skeevy getting this many hits from people looking for breasts.

There is. No. Porn. Here.

Spread the word.

So, I'm getting a piece of paper tomorrow.

... So there I was, standing in front of the urinal having a pee, beer in one hand and you-know-what in the other, when my phone rings with that REALLY important call I'd been expecting. Luckily the friendly man next to me in the urinal held my penis while I finished urinating so I could take the call. Things were going swimmingly until I became aroused.

• 10. I am REALLY bad at picking ages. I usually undershoot the ages of various people, assuming they're younger then they are. This has resulted in me getting to brag to my Uni friends about my youth. Suck on that.

And on that piece of paper will be the summary of the past sixteen and a half years of my life. That piece of paper will say:

BACHELOR OF SOCIAL SCIENCE DEGREE - MACQUARIE UNIVERSITY

STEPHEN RICHARD B.SOCSCI

THIS CERTIFICATE CERTIFIES THAT STEPHEN RICHARD HAS SATISFACTORILY COMPLETED HIS BACHELOR OF SOCIAL SCIENCE.

That piece of paper is going to be, up until this point (hoping I get into Honours) the summary of my education from Primary school, High school and University. I'm going to be up on stage for ten seconds, handed an award while wearing a dorky outfit in front of my parents and grandmother, then sit down once more. In all honesty I'd prefer to get the award mailed to me (less chance of me tripping on the robe and inadvertantly crash tackling the vice chancellor. Although that WOULD be a story to tell) but this moment means alot to my 'guests'.

So. I doubt anyone who reads this blog is interested in the above, I just needed to get it out.

I'm shitting myself about tomorrow. The moment I come home I'll be an official graduate. FUCK ME.

P.S. Someone pressured me into going onto facebook. My e-peen feels inadequate since I haven't added anyone other then Alison (the preassurer, which shall be her official title from now on) to my list, while she has 250 or so friends.

My friends list is the laughing stock of the cheerleaders.

P.P.S. My 'guests' would be an awesome piece of slang to refer to testicles.

Night on the town Part 2

So, I was out drinking (as a parody I was tempted to write there "I was dout rinking") tonight with the dude I'm organising the ULTIMATE night out with, and we've decided on three other things for the night.

1. There is, apparently, somewhere in the city a Bar over a McDonalds, in which you can get McDonalds ordered up to you while drinking. WE MUST GO TO THIS PLACE.

2. There are a couple of places in the city that have an ENORMOUS number of Beers on Tap. Once more, we must infiltrate this position and sample it's flavours. If we're lucky, my friend may get propositioned again by a Hens Night.

3. We need to get an el-cheapo Hotel room with floor space. That way we don't have to worry about Taxis. We can just crash for the night in the city.

So, any suggestions?

Psyche up CD

Another post for future use.

I need suggestions. I am going to put together a psyche up CD. For those of you who've seen "How I met your Mother" it's a creation of Barney's. Basically a Psyche Up CD is just a playlist of songs you can listen to before going out, in order to become, as suggested, psyched up for the night.

I currently only have ONE song that must be on it.

Winger - Battlestations

So now it's your turn, make suggestions. What is a good, upbeat, headbangy psyche up song?

Editing this since I've had a few hits from people googling "Psyche up CD", or various mispellings of it.

Here is the wikipedia entry on the matter: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Limo_(How_I_Met_Your_Mother_episode)#Notes

A post that shall be regularly updated

At some point in the future, a friend and myself have decided on a night we're having out in the town. To keep track of all the things I intend to do in this night, I've decided to dedicate a blog entry to it.

1. Go to a strip club. I honestly don't expect to enjoy it, I just need to say I've been to one.

2. "Have you met Ted" someone. This is where you choose a random woman at the bar who doesn't seem to be with anyone, introduce her to a friend ("Have you met X?") and then walk away.

3. FORCE my friend to go up to an attractive woman and use the pick up line "Wow, you have exquisite boobs. Are you willing to share?"

4. End the night at a Karaoke bar.

As we come up with new things, this post will be updated. If you think of anything new, leave it in a comment, and if it passes the test it will be added to the post.