Geek Cred

... So... yeah... That thing I just told you I did? Don't do that mate. It really burns y- Oh hey I didn't see you there.

• 21. I am 21 and a bit years old. When I was 16 I assumed 18 was the age you started really maturing psychologically. When I was 18 I assumed it was 21. Now I'm 21 and I am assuming it's 25. If I get to 25 and STILL don't see the purpose of lawns, going to 'sales' for things I wouldn't have bought in the first place, redecorating (with anything other then "That is a WICKED pirate flag.") or going out NOT to get drunk, I am just abandoning ALL assumptions about life.

There are many levels of geek. It is a fact I am accutely aware of, especially when my WoW playing friends occasionally wince when I say I'm a roleplayer, or people look at me like I'm mad when I tell them I'm not interested in the new Red Alert game. If you're an internet geek, there's a 1 in 4 chance you've seen the Geek-chart (http://readitordont.com/galaxy/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/geekchartbig.gif).

What so many people don't know is that that is just scratching the surface. Geekiness is more then an aspect of who you are. It is a way of life. And by that standard, my friends, we are all nerds. Who in our lives doesn't have some factoid they know bizarrely huge amounts about. Computers, gaming, comics, movies, sports, cars, the list goes on and on, we are all nerds about something.

But that makes it odd. For just as music is a part of everyone's lives and has seperated into various strata (mainstream, alternative, indie, etc), so too does geekiness. For my point, I will focus upon electronic gaming. Put your hands up if you're a nerd because you like Halo. Now half of you put your hands down. You're not nerds. The kid who made his own Master Chief costume out of alfoil and cardboard can leave his hand up. As can people who've gotten tattooes of Master Chief. You know why, people who had to put their hands down? because you're not a nerd. You're someone who likes an INCREDIBLY mainstream game. You have no geek cred.

Aha, and now we come to the title. Geek Cred. It's not something to be proud of, to be honest, but we all have it. It's an ultimate contradiction, a mix of "Well at least the geek stuff I like isn't as bad as the geek stuff he likes" and "you sad, sad little person. I can't believe you've never heard of Mount and Blade, an excellent indie game."

Did you all notice that? "My geek stuff isn't as geeky as his geek stuff", mixed with "I'm a bigger geek about it then you."

The easiest way I find to visualise the geek cred chart is to imagine a circle. On this circle, around the edge, are points, each point coresponding to a particular geekiness, and from each point radiating out in a straight line from the centre are the stages of geekiness in that particular field. The closer you are to 'north' on this circle, the less geeky you are. If you fall on the equator of the circle, you are neutral. Above the equater your geekiness is accepted/useful.

Some fields are geeky from the get go. I'm sorry, but at no stage in life can love for Star Trek be called anything other then non-geeky. Star Wars, on the other hand, as a mainstream movie, has fans who are not as geeky. So in that way I would position Star Wars at just below the equator line, while Star Trek is beneath it.

"Just below the equator line? Are you nuts? Have you SEEN those guys who have ACTUAL storm trooper outfits!?"

Yes I have seen them, and I want one.

That is the beauty of the chart. Since the only real measurement in the chart is how far above or below the equator you are, and your geekiness is measured on the straight line of the up-down axis. Notice, if you will, that even if you start JUST below the middle line, by the time you would be on the FAR outer edges (well beyond the scale of the above diagram. E.G. Comparing a 'casual Harry Potter book fan' with "I run Harry Potter roleplaying game where I created the rules for all the spells and have fantasies about Hermine... Hemrinone... Hermaninonie... However her name is spelt), you have drifted FAR beyond the line of acceptibility in normal conversation.

So how do we justify it to ourselves when we occupy a level beneath the equator (which is where I live, incidently, both physically and... spiritually)? Geek Cred.

You're not an online gaming geek unless you've played an MMO and invested MANY hours into it at some point in your life. You're not a gaming geek unless you know that Team Fortress originated as a mod. You're not a music geek unless you turn your nose up at punk band 'covers' where they play the exact same song, just alot faster and out of tune. You're not a fantasy geek unless you can discuss how Tolkein's works formed the basis for the modern fantasy story. You're not a Star Wars geek unless you know how many Lightsaber styles there are. You're not an Eastern RPG geek unless you've earned a Golden Chocobo. You're not a Western RPG geek unless you know what THAC0 stands for.

If you know that, you have cred.

As well as an aspect of your life you fear to share with the world.

If you are given millions of dollars and told to make a game...

... And to this day, I cannot say the word PewsNaper. I mean Nepspawer. I mean Papsnaper. Damnit, I can't say the word.

• 20. I am a severely forgetful individual. I lose track of time incredibly easily, regularly sit down to do something and forget totally what it was I was meant to do when a shiney thing is visible, and generally never remember to get things done. There are two things I remember. Stories and faces. I can recall story lines to movies I haven't seen in years, and within four scenes can usually remember if I've seen a TV show, even if it hasn't been for years.

So, I recently played Neverwinter Nights 2. The gameplay's alright, and the sheer variety of characters possible excites me in ways only an RPG nerd can be excited ("Muah ha ha, who shall I play today? Ninja-like Monk? Chaotic Evil Sorcerer? Lawful Evil Blackguard? Warlock with no regard for anything but himself? Criminal swashbuckler with a heart of gold? Quiet woodland warrior?"), which are both major bonus'.

The problem, the REAL problem, is the story. I come up with dozens of characters I want to try and play, but that involves going through the story time and time again. If I didn't sympathise or like ANY of the country bumpkin morons in my country bumpkin village no one cares about (yet everyone's heard of in regards to how hardy the inhabitants are) the first time round, why the hell would I sympathise with them fifth time round? I think I'm gravitating towards evil characters just because I get to be rude to the bastards.

Oh, and story writers, FYI, if your young protagonist lives in a small village in the middle of nowhere at the start of the plot, EVERYONE KNOWS you're going to have it destroyed to make the struggle for the world more 'personal'.

No, wait, I told a lie before. The story is mediocre. It's an average tale of a grand ancient evil awakening and you alone have the power to stop it, yada yada. Not great, but passable. What the REAL problem is, is the presentation. A bad story can be excused with good presentation. This game has astonishingly bad presentation. It feels like they came up with an average plot, lengthened it out with dozens of COMPLETELY pointless 'story extenders' ("Oh, I'm sorry, before we let you to meet up with some old guy who'll be very little help, we need you to drive the criminals away from the docks, strike at their lairs in the merchant quarter, and wage war on the Orc tribes in the mountains"), badly recorded half the lines of dialogue and said "Let's call it an early day."

Yes, you read that right. They badly recorded HALF the lines. Not even the whole thing. Either do them ALL or do none. I don't care if it would take another DVD to fit them all on, all or none. Little is more jarring and interrupts the flow of the story more like half the lines being audible and the other half not. It just makes it seem like the unrecorded dialogue is OBVIOUSLY less important, and you don't need to pay attention. But, oh, wait, THIS line is recorded so it must be vital to the plot. It's practically holding up a sign saying "If you zone out here, it won't matter."

And those lines that were recorded? Part of me wonders if they had an actual machine that MADE the lines monotone. The 'hard but loving' father figure talks like he's a 60 year old man reading the weather out loud from the paper in the park, even when there rages battle around him. The Elven Wizard with the 'biting wit' couldn't deliver an insult if it was wrapped up with a stamp on it. And finally, finally, saving the worst for last. The end cutscene narrator. He had NEVER been heard before that I could recall, and was the worst possible choice. Seriously, no, just fucking no. You do NOT want to hear about how all your companions were trapped under the falling rubble never to be seen again by a guy who sounds like he should be resenting being assigned to read out the bingo scores in a church. When the monotonistic economics lecturer is the one informing you of the fate of the known world after your victory over the King of Shadows, it sort of takes the edge off your hard fought victory.

In summary: If you're telling a story, tell it PROPERLY.

I am ashamed of being a geek

... And so, I now have a pathological fear of geese and foam, but am strangely aroused by foamy geese.

• 19. My life seems to be going fine, I'm relaxed, calm, enjoying myself. But around me people are going through rough patches. Being robbed, stresses in things that are supposed to be enjoyable, relationship difficulties, stress beyond the call of duty at work, and worse. There's nothing wrong with me and I feel like a prick because of it.

I am a nerd, a geek, a dweeb, etc etc. This is evident by looking at the name, I'd like to think. But as proud as I am about my nerd-stats (level 11 Geek/9 Nerd), in real life I am incredibly ashamed of it and only mention it to people I have met many times and know quite well. The most someone I hardly know will get is "Well, I'm a bit of a nerd", which is usually followed by "Oh my god, so am I. I spend so long looking at things on Youtube and facebook".

... That is not nerd. Nowdays that is called "middle class".

Come back when you can tell me what "THAC0" stands for, or that you realise that last letter is a zero, not an O.

I am a geek. I've number crunched RPG character builds. I've weighed up the pros and cons of Dungeons and Dragons version 3, 3.5 and 4. If the option was available, I would LARP (Live Action RolePlay), I know what LINUX is, I know how many different primary lightsaber fighting styles there are, and can discuss them with some accuracy, I felt incredibly sad when I found out the actor for G'kar from Babylon 5 was dead, I know the chemical properties of being drunk, I have TOYS in my room, my average night in involves either planning a solo assault against an enemy base or plotting out the invasion of my Danish warriors on Europe.

I am a nerd.

And I am ashamed. A hot girl who doesn't seem nerdy asks me what my hobbies are, I'll say "Movies and drinking with mates", instead of "I've watched every single one of my extensive DVD collection with commentary where available, and I'm planning a Lord Of The Rings drinking game night".

Don't look at me.

A great big shout out to my visitors from Syracuse, America

... So that is why I refuse to enter petrol stations without at least a lockpick and something flamable on me.

• 18. Although I like to think of myself as more of an abstractive sort of person (it's complicated to explain) I crave empirical measurements of quality, as the following post will show. It comes from studying sociology, where simplified factors like "X number of people agree with this statement" carry weight.

As I mentioned, MANY posts ago (back in those heady days of blissful ignorance, when a young bloggers thoughts might turn to fulfilling a niche of love, respect and authority through anonymous posts claiming a class I do not possess to an audience I will never know) I have installed 'google analytics' on this blog. Through that I know that the majority of visits to this blog are, most likely, me. While that acts as a metaphorical kick in the teeth, the amusement found in these statistics give me some salve for the wound.

I have had a rather low number of unique visitors (and if you wish to remedy this, feel free to link to post you enjoy from the past), of which a large number are people expecting some form of entertainment for free (because I have been in fact linked by a friend who runs a site where people can download such things) or through some random process I don't understand. (A big shout out to my readers in Syracuse, who've visited twice)

I have had 30 visits from the US, of which 24 have been from a city a friend of mine lives in, and presumably are him. That leaves six unaccounted for, which seem to come from ALL OVER the US. (HELLO ATLANTIC BEACH).

But perhaps more troubling and unusual are the international visits. There was a guy (or potentially girl) from Saudi Arabia who was checking my site out for SIX MINUTES. -I- don't even look at this thing for that long, and I WRITE it.

Let's just list off some of the countries I've had visits from:
Saudi Arabia
Venezuela
The UK
Netherlands
Poland
Malaysia
Bangladesh
And most unusual of all, Canada!

Though, since I can't leave this post on anything other then a weak joke: I have had 69 visits from Australia.

High five.

Will someone please tell game designers...

... And that is the story of why I am both banned from the Gym, and have recurring nightmares about being engufled by a tide of wrinkles.

• 17. I have a special place in my heart for quick wit. If people can demonstrate genuine quick wit (not particularly malicious, intelligent humour made up on the spur of the moment) then I am in awe of them.

That they are NOT writers.

I'm currently playing Neverwinter Nights 2, and enjoying the gameplay. It's a decent game, don't get me wrong, it's good value.

It's. Just. So. Badly. Written.

Seriously, this game doesn't have a story, it has a series of bad guy encounters bereft of plot thinly tied together by backstory and geography.

Still, time to go back to playing it. It's enjoyable if you skip the cutscenes and ignore the stupid party members.

So says Wade Wilson

... And so kids, that's why peeling Onions, going to the bathroom without washing your hands, and receiving head doesn't mix. It leaves a REALLY bad impression when you're turned on by a crying woman going down on you.

• 16. When I joined Facebook I was forced to categorise my political stance. I'm a bit of a lefty by nature, but in general I think the phrase that best summed it up is "Apathetic Naysayer". Basically I think the whole thing is crap, but I don't care enough to 'fight the system'.

Just because this link needs to be put up everywhere a geek may read at any point in their life.

http://wadewilson.livejournal.com/11285.html

Pretendy fun-time games. Bitch.

50 posts, and I'm running out of things to say

... I spat the drink out, starring incredulously at the bartender. "What did you say was in this!?" I demanded, to which he replied innocently "Vodka and urine, mate. Don't worry, it's not mine." "Oh, that's ok then" I said, sipping what was left in the glass.

• 15. One of the first things that really brought to my attention the differences between Australia, England and America are the comedians. While there are obvious examples outside the box, the large majority I've observed follow a simple pattern. American comedians get by through wacky antics, Australian comedians usually have a certain energy and eagerness, and English comedians usually act more reserved. The funny thing about me noticing all this is I can't deliver a joke for shit.

So, 50 posts. And of them probably half actually have a point, of those half probably deliver their point well, and of those probably none are relevant or interesting.

So, I finally jumped on the bandwagon and joined facebook. Since I find myself so far behind the curve, I'm left wondering what sort of social mores and rules exist, and very hesitant to break them.

Who am I supposed to add as a friend? Just close acquaintences? People who I'd be willing to buy a drink? People who I once did that awkward "nearly-walked-into-you-but-stopped-in-time-so-I'll-go-left-but-oh-ho-you-went-that-way-too-I'll-go-right-and-hey-you-went-right-too" dance with in the street and never have seen again? Apparently my brother has upward of 300 people on Facebook, and says he probably wouldn't recognise half of them for a good minute if he met them a second time. Am I allowed to add hot women I've met in a class at Uni and never talked with again, to try and trick my friends into thinking everyone I know is a babe?

What about wall comments and private messages? Are they to be used in an email-like fashion (Dear XYZ, regarding your message of August the 16th, 'yes'. Sincerely, Stephen) or should I be adopting an instant messenger-like premise? (Three thousand messages, half of which consist of "lol im in ur noun verbing ur noun")

Apparently my lack of profile picture is an evil act falling somewhere between murder and hosting late night quiz shows, but the only picture of me on the internet lacks pants, which in itself provides a moral dilemma. No picture, or low quality nude shot?

How often am I supposed to change my status? Is it only for dire situations (Stephen is bleeding profusely) or should I just put in whatever I feel like? (10:15 - Stephen is itchy in the crotch. 10:16 - Stephen is scratching his crotch. 10:18 - Stephen is wondering if he needs to see a doctor. 10:22 - Stephen is calling that nasty skank who gave him this.)

What is the ettiquete? I'm a nerd, I'm supposed to have an instinctive knowledge of this rubbish?