Bored, hungover, tired. So rather then an actual post, I'm just going to come up with some horrible things that would fit into the SCP site I linked to a while back.
Item #: SCP-736
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedure: SCP-736 is to be kept in a locked drawer in the linguistic research offices of site-19, with keys provided only to approved researchers. A record must be kept of SCP-736 being withdrawn, and who is in possession at all times. In the event SCP-736 is found to be missing, all staff leaving the offices will be searched and all fax machines and scanners are to be turned off.
Description: SCP-736 is a number of missing pages from the Voynich manuscript. It is unknown when they were removed from the book. They were retrieved by the foundation during a raid on one Doctor ███ █████ on September 11th 2004, who at the time was believed to have several SCPs in his possession. As most of his collection turned out to be fakes the retrieved 'artifacts' were stored for later processing. During the course of processing the items, SCP-736 was discovered.
SCP-736 is written in the same manner as the rest of the Voynich manuscript, utilising the same writing techniques and raw materials. These pages were originally located at the very end of the manuscript and consisted of the same message written in the original text's unknown language, an arcaic form of German, and a third, unknown language. In a manner similar to the rosetta stone this has allowed foundation linguistic experts to achieve a basic knowledge of both the unknown language, and the language used in the manuscript.
While the translation of the message is spotty at best, currently held beliefs among the linguists who study it is that it is stating the text is classified and for 'elite' eyes only. It is currently unknown who wrote the warning or who the 'elite' allowed to view the text are. Initial research suggested there was a religious connotation in the text suggesting people without authorization who read it were going to be punished by 'the being above', but later translations corrected this, stating that transgressers would be punished by 'people ranked higher then you'. Most alarming about the message is that it identifies the Voynich manuscript as "(Untranslatable)Volume 4: Plants", implying there are at least three other volumes that may potentially exist.
The punishments for those reading the manuscript are quite severe, ranging from simple death, to torture of various forms, to something current translations list as 'rending of the spirit from the body'.
Utilising SCP-736 efforts are underway to translate the rest of the Voynich manuscript, but the work is proceeding slowly. Current speculation says that the manuscript is a list of flora for another planet. There is some description of the planet's sun that makes it sound like type O blue star. Comparisons between the alien flora and plant-life native to earth are often made, suggesting close familiarity with Earth by the writer.
Item #: SCP-758
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedure: SCP-758 is to be kept in a custom made steel container at all times when not being tested. A clamp sits in the box, which is to be used to secure SCP-758 within the box. The clamp is to only be fastened upon the handle of the SCP. Testing on SCP-758 requires special permission from the OS, and any personnel found with SCP-758 in their possession without permission will be terminated as per standard procedure.
Description: SCP-758 looks for all purposes like a three inch long metal nail file. There are hints of rust along the edges, but otherwise it appears to be indestructable by normal means. No major testing has been done to determine the limits of SCP-758's indestructability. All tests upon the construction of the file indicates it is made of normal steel.
When the flat edge of the file is rubbed against any material at all, no matter the hardness or softness of the material, exactly 0.14 centimeters of the material will be destroyed for each stroke of the file. The list of substances this has been tested upon exists in experiment log 758-003, but this destruction seems constant, no matter the substance or the length of the stroke.
Similarly, when the narrow edge of the file is rubbed against any matterial at all exactly 4.89 centimenters of the material will be destroyed with each stroke. Only the portion of material the file directly touches will be destroyed, and it seems to work equally well on organic material and inorganic material.
It is unknown what process is used in the destruction of the materials. Testing reveals that the substance the file is used upon seems to cease to exist upon having the file rubbed against it. This molecular disintegration has no byproduct of any kind (waste products, heat, energy, etc), and there is no indication in the file of what causes this effect.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Of course, Captain America is alive
Attention Marvel Comics:
Fuck. You.
You're bringing Captain Marvel back already. ALREADY. For gods sake, the dude's not even been dead for three years. This is not a 'sensational plot twist', this is not a brave new move in story telling.
This is bullshit. Seriously, here you have the possibility to make a genuinely bold move in story telling, killing off and LEAVING DEAD a major, major character in your continuity. There is a reason it's known as 'comic book death', because there's never any threat to it. There's no threat and impact when a major hero in Marvel (and DC, to be fair) dies, since most of the time they'll be back with a new set of superpowers.
I read a relatively old issue of the X-Men a while ago which had the following exchange between Beast and an evil interdimensional Beast, as best I can remember.
Dark Beast: Nathan Summers may be of help.
Beast: He is dead.
Dark Beast: Still? The Summer's go back and forth so often I felt I had to make sure.
Your own characters are making fun of the "oh no he's dead how tragi-OH LOOK HE'S MAGICALLY ALIVE" nature of the comic book death. This is how completely undermined the massively horrible tragedy of death is.
Marvel, Too-Long-Didn't-Read version: I don't care if you planned it all from the beginning, bringing Steve Rogers back is a cheap move. Grow some testicles, get some testosterone injected, and have the courage to kill a major character in a dramatic moment and KEEP THEM DEAD.
P.S. If I hear ANY rumours that you're going to bring Uncle Ben back to life, I'm going to make you watch the new Punisher movie until you're crying blood.
Fuck. You.
You're bringing Captain Marvel back already. ALREADY. For gods sake, the dude's not even been dead for three years. This is not a 'sensational plot twist', this is not a brave new move in story telling.
This is bullshit. Seriously, here you have the possibility to make a genuinely bold move in story telling, killing off and LEAVING DEAD a major, major character in your continuity. There is a reason it's known as 'comic book death', because there's never any threat to it. There's no threat and impact when a major hero in Marvel (and DC, to be fair) dies, since most of the time they'll be back with a new set of superpowers.
I read a relatively old issue of the X-Men a while ago which had the following exchange between Beast and an evil interdimensional Beast, as best I can remember.
Dark Beast: Nathan Summers may be of help.
Beast: He is dead.
Dark Beast: Still? The Summer's go back and forth so often I felt I had to make sure.
Your own characters are making fun of the "oh no he's dead how tragi-OH LOOK HE'S MAGICALLY ALIVE" nature of the comic book death. This is how completely undermined the massively horrible tragedy of death is.
Marvel, Too-Long-Didn't-Read version: I don't care if you planned it all from the beginning, bringing Steve Rogers back is a cheap move. Grow some testicles, get some testosterone injected, and have the courage to kill a major character in a dramatic moment and KEEP THEM DEAD.
P.S. If I hear ANY rumours that you're going to bring Uncle Ben back to life, I'm going to make you watch the new Punisher movie until you're crying blood.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Filler post
Once again, still not able to make a full post, but I suppose I owe you guys SOMETHING.
Ok, here's a link to something that will rip apart your free time.
The SCP foundation (Secure, Contain, Protect). Basically it's an awesome pretend MIB like group who 'procure' items of supernatural or superscience origin that are either too powerful or too dangerous to be entrusted to the world. Just to give you an idea how horrible the place is, all the hazardous work is done by "Class D personnel". Class D is code for "people we got out of the prison system".
Here are a few of my favourites.
Here, wear this, it'll make you healthy, right up until it turns you into a blob of flesh.
Infectious quartz.
Try not to feel 'ick' after reading this.
They can be quite creepy, too.
But they also have a sense of humour.
Sometimes they're downright AWESOME.
And back to creepy.
And the final one for the night.
And, end on something pretty.
From this guy's blog.
Ok, here's a link to something that will rip apart your free time.
The SCP foundation (Secure, Contain, Protect). Basically it's an awesome pretend MIB like group who 'procure' items of supernatural or superscience origin that are either too powerful or too dangerous to be entrusted to the world. Just to give you an idea how horrible the place is, all the hazardous work is done by "Class D personnel". Class D is code for "people we got out of the prison system".
Here are a few of my favourites.
Here, wear this, it'll make you healthy, right up until it turns you into a blob of flesh.
Infectious quartz.
Try not to feel 'ick' after reading this.
They can be quite creepy, too.
But they also have a sense of humour.
Sometimes they're downright AWESOME.
And back to creepy.
And the final one for the night.
And, end on something pretty.
From this guy's blog.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
No post
Sorry, once again no posts.
Stressed out of my ballsack with Uni Honours work. By this Thursday I need to finish a Research proposal, then by next Monday I need to have finished a 2,500 word critical review of two books, only one of which I've read. OH DANG.
Stressed out of my ballsack with Uni Honours work. By this Thursday I need to finish a Research proposal, then by next Monday I need to have finished a 2,500 word critical review of two books, only one of which I've read. OH DANG.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Gorgeous George
I shouldn't be spreading this around so much, but...
This is just proof I am a bad person. I am laughing at this man's bad fortune, but honestly he seems to deserve it.
Who is this man? Why is he so obnoxious on TV, and why does he receive so many horrible prank calls?
Say hello to Gorgeous George. Please feel free to look at more of the videos about him.
Basically Gorgeous George is like a TV version of Kyle Sandilands but with poor pronunciation (if you're not Australian, you wouldn't know who Kyle Sandilands is. You are one of the lucky ones). I really should not be laughing so hard at all the prank calls, especially since most of them are just people shouting "fag", but some of them... Some of them just have me crying with laughter. I don't know why, but for some reason hearing Gorgeous George shout at the TV 'Alright, time for another call! Line one, you're ont he air' and be greeted with the sound of a toilet flushing for the fifth time is absolutely priceless.
Oh, and in one of these videos is my absolute favourite prank call line ever.
Caller: Hi George! I've got a question
George: Well I've got an answer.
C: How, how tall are you? Because it's hard to tell while you're sitting down.
G: I'm Six One.... Read More
C: Really!?
G: Yes really.
C: Wow! I didn't know they stacked shit that high.
This is just proof I am a bad person. I am laughing at this man's bad fortune, but honestly he seems to deserve it.
Who is this man? Why is he so obnoxious on TV, and why does he receive so many horrible prank calls?
Say hello to Gorgeous George. Please feel free to look at more of the videos about him.
Basically Gorgeous George is like a TV version of Kyle Sandilands but with poor pronunciation (if you're not Australian, you wouldn't know who Kyle Sandilands is. You are one of the lucky ones). I really should not be laughing so hard at all the prank calls, especially since most of them are just people shouting "fag", but some of them... Some of them just have me crying with laughter. I don't know why, but for some reason hearing Gorgeous George shout at the TV 'Alright, time for another call! Line one, you're ont he air' and be greeted with the sound of a toilet flushing for the fifth time is absolutely priceless.
Oh, and in one of these videos is my absolute favourite prank call line ever.
Caller: Hi George! I've got a question
George: Well I've got an answer.
C: How, how tall are you? Because it's hard to tell while you're sitting down.
G: I'm Six One.... Read More
C: Really!?
G: Yes really.
C: Wow! I didn't know they stacked shit that high.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Upcoming attractions part 3
1.
Oh shit. This made me nerdgasm so hard I came my god damned SOUL.
Bioware, I take it back, I take it all back. I have had bad experiences with MMOs, they don't mesh well with my playstyle, and KotOR 2 left me with a bad taste in my mouth, but now...
Not only have you turned me from "meh, not sold" on The Old Republic, but you've turned me from a die-hard Jedi player, to the Dark Side.
Seriously, Mr Lucas? Retire. Let Bioware make your movies and TV shows. If you turned that trailer into a 90 minute movie, I would die a happy man.
2. MONKEY ISLAND 5.
What more do I need to say. MONKEY ISLAND 5. Seriously, if you are not already excited, there is something wrong with you, or you were born in the 90s.
Best of all, it's being done by Telltale games. Not sure who they are? They're a collection of ex-LucasArts employees who were around during the hey-day of Point and Click adventure games. They've already released two Sam and Max games.
Like the Sam and Max games, this Monkey Island game will be released episodically. Once a month about a fifth of a game will come out. You can either play them as they come (if the Sam and Max episodes were an indicator, they're good stand-alone), or wait for them all and play it at once.
I'm excited.
Oh shit. This made me nerdgasm so hard I came my god damned SOUL.
Bioware, I take it back, I take it all back. I have had bad experiences with MMOs, they don't mesh well with my playstyle, and KotOR 2 left me with a bad taste in my mouth, but now...
Not only have you turned me from "meh, not sold" on The Old Republic, but you've turned me from a die-hard Jedi player, to the Dark Side.
Seriously, Mr Lucas? Retire. Let Bioware make your movies and TV shows. If you turned that trailer into a 90 minute movie, I would die a happy man.
2. MONKEY ISLAND 5.
What more do I need to say. MONKEY ISLAND 5. Seriously, if you are not already excited, there is something wrong with you, or you were born in the 90s.
Best of all, it's being done by Telltale games. Not sure who they are? They're a collection of ex-LucasArts employees who were around during the hey-day of Point and Click adventure games. They've already released two Sam and Max games.
Like the Sam and Max games, this Monkey Island game will be released episodically. Once a month about a fifth of a game will come out. You can either play them as they come (if the Sam and Max episodes were an indicator, they're good stand-alone), or wait for them all and play it at once.
I'm excited.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Worst segue's ever
In place of actual geeky content I had to think about, here is a list I came up with in twenty minutes. Enjoy.
These are those conversation segue's that can never lead in a good direction. Seriously, NONE of the possible topics of conversation these can transition to, are good.
1. On the topic of Alpaca's...
2. Oh, speaking of police brutality...
3. Since you mentioned horendous smells...
4. While we're discussing onomatopoeia...
5. Yeah, talking about your stupid habits...
6. On the subject of bad news...
7. While we're talking about how horrible this week has been for you
8. Oh, talking about your dead pets...
9. Hey, talking about shitty remakes of your treasured childhood memories...
10. Now that you mention pregnancy...
11. ... and that scar leads me neatly into this next topic...
12. Oh, as long as the topic of your toothbrush is up, I should let you know....
13. ... and speaking of lawsuits, you remember that dude you pissed off?
Actual posts coming soon.
These are those conversation segue's that can never lead in a good direction. Seriously, NONE of the possible topics of conversation these can transition to, are good.
1. On the topic of Alpaca's...
2. Oh, speaking of police brutality...
3. Since you mentioned horendous smells...
4. While we're discussing onomatopoeia...
5. Yeah, talking about your stupid habits...
6. On the subject of bad news...
7. While we're talking about how horrible this week has been for you
8. Oh, talking about your dead pets...
9. Hey, talking about shitty remakes of your treasured childhood memories...
10. Now that you mention pregnancy...
11. ... and that scar leads me neatly into this next topic...
12. Oh, as long as the topic of your toothbrush is up, I should let you know....
13. ... and speaking of lawsuits, you remember that dude you pissed off?
Actual posts coming soon.
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